Obsession

17

•Vanna•

For the past ten hours all Jiyong has been doing is crying and sitting on the floor. All I can do is sit on his bed with my hands tied.

I wish I could help him, but I don't know what's wrong with him. Too many events in his life have been building up I don't think I'll ever be able to help him.

Even though Jiyong took me I believe I met the real Jiyong. Not G Dragon who is the glamorous, rich man. Not drug addicted Jiyong, but sweet, caring, big beautiful smile Jiyong.

When he was off drugs for that little of time I really felt I had connected with him. He actually made me smile and laugh. It kind of was just me and him, nothing else. I think the Jiyong I like is dead, he killed the real Jiyong. I can't be here with him anymore, I don't know what to do.

"You hate me, don't you." I hear from the floor Jiyong whisper.

I stay silent for a minute thinking of my answer.
"How can I say if I hate you or not? I don't exactly know who Jiyong is. You see I know G Dragon a talented person. I thought I knew Jiyong, when you managed to quit drugs that's who I like, but was it even real? Were you just acting? How can you go from such a nice, sweet person to this monster."

I hear Jiyong start to cry again. His back is facing me so I can't see his face. He brings the back of his hand up to wipe his nose.

"Yeah... Oh god I know, I know. I- I, what do I say." Jiyong voice is shaking, I can see tears falling into his lap. He keeps sniffling. His breath keeps hitching in his throat.

What can he say? At this point nothing he says will make me feel differently about him. He needs help and I need to get out and away from him forever.

"I've been alone for a good amount of my life. I've been in this industry since I was a child, I didn't have a normal childhood. I was barely around my family. The only friends I had were in YG, I mean I love what I do but the loneliness that came with it really got to me. Everyday when I go home it's empty, when I wake up I'm alone. When you have no one it gets to your head. I hate who I am, I feel so dead inside, my head always telling me I'm alone, people only want to be around me because of who I am. God I fucking hate myself. I fucking hate what I've done to myself."

Jiyong lays his head back against the bed. I can see his tears spilling out from his eyes and rolling down the side of his face into the sides of his hair.

"Now I'm the one who doesn't know what to say." I mumble quietly.

That's a lie. But how do I tell him why? His loneliness made him kidnap me? Why me? He took me away from my family and friends, now I'm lonely.

I admit I've grown feelings for Jiyong with the time I have spent with him, but I have this anger, fear and hatred towards him, he took me, he hit me. What am I suppose to say to him?

"Say what you truly want to say, cause I know you fucking hate me. I took you and tried to force you to love me. Your here in this house, you don't know where you are. I hit you last night. God what is wrong with me!" Jiyong cries harder putting his hands on his face his body shaking.

"I am so fucking sad and alone and I don't know what to do, I really don't. My thoughts just don't stop I'm in such a dark place Vanna. Last night I felt like I was going to die, the worst part is I was kind of was hoping I would."

Jiyong may have done a lot of things but no one should ever hope to die.

"Jiyong don't say that." I whisper to him hoping he heard me.

"What do you mean don't say that?! I'm a fucking mess Vanna! Everything I've done to you how can you still try to help me?" Jiyong wipes his nose and turns his head to look at me.

His eyes are bloodshot due to crying so much, his cheeks are sunken in I can practically see his bones.

I think about his question. How can I still say things to help him? Why am I?

"I guess I've just been taught to help people no matter how bad they have done, I'm always there for people in need."

"Don't help me. Im a bad person. Ive done bad things, half you don't even know. Do you not understand how fucking obsessed I am over you it's sickening, I'm a freak, I don't deserve anyone!"

"If you don't deserve anyone then why are you keeping me here? Let me go." My voice comes out shaky, I just want to leave, I can't be here no longer.
I look at Jiyong and he is silent.

"Please Jiyong untie me."

Jiyong stands up and looks at me. "Are you going to run away from me?"

"No Jiyong. I'm not going to run away from you. Trust me."

Jiyong slowly walks over to me and leans over me to untie the ropes. All I can do is lay here and look up at Jiyong who is practically hovering over me.

He unties both of my hands letting them go from the tight grip the ropes had on me, I rub both wrists where the rope dug into my skin leaving a burn.

I look up to see Jiyong's hand gripping the headboard still hovering above me, his eyes staring straight into mine. The look he is giving me is a look of defeat but there is something else behind it.

Jiyong gets on the bed, he starts to lower himself closer to me. I hold my breath nervous, what is he going to do?