As I Am.......By Kennie Ellis

Chapter 28

I felt so ashamed of myself my body. When my grandfather got sick I wished him dead because my sister was born  and I didn't want what was done to me to be done to her. My Grandfather died in 1977 I was 10 years old and my sister was almost 4 I kept her close to me at all times never allowing him to even touch her(Tears flowed) .I didn't tell my mother about it until I was 18 almost 19 years of age and a family friend tried to come on to me. I went off on him and refused to be another victim but he also brought back all those fears and insecuities inside.   I then went off to college and was raped on campus they never caught the courpt, here I was again back to being  afraid of my own shadow.   For so long I could never love or get close to a man, until I met my husband BB, (Your son's Dad)   he made me feel beautiful he was my King and he gave me all that I needed to lift my head up again.  I lost him in an accident.. My world was immediately turned upside down a widow with a baby. My world became my son and work I poured myself into both. (I am so proud of the man he's grown up to be, he's just like his father) by the way you talk about him I think he has a lot of his mother in him. (I smiled at him).. I've dated some, meeting  a few good men and a few bad ones. I've always been a Thick Madame and very paranoid of how I looked. Never ever feeling pretty enough or good enough, I shined as a mother and as a counselor and I was determined to do well in both. I'm very proud of me in both those areas of my life. But ME you deserve to be loved and cared for.  Some people do find it again I've just settled for not trying. 

So it wasn't just my presents that made you withdraw for me. (I smiled) not really.. ME Thank you for sharing this with me. I know trust is something that's earned not just given and with all that you've been through that's understandable. The night at the party when we danced I could feel your heart beat and I know if you were listening hard enough you could hear mine. Know one has ever made me feel the way you do. I want to be better around you. You are so loving and kind in many ways I don't think many deserve you . (I hadn't heard those words in so long my heart and spirit was so heavy full of joy and fear). Micheal you don't need me in your life you are an amazing person. Your heart is loving and giving and even if you didn't sponsor our organization I could see the love you have for people and how you guard and protect the ones you love. (Micheal stepped closer) Can I have this dance? Micheal please I don't need pity, it's not pity I want to hold you, dance with me like we did at the party please ME,( He  held out hand as she accepted playing on the record player was AT Last By Etta James) My body was shaking why I don't know he could feel me shake because he loosened his hold thinking that this my sooth me. Will you do me a favor, what? I asked  never looking up,  Can you please sing this song. Really, Really. I closed my eyes and pictured my son (he loved this song and I would sing it to him.  I begin to sing.. with my eyes closed I got engulfed in the song( I didn't notice the music had stopped and yet I could still here it playing). Micheal was looking down at me, I have so much love for this woman I can't let her go. I know you sent her just for me, I've never felt like this toward's anyone Please God give me the words and the know how to let this woman know that I love her.  I finally realized the music had stop  and embarrassed I stepped away . ME,  I have something to tell you and please just listen .. I know based on your actions and what you've shared with me you've been hurt a lot more than any woman ever should. My attuide and behavior probabaly hasn't proven or shown you anything pertainning to my feelings. I have to get this out, I am in Love with you and have been since I saw you.. I'm in love with your smile, your tenicity, your intelligence, your looks but mostly your spirit and the love you show towards others. I want to be your At Last, Your King if you'll have me.  Micheal what do you mean?  You're in love? How? Why? The same way I know that you love me as well. My status, nor money made you come running that didn't excite you. we could talk and I knew from the beginning you understood me.   Tears  were travenling down my face I've not felt this overwhelmed or loved in so long it was fear and excitement all at the same time. Baby please allow me to love you, let me be the one that protects you. He lifted my face.. and I was looking directly in his eyes i could see the love and concern that consumed them. Teary eyed he asked if he could kiss me. Without hesitation I nodded yes. Micheal slowly held me his arms and placed his lips to mine he first placed a little tongue inside of my mouth and as he saw that I was responding he held me close and kissed me passionately until it felt like I couldn't breathe but God knows I didn't want too. Our bodies craved each other I could here his moans as he circled my mouth with his tongue (Baby I promise I will love you forever) As we continued to caress and kiss I could feel this enormous bulge in his pants it was obvious how he was feeling.. To be honest you could literally see my nipples through the shirt I had on. As we continued to kiss we went to the couch and thats were things took on a direction of its on. He begin rubbing my side slowly lifting my shirt as he did he was slowly kissing and licking my ear then my neck and asking  is this OK, Please Micheal don't stop. (That's all I wanted her to say) I placed my hand under her blouse her body felt so good she smelled so good I had to make her mine. As I slowly lifted her blouse I could see her harden nipple through her bra. (I unclasped it from the front) she had the most beautiful full breast I had ever seen I had to taste them. I slowly licked around the base of her breast massaging the other gently.. I placed the nipple in my mouth sucking ever so gently.. I could feel the movement of her body under mine, and the response wasn't at all No. ME moaned with pleasure as if she had been waiting for this. I was determined to make her mine tonight.. I slowly unbutton her blouse making sure each button had  lifted her blouse off, and then her bra she went to act shy and I just kissed her and told her how beautiful she was and to never ever hide herself from me. As I removed each piece of clothing I caressed kissed and licked every inch of her body she tasted so good as if she was created just for me. I slowly went to her belly holding her body in my arms and not letting go. I could hear her moaning from pleasure and my goal then is too just give her pure and utter pleasure and to love her like she hadn't been loved. I slowly went down to her belly button and I felt her tremble, Baby if you want me to stop just tell me so... No please Micheal don't stop ..... Your wish is my command. I slowly pulled her pants down kissing her side her pelvic, and down to the middle of her pleasure point. I kissed and licked slowly around the clitoris she tasterd so good I could eat her up but I wanted her to guide me so I was gently. I then too her pants completely off she laid there naked and beautiful, She looked like a Goddess too me and I new she was my dream she is who I had been waiting for all my life. 

ME went to cover up 'No you are "Beautiful" You don't have to say that, Baby you are my gift my angel let me show you. Micheal slowly went down on me licking my every element placing his tongue all over my body I had never felt such pleasure I moaned, I signed I cried I was filled with so much emotion and all that I knew was that I did not want him to stop. He lifted my leg up and then placed his tongue inside my vagina licking and sucking on my clitoris and driving me crazy, I couldn't stand it, the way he was making my body respond I felt like I wasn't in control ... I whispered I want you Micheal please I want you.. Baby that's all I wanted to hear, I'm yours forever... Micheal pulled off his pants and had a condom in his wallet Baby I don't want you here on the couch I want to make love to you in bed, May I, he lead me to my bedroom he laid me on the bed.. as he placed the condom on I could see how well endowed he was I was just hoping I could take all of him in and satisfy him.  ME you guide this if something isn't right for you or doesn't feel right please tell me. Promise, I promise. He then went down on me again but this time licking more aggressively as if he was licking a lollipop the consistent licks and sucks over my clitoris only made me wetter and wetter, please Micheal make love to me, now please. Micheal lifted my legs and entered me so gently lifted my body up to meet his he slowly moved as he went in deeper and deeper. The whole time he made love to me he whispered I love You ME, know that I love you...  (This man made love to every inch of my body leaving noting out)  We made love all night I was so exhausted that I did not know he had left. When I awaken and didn't see him I immediately thought the worst. He's seen my body and he couldn't take seeing it anymore. I begin to cry and laid on my pillow.. the door open and Micheal had went and brought croissants and orange juice. when he came in the room he laid in bed and seen I had been crying) Baby what's wrong? I didn't see you and I thought you had left look I'm sorry I  don't need your pity... It's not pity,  I love you, (He held my face in his hands) Look at me, I Love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, You are my rib and I've waited for you all my life.  All I could do is cry how I waited for someone to say those words to me.. I want to be yours for the rest of our lives I want to share this world with you and all that's in it as long as were in it. Micheal what are you saying... Look get up get some clothes on and I'll call you  later I have to do somethings.. Huh right now Really???? after making that type of statement and then just cutting it all please baby dress nice I want to take you out to celebrate us. Micheal ahhh please trust me ok.  Micheal gets up and leaves and I'm lying that wondering what the hell just happened, but feeling so much Joy and happiness in my heart I felt I was going to explode.