Through out the 3 months, I've started college as probably obvious. I like the college life, but I feel like I'm becoming suffocated with responsibilities, I gotta make sure my work is done for class, go to sleep at a certain time to make sure I have energy for basketball practice, then I gotta come home to the fam. August brings in enough money to give me rent now, which helps me with the bills. My mama went back to school, so she could find herself a suitable job. When she finishes, I doubt she'll try to go to college. My mama's the type to only want a job, not a career.
August and I have grown kind of close, I guess you could say. But only because we work together now. Speaking Of work, that shit is starting to bring me down a little. The days I do have to work, we always seem to pass a drug addict on the way to make another deal. I can only wonder if the person has kids, a significant other, a family. I can only think to myself that, I kinda help destroy families and relationships with drugs.
I mean I don't force them to buy it, but I sometimes feel guilty. Because what if there were no drugs for them to buy? What if a drug dealer refused to sell an addict drugs? Families, relationships, and lives would be restored. But that won't happen. No drug dealer or kingpin will risk money to help somebody they don't know. Even if they would, there's always somebody to replace them that will. Just like when I stop, I have no doubt I'll be replaced with the quickness. That's the way the game goes.
August also finally opened up to me, kinda. One day we were on our way to make a drop and just asked him had he talk to his mom since she'd kicked him out. His answer was no. He eventually told me he disliked her boyfriend, which led to problems. He then told me why they moved here, I learned his brother was murdered. He got kind of touchy on the subject so I didn't question him about it, nor did I try to console him. He already seemed like he was about to break down, he did need me to rub his back and ask was he okay, knowing he wasn't. That only would've made him breakdown, at least that's how I am.
Corahn and I've had a few exchanged text messages, only messages like "hey, wyd, nothing much wbu" types of texts. Dry ass text messages. I still find it crazy how he changed so quickly. All of this wasn't necessary. He didn't have to act like a stranger just because he kissed me, and he developed feelings for me. Yeah I'm still not letting that shit go, he definitely had feelings for me, and I had feelings for him. I ain't gone say I was in love with him, because I don't know what love is.
Sure, I call Anthony my first love because he was my first everything. But I ain't love his ass neither, ain't no telling when I'll fall in love. Speaking of him, he's been Trynna get his place back in my life. He took me out to eat a couple weeks ago. We didn't go to nothing fancy, we just went to Applebee's. I gotta admit I've been getting a good vibe from him. He's still lustful and I have to put him in check at times, but he's been cool.
He came and supported me for my first game too. I found that kinda sweet, I'd told him about the game, but didn't expect him to really show up. But there he was, right there with my Mom, Shawnie, and August. For some reason I could hear his voice over everyone else's. And believe me there was plenty of other people screaming. But the main voice I heard was Anthony's. "Let's go pooka!" Was all I heard. Probably because of that ugly ass name. But the thing was, he was there. And I didn't even expect him to be.
Did I forget to mention something? ... Right, Corahn and I have been throwing shade at each other from time to time on Instagram. For example, A couple weeks ago, I posted a picture from the movie juice, and captioned it "your day ones aren't always your A1's". Minutes later, this niggas posts an insta quote saying "people change, including friends and family. Anybody can change on you, beware" I didn't change on corahn, so I didn't know if he was talking about me or not. But after somebody commented saying "true, ain't no such thing as a bestfriend for me." And corahn response was "Exactly." I knew he had to been talking about me or referring to me. His ass don't do insta quotes for one, but when I upload a picture talking about friendship, here his ass go. That was not a coincidence.
