Trust Issues | e.d

F I F T Y - T H R E E

Warning: May be triggering for some of you, please read with caution.

Suicide is no joke. Suicide is NOT the answer to the problem. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. ♡ (What Malia says in this chapter is and ONLY is meant for this book. Suicide is not your fault, you are NOT weak or stupid etc. Everyonr has their breaking points at some point in their life. This is all for the fanfiction)

No one has let me out of their sight since my suicide attempt. It's been hard for everyone. I've had everything crash down on me all at once and I felt that suicide was the only way to escape.

It was a selfish thing to do I'll admit, but everyone just comes to a point in life when they get tired of all the bullshit.

After my attempt, I was taken to the hospital. They said that some of the pills didn't make it out of my system.

I can still remember the amount of blood that came out from my mouth, the metal taste felt never ending. The pounding pain in my head while my stomach felt like it was in knots.

I should be dead...

Luckily, I'm not.

Which brings me here.

Therapy. 2 weeks after my suicide attempt.

"That's it for today Malia, I'll see you on Friday for our third therapy session." We shake hands and I walk out, seeing my sister waiting for me in the car.

When I step inside the car, we don't say a word. She just starts the car and drives. Silence eats at us both, but we don't dare say a word to eachother.

We don't know a single thing about eachother, we had different lives. My dad took my sister and my mom took me.

She's the perfect daughter...I'm the fucked up daughter.

My biological dad knows about everything that I did.

My mom told hom and thought he'd take her side, but he only blamed her and himself. He blamed himself for not being present in my life and my mom for not respecting my decisons and being too harsh only worrying about her reputation and what others would say about her.

When I arrive home, I get out of the car not saying a word to my sister. I haven't said much ever since that day I tried to commit suicide.

I only head to my room and lock myself in complete and utter darkness.

I sit up against the headboard, looking down at my hands, slowly feeling the stinging in my eyes as my vision blurs. The tears well up as I think about what I did.

How did I stoop so low to the point where I thought ending my life was the best thing I could do.

I felt weak, because I actually was weak.

Everyone was right. I hid behind my words in order to hide the pain. What I didn't realize was how much it was building up on me and becoming a weight on my shoulders.

I'm selfish.

I only thought about myself. I didn't think about how much this would take a toll of everyone.

Ethan hasn't talked to me. He won't answer my calls or texts. I don't know where he's at.

Isabel comes over often, but ends up leaving as soon as she starts to cry.

Grayson has only came once, he left me flowers, but that was it.

I miss the way things used to be. When I used to be happy. When my friends had my back. When I had my boyfriend by my side. When my dad was alive.