Behind Closed Doors

Chapter 21

Have you ever just woke up and asked yourself: Did god really plan this for me?  Is this how my life was suppose to go? To fall in love with someone highly unexpected and to be in such a compromising position?

I lifted my head and glance down at Connor's unmoving body.  I felt groggy, my body was stiff from lying in that uncomfortable position and my head was pounding from my crying.   I hadn't cried all day or the day before, but when I had seen him lying there so still, so fragile,  I broke down.  I soaked his white blanket,  my tears creating a large wet circle.  

The entire time I had sat with him I was silent. There wasn't much I could say and I wasn't sure if he'd even hear me. So, I was quiet.   I quietly waited,  I quietly watched and I quietly thought.   I thought about how this was going to pan out.  

Taking a deep breath,  my eyes flickered to all the wires connected to his body,  and then the heart monitor.  It wasn't easy to sit here and take this in.   It was hard.  It made it hard to breath.  Hard to think. Everything was just so hard. I sit back, and take his hand squeezing it. 

I open my mouth to say something,  but closed it and shook my head. Everytime I tried to say something I became stuck. I swallowed and closed my eyes.  The door to the room opened and I pulled my hand out of his. 

"Jennifer,  darling, I didn't realize that you were still here.  Do you want to be alone? " His mother spoke.  I turned around to look at her.  Although she had this sort of distraught look on her face she was just as elegant and graceful as before.

I shook my head and she took a seat beside me. She didn't speak initially,  but she stared ahead at Connor. 

For several minutes we sat there,  next to eachother silently. 

His mother sighed and turned to me, " I just wish sometimes that we could've lived a normal life. "

I look over at her, surprised by her admission.  She sounded almost exactly like Connor and that's what surprised me. I remember him saying the exact same thing on several occasions. 

I clear my throat," Yeah, Connor said the same thing."

Mrs. Middleton chuckled.  "That sounds like him,  he never wanted the privilege.  He loved his country,  he wanted to be king,  but he didn't want anyone to look at him... like he was better than them.  Connor's humble,  even if people never really saw that.   They only thought of him as a snooty, rich playboy. I just wish the media could've seen the Connor that I had."

I had seen the Connor she had as well.   Sometimes Connor was an asshole,  but at other times he could be extremely sweet.  The Connor she saw was the Connor I had fell in love with and the Connor that I saw more often than any.

"Mrs. Middleton,  why are you so nice to me? I'm not your daughter in law and your son's committing infidelity. "

She was silent again,  her eyes on Connor.   I glance over at her, waiting for a response and when I didn't get one I turned back around fustrated. 

"He's my son," she finally said.  "We all make mistakes,  we are all human.  He's only human.   You weren't his mistake,  it was rather Caitlyn.   He made a mistake in rushing into whatever they were.   He wasn't ready for a commitment.   He should've waited for you. " She stopped,  turning to me and narrowing her eyes. "He loves you, Jenny.   He really does and I want him to be happy." She took my hand. 

"Mrs. Middleton -"

"Emily,  you're practically my daughter. " She smiled and it sent a warm tingling feeling to my heart.