Into the Light

I'll do anything for you

"Have you forgotten what happened? You were injured - during a lesson!" Severus said desperately.

Julie dropped her gaze and beheld her scarred hand. "This, um, I could ..."

"Stay away from the lessons," Severus finished her sentence, clearly agitated. "That's what you should do. Stay away and stay safe."

Julie sighed.

Severus looked at her with a deep frown. "You can do something else," he suggested, gently.

"And what should I do? Shall I just sit around and get bored?" she asked frustrated, knowing that was exactly what Severus wanted. Julie sighed loudly as she lowered her eyes to her hand again.

Severus followed her gaze and he let his shoulders slump a little. Julie knew him well. She knew what was on his mind. In his opinion it would be best if she did not do anything. But could he demand this from her?

"Please understand that I want to keep you safe," he began, "Although the students show better behavior most of the time, occasional accidents occur. After this incident happened ..." his gaze lingered on her scarred hand and he drew a deep breath. "I did not want you to take part in the lessons," he admitted, shaking his head slowly, "But I also knew that I could not take that away from you, even if I wanted to. But now ..."

Severus looked into her green eyes, which bore a sad expression. "Now it's different. Everything will be different." He looked at her pleadingly. "The thought that something might happen to you again, almost drove me mad. And now ... " He paused as his gaze wandered lower and he beheld the soft curves that were concealed by the green sweater that clung to them. "I doubt that I'll be able to cope with the situation if you would take part in the lessons. It would drive me mad. There is too much to lose. I can not understand how you can think so irrational."

The way he looked at her when he spoke those words made Julie's chest tightened uncomfortably, as numerous emotions welled inside her. She had seen the flicker of pain in his eyes that had immediately become replaced with fear. The fear for something that was well-known to him. The fear of loosing something ... of loosing someone. Reflexively Julie placed one hand over her stomach, fingers brushing tenderly, as if she feared to hurt the fragile life within her.

'Someone who has lost as much as Severus, what do you think is his greatest fear?' Poppy's words echoed in her head while a faint pain kindled in her heart and grew quickly into an unpleasant feeling. Julie swallowed hard. 'He does not want to lose any more.' Her bottom lip quivered and Julie reached out and brushed her fingers over the many buttons of his jacket which were all buttoned up to his neck, except for the three top ones. She rolled one of the buttons between her fingers as she pondered with a hurting heart over the conversation she had had with Poppy.

Solitary, she had called him on that day. Lost, and ready to risk. Amidst the absolute chaos, Severus could remain impossibly focused, as he was sustained by a yet unknown source of strength. Julie wondered again, what had kept him going all these years. The aspect of Severus, which had been impossible for her to name in the beginning, had finally revealed itself to her - surprisingly within herself. It was something they had in common. Julie had carried it in herself as well, but now it was gone. She shook her head almost imperceptibly as she did not agree with her thoughts. No, it was still there, but it did not bother her anymore. Because now she was finally whole again. And all thanks to her husband, who had just recently been no more than a stranger to her, and, who was now anxiously standing before her, fearing that he might lose something he had just found. But he wouldn't lose a thing, no matter what.

Julie took a step toward him, then sank into his embrace. She buried her face in his shoulder as he held her. She needed him. And he needed her just as much, if not more. This thought eased the pain that still gnawed on her heart and Julie breathed in his scent before she sighed deeply.