Two Turtles in a Pond (Tony Perry)

Chapter 11: Listening

"Are you sure you don't want one of us to walk you back? It's not a problem!" Vic asked as I was about to leave the arena after their awesome show but he stopped me: they were going out for a few drinks with A Day To Remember but I wasn't up for it. They told me I was more than welcome but it was almost time. I needed to think. I needed to breathe.

"Don't be silly Vic! It's just down tha road. I'll be fine" I insisted.

"Okay then." He pulled me into a friendly hug, "We won't be back late." After saying goodbye to the others and having similar conversations, I left the building and slowly wandered down the street, opposite direction to the boys and headed towards the bus. The venue was on this tiny island only accessible by this wooden but sturdy bridge which lead to a long road - where the bus was parked - with a small woodland area the left hand-side. At the end of the bridge, I suddenly stopped and stared into the shining water which had silvery streaks from the stars and moonlight. Climbing carefully onto the railings, i perched myself on the widest bar, allowing me to stay without falling. Viewing my reflection in the waving water, tears started to fall. Why did it all go so wrong for me? Surely I don't deserve the life I have been given;  nobody deserves this life.  I have been careful throughout my life - never drunk, done drugs, had sex - I was like the 'perfect daughter' parents ask for. Why did this have to happen to me? Why? Why? Why? Why?

5 years ago my beloved bother had died from suicide. Ever since I can remember, I have always said that I will meet him again sooner than he thinks. I have planned this day for roughly two years; well, since my last suicide attempt. 5 years ago. Woah, it feels like much longer, saying that, I still remember his voice, the way he spoke to me, the way he acted - everything! God, I miss him so much. Will I be at last reunited with Josh? Reaching into my pockets, I slipped out something I stole from PTV's bathroom cabinet earlier that day; from Jaime's shaver to be exact. Flipping the shiny objects over in my hand, accidentally, I cut my thumb. Good, I thought, these razor blades are sharp. They will work. Pressing one to my skin, I suddenly lost all power. Come on Felicity, do it. You have been waiting years to be reunited with Josh and Mum, why stop now? It was far too loud in my head.

One cut. Two cut. Three cut. Four cut.

Shut up!" I yelled to the inner monsters, "Shut up! Shut up!" mom has come to find and collect you. You can't stay with Pierce The Veil forever. You are just a hopeless fangirl. Sooner or later they will dump you. May as well leave early to save them the effort. Don't bring Pierce The Veil into this!

Screaming in frustration, I quickly threw the blades into the water which created a small splash before sprinting to the bus before the voices spoke to me anymore. Climbing on board, I threw myself onto the sofa and buried my head in my arms as I laid on my side, knees pulled into chest. Bawling, I as they say I 'lost it'. Uncontrollably crying; i couldn't stop.

Several hours later, still sobbing, I eventually trudged to the bathroom where I noticed my makeup was ruined, clothes stained and creased as well as portarying a bright red, tear-stained face. Quickly, I showered to try to clear my thoughts and tidy myself up. As I tied my hair up after throwing on my vest top i wore at the concert the other night and the tracksuit bottoms Vic had lent me as we were the same size, the band entered the bus - tispy to say the least!

"Anna!" Vic shouted loudly and jumped excitiedly into my arms. Smiling, I hugged him before he ran up and down the bus pretending to be a fairy with his brother. Laughing, Jaime threw his arm around me while holding a Jameson.

"He gets like this Vic does Even if he has had a tiny drop" he chuckled and I laughed in response. "You okay chuck?" Jaime asked as I yawned.

"just tired" I nodded.

"well, do you want my bunk?  i don't mind sleeping on the couch"

"That's your bunk. I will be okay. I have slept rough most of my life, another night won't make a difference"

"Really?"

"yeah... I will tell you another day"

"You don't need ta. Well, this sound weird ya know and I don't mean anything by it but you can share with me if you want to." I thought about what Jaime had said for a moment. It would be nice to sleep in comfort for once.

"okay if ya seriously don't mind"  I agreed.

"no problema mi amigo" He smiled.

"gracias" That was one of the only words I knew of Spainish.

"Night guys" I spoke as I yawned again before Jaime showing me to his bunk. What a day!