Obsession

11

•Vanna•

"I will never love you I hate you."

I tell Jiyong looking straight into his eyes.

His facial expression changes for a split second, its like his whole world just ended.

For a second I felt a pain in my chest, maybe I shouldn't have said that.

Jiyong falls silent, his stare hard on my face.
I turn my head to the side not being able to handle his burning stare.

My heart is beating fast, my breathing as quiet as I can be.

I fear that if I move the slightest muscle Jiyong will blow up.

Jiyong steps closer to me, his chest touching with mine.

I hear a quiet chuckle escape his mouth.
Jiyong runs his fingers from my cheek down to my neck.

"You hate me?"
Jiyong whispers.

I stand there with my lips sealed, my body feels uneasy.

"What you don't want to talk now baby?"

I keep my mouth shut not letting out a sound.

"You hate me huh? Answer me!"
Jiyong raises his voice.

My eyes becoming watery.

Jiyong runs his hand down my neck over my chest and to my hip gripping my hip tightly.

I yelp quietly in pain.

"Aww are you in pain baby?" He grips harder.

My tears spilling out of my eyes.

"J-Jiyong p-please your hurting me."
I stutter crying.

"Oh I'm hurting you? Do you want me to stop?" He holds me tighter, pushing his fingers into my skin.

"Yes please s-stop." I grab his wrist trying to push his hand off me.

Jiyong tightens his grip.

"Now you know how I feel, you keep hurting me but you won't stop!"

Jiyong let's my hip go slightly pushing me into the counter.

My hip feeling bruised and sore.

"I don't hurt you physically."

"That's what you don't get, you may be hurting me emotionally but it hurts so bad it feels physical."

I stay quiet looking at the ground.

I hear him walk towards me again, this time he wraps his arms around my waist.

"Please Vanna it will only be easier if you love me back."

I lift my head looking at Jiyong.
His eyes looking deeply at me.
I can tell there's something wrong, his eyes are broken, he looks broken.

"Please just please love me!"

Jiyong begs sweat forming on his forehead, I feel his arms shaking around me.

I look at Jiyong. "What are you on Jiyong?"

He lets go off my waist a little taken aback.

"What are you talking about?"

"You look sick, your shaking and sweating, you must be on something and you need more of it." I whisper wiping my tears.

"I dont know what your talking about."

I look at him for a long time, now he is the one avoiding my eyes.

Taking a look all over his body I spot little dots on his arms like he's been getting shots from a doctor.

That's why he acts crazy and bipolar, he's on drugs.

•G Dragon•

"She hates you."

"She will never love a person like you."

"Your going to be alone forever."

My thoughts start to rush into my mind all at once.

I close my eyes trying to get rid of them.

I look at Vanna who is already staring at me.

I grab her hand and take her upstairs.

"Where are we going." I hear her say quietly.

"Back to your room."

I bring her to her room.

I'm about to leave until i hear her.
"But I haven't eaten yet."

"I'll bring you something." I say quietly leaving the room and locking the door.

I didn't bother to tie her up.

Going into my room I sit on my bed throwing my head back.

My body craving for the poison I put into it.

I wish I could stop, maybe I would be normal again.

~RING RING~

I look at my phone seeing my mom is calling me.

I wish I could just ignore it but I need to hear her voice.

"E-Eomma." I pick up with a quiet voice.

"Hi my jiyongie."

I can hear the smile in her voice.

God I wish I wasn't like this.

My eyes start to water.
"H-How are you eomma?"

"I'm doing well, and how is my jiyongie doing?"

How am I doing?

I'm fucked up.

My mind is twisted.

I hate myself.

I feel like I'm in the dark all the time.

The girl who I love hates me.

I kidnapped a girl for her love, yet I feel so alone!

I wish I could tell her this but I end up saying. "I'm fine."

"Okay well I just called to tell you that your sister is coming home from japan soon so maybe you could come and visit."

"I'll see if I can but I got to go eomma I'll call you later."

"Okay I love you Jiyongie."

"I love you too mom."

I hang up throwing my phone behind me.

I close my eyes and rub my forehead.

I get up and walk over to my table full of the poison that is slowly killing me.

Taking out two pills I crush them, snorting the fine powder to fulfill my needs. My head already getting light and dizzy.

I wipe the excess off and walk downstairs to make Vanna food.

After making it I walk upstairs and unlock her door opening it, I see her sitting on the bed.

"Here I made you food."

"Tha-."

I walk out and shut the door before she can respond.

I walk downstairs and go outside taking a cigarette out to smoke.

What am I supposed to do?

She hates me she's never going to love me.

Maybe I should just give up.

Give up on her, give up on myself.

Maybe life will be better without me in it.

Maybe I'll be happier.

Life is nothing without meaning, maybe I don't have a reason to live.