Obsession

28

•Vanna•

My couple of days of being a mom has been good. Cheonsa is only a new born now so she sleeps a lot. I'm laying with her on my living room floor when my phone rings, an unknown number showing up.

"Hello?" I answer. Before I can get anymore words out Cheonsa starts to cry.

"Shh oh honey it's ok," I pick her up rocking her gently.

"Um hello is this Vanna? Kim Vanna?" The other person says. I can't seem to recognize his voice.

"Yes, who is this?"

"Hi this is Taeyang or Youngbae. We have met before. I am in BigBang,"

My heart drops to my stomach. Why would Youngbae be calling me? How did he get my number? I briefly remember meeting him. It was awhile ago, Jiyong and I passed him in the YG building and Jiyong did a quick introduction but that's it. What would be the reason for him to call me?

"O-Oh hello, what are you calling for? How did you get my number?"

"I got your number from Heejoon. I'm sorry this is so sudden, but I'm calling to ask if you would be available to meet me?"

There is no way I am meeting him. Why are all these people who have ties to Jiyong coming into my life?

"I'm sorry Youngbae, I'm quite busy. I don't think I'll be able to meet you,"

"Is it because you are a babysitter?"

"A babysitter? I'm not a babysitter," I say confused. what is he talking about?

"Oh I just thought that because I heard a baby crying"

"That's my dau-" I cut myself off before I can finish. Shit I don't want him to find out and then tell Jiyong.

"You have a daughter?" Youngbae asked surprised.

Fuck! What do I do? I was hoping he wouldn't catch on.

"Y-Yeah I have a daughter, so I'm really busy right now" I hope he doesn't question me.

"How old is she?"

"She was born a couple days ago" I don't even know how to lie anymore.

"Oh my god, oh my god" I hear Youngbae repeat over and over again.

I stay silent but his tone scares me.

"Vanna have you told him?" He questions in a quiet voice.

I feel like I'm about to pass out. How did he know?

"W-What? Told who?" I can already feel tears come to my eyes.

"Vanna, oh my god you have to tell him. Jiyong would change if he knew he has a daughter. He will be so happy. Vanna he told me everything he did to you, and I don't stand behind it. It is a horrible thing Jiyong did, but he loves you Vanna so much he talked to me about you. I think if you tell him, and go see him with your guys daughter he will change"

I'm already crying by now. It's like no matter how hard I try to get away from him things just keep pulling me back.

"How do you know she's Jiyong's?" My voice breaks.

"She's not Jiyong's? But he told me that before you turned him in that you guys had sex, and it's been a year, she was only born a couple days ago. It only makes sense" fuck what can I do now?

I can't help but to burst out crying.
"Please don't tell him! Please please" my heart pace speeds up making me breath harder. "He did so much to me. I don't want him to be the father of my child. I can't trust him ever! Please Youngbae don't say anything!"

"But Vanna I know what he did is fucked up, but he has a right to know" he says in a gentle voice.

"I know he has a right to know, but I just want him out of my life. If he knows of Cheonsa he will be here always" my tears fall down my face dropping off my chin.

"Vanna I know what he did is wrong and horrible, but I'm scared that if nothing pulls Jiyong out of what he is going through he won't be here anymore" Youngbae's voice sounds as though he's about to cry. "He is really going through bad depression right now. I don't want to loose my brother"

"I'm sorry Youngbae, but I can't help you. I can't face Jiyong, every time I think of him all I see is the image of him doing drugs, and hitting me. I can't put my daughter through a bad situation. I'm sorry. I don't want nothing to happen to him either, but please understand where I'm coming from. Please don't tell him. If you do I won't visit him, and he will be sitting there more depressed than ever knowing he has a daughter he can't see. So please don't" my voice quivers beyond my control.

Youngbae is silent for a bit.

"Okay I-I won't tell him" his voice sounds hesitant.

"Thank you" I whisper.

"I won't tell him, but if you ever need anything please call me, I feel terrible you have to be a single mother.

"Okay"

I end the call feeling low. I can't describe how I feel I just feel like I can't do anything anymore. A loud cry startles me. I pick up Cheonsa pushing my feelings away.

____________________________________________________________________________

6 Months Later

The past six months have been pretty quiet, no more calls from people that know Jiyong. Except Youngbae who calls me from time to time. He checks on me and Cheonsa who he has met already. After he had called me that one time, he kept calling to meet up, and I just gave in. I don't know why, but Youngbae does make me feel a little comfortable.

Flashback

Youngbae is about to come over right now. As I'm picking my place up while holding Cheonsa, I hear a knock at my door. Opening it I see Youngbae. It's weird seeing him because I know him but I don't.

"Hello" I say smiling a bit.

He looks at Cheonsa and smiles, then he looks at me.

"Well you are definitely as beautiful as Ji says you are" he smiles. "I've just recently seen him, and he doesn't stop talking about how much he feels for you"

I sigh steeping to the side. "Come in" I say ignoring what he said.

We sit in my living room, Youngbae is holding my baby.

"She is so cute! She looks so much like you, but then she looks exactly like Ji"

I smile a little. "I've always wanted to be an uncle!" My smile falls. I hate that he thinks he will also be in our life, but I don't say anything.

End of Flashback

That whole day Youngbae couldn't let go of Cheonsa, me and him got to know each as well. Now he thinks we are some kind of friends. He always tells me how Jiyong is doing, but I try to block that out. I seriously want nothing to do with him.

Anyway right now Jonghyun is coming over. He always comes over to hang out, and play with Cheonsa. He has been a big part of our lives.

Cheonsa is growing so much now. It has been a struggle being a single mom. At nights she cries, I had to get used to waking up and taking care of her. Working at the bakery is hard because I don't have a babysitter, so I just work in the back with her with me.

Although things have been stressful I am so happy being a mom. When I feel as though I have lost all hope all I have to do is look at my baby she makes my life worth living. I love her so much. Just watching her grow is a gift.