Into the Light

It's never too late to be what you might have been

The gloomy light in the corridors of the dungeons, matched Snape's mood. He had spent the last three days sitting in front of the muggle machine, watching nonsense. Now he was desperate to get rid of the unpleasant feeling in his head. News about idiotic politicians who imagined they could rule the world, to the stupidest idea ever, to be able to predict the weather. Everything was now present in his head. Snape had returned to Hogwarts yesterday, planning to enjoy the quiet before the noisy students would arrive. Unfortunately, it had been far from quiet. Dumbledore had given him a long speech, as Snape had not yet made the timetables and Minerva had been shocked when Snape sat impassively in the meeting and fiddled with his wand. He showed no interest. What for? Snape did not care. After Minerva's bugging lecture, Snape had retreated to his office to be alone, which had not exactly been pleasant. He had thought incessantly about Miss Abbot.

Now, a day later, Snape was on his way to the great hall. The noise of the students echoed through the wide passage through which he strode grimly. Snape was extremely annoyed. The foolish talk of the students disgusted him. But as if that were not enough, he had to sit in the hall and let his appetite be spoiled by the dimwitted ramblings of the students.
Snape growled annoyed as he strode through the small door, which was reserved only for the professors. His mood could hardly be worse. He entered the hall and sat down on his chair at the long table. It was uncomfortably loud and Snape's piercing cold stare wandered through the great hall. His gaze lingered at the table of the Slytherin's, which happily ate the feast and chatted cheerfully.

He frowned. Julie's place was empty and Snape grumbled something inaudible. In fact, someone else was sitting in her seat. Snape boiled with rage and made a mental note to punish the student at the first opportunity. As much as he had hoped that this year would never end, now he hoped that it would be finally over. He no longer wanted to carry on. Snape wanted to run away. And then? There was no other place for him. What could he do, than to be a professor? Nothing. Snape grumbled. He had thought about this issue a few days ago. Why did he now began to think about it again? Probably because Miss Abbott had not come, he admitted to himself. Up to last Snape had hoped. Hoped that she would return. He grumbled and began to pick at his food.
His life was bleak. Snape swallowed hard. Why these thoughts returned now? Of course, the reason for this was the absence of Miss Abbott. He had not been able to concentrate on anything else, besides her. Tomorrow morning the lessons would start and Snape remembered again that he had still not made the timetables. After Dumbledore's unexpected visit to his office during the holiday nothing was like it was before.

He growled angrily and looked at Poppy's place. Her chair was empty. She had advised him to visit Julie at home. Poppy had given him so much hope, but in the end it was all for naught. To date, Poppy's council had always proved correct, why not this time? His mood worsened even more and Snape began to make scratches with his fork in the tabletop. Snape's anger had got company. Suddenly he felt lonely. It was a cruel emotion and Snape did not even have the desire to fight against it.

Snape looked up and stared at Julie's seat at the Slytherin's table which was now empty. At least he had a few more memories of Miss Abbott. He kept them like a treasure in a small wooden box, in small vials. There was not a day that passed where he did not stand at the pensive and revived his memories of Miss Abbott. Especially those of his visit. How Julie had sat on her bed. How her long hair cascaded over her shoulders. He loved the memory as her fingers had wandered respectfully about his manuscript. How she had smiled at him. Even the sadness which had mirrored in her eyes when he had told her that the happiness had never left her, every memory was precious to him.

When Albus had learned that Snape had given away his manuscript, he had wondered if Snape had lost his mind. Severus had replied that his manuscript had no value for him. He would not find happiness if he would print and publish it. Snape knew that Albus did not understand this. What joy would Snape find if he would publish a book? Snape took a little pleasure in the fact, that Miss Abbott read his manuscript now and he hoped, that she would make use of it.