This Could Turn Into Something (oneshots)

It's not right, but it's okay

My body made a mark in the bed. An old mattress with old fashion springs and bedding. It has spent it's life giving me pains in my spine. I've woken in the midst of night, crying silently to myself. It was too quiet for you to hear. Or perhaps you just didn't care. A draft would often slip through the crack at the bottom of the door. I'd have goosebumps from head to toe. But, you always kept most of the blankets. My pillow became so wet with tears that it awkward to sleep on. So, I had my nights to my thoughts. I would question all of my decisions to this point. I'd ask why am I here. Then, your snoring would break my train of thought. I couldn't handle it anymore. I began sleeping on the couch. But, my body has made a mark in that too. The couch smelled old with stuffing popping out. There was a leak above my head. I'd be soaked in the spring. However, I found it much more comfortable than the bed. I was alone on the couch. That's when you stopped sleeping in the bed, too. I would listen for the front door to open in the middle of night. That's when you came back from where ever you've been. There came a time when you would leave and the morning and not come back until the next day. Then you'd be away for a couple days. I stayed home listening to the pitter patter of rain on the single windowpane in the bathroom. Sometimes, when you were out, I'd stay in the bathtub until my skin became wrinkled.  I loved being clean. The sweet smell of soap and shampoo was better than the bed or the couch. There was this one time that you got home. You didn't see me since I was in the bathroom. You called my name and I did not answer. I heard her voice. She was giggling. She giggled all the way in to my old bed. And you giggled with her. Did you have to be so loud? I waited until she left and you had gone to sleep. By that time my skin was so dry that I had to avoid the bath for a few days. You went out again, only this time I didn't see you until weeks later. You stopped acknowledging me. After that, you left and didn't come back. The leak continued to drip on my head. I ignored the bedroom. It wasn't my bed anymore anyway. The couch got uncomfortable, so I resorted to sleeping on the floor. Every time I moved in my sleep the floorboard creaked. The fridge was getting empty and the rent was getting higher. I had to move out without you. My new home was much worse. But, at least I could sleep in the bedroom. It was a single bed, just enough room for me. I didn't not miss your snoring or anything else. I ran into you and you asked if I wanted to start over. I thought that girl was giving you all of her loving and her body. Her body probably didn't make a mark in the bed, huh? At that point I wanted to say no. But, I didn't. Obviously, I didn't. You are next to me in the present time. You look the same, but different. There is red stuff all over you and a silver kitchen knife that lies across your chest. I remember when you would yell at me for not cooking. I remember you ignoring me, being so insensitive. I remember you bringing her into my bed. Into my mark that I have made into it. She was on my pillow soaked with tears and felt the draft roll in. She had gotten goosebumps where I used to. The sheets of little pink flowers and deep red blanket. I had picked those out. She defiled it. You defiled it. I don't know what force pushed us apart. It was so nice in the beginning. What changed? Was it you? Or was it me? We used to talk, but I've rendered you silent. Why would you try to fix what has been broken for too long? This has to be the only way to at least avoid it. I mean, don't you deserve it? Why aren't you answering me. What have I done wrong to you? I love you with all of my heart. I wanted to be with you. What changed? Did your feelings for me fade? Were you too scared to admit it? All I've ever done is love you. Fuck you, though. You broke my heart. It can't be fixed. Might as well avoid it. I'm going back to bed. My bed without an old mattress with old fashion springs and bedding. I'm going to my own bed that I have not quite made a mark in yet.