The Secret Life - Sex and Blood anyone?

The Secret Life ((Part 20)

I stared at my bruised hand that night, unable to fall asleep.

The dogs were all peaceful and I found myself resenting them for being able to sleep. Another hour passed and I realized that maybe I was restless because I was used to being out hunting at night and being here, in the house, just didn't feel right.

I wiggled and pulled on my body until it was detangled from the dogs and then I tip-toed through Jace's apartment and to the front door. I had seen the flight of stairs that led to the roof earlier and that's exactly where I went now. I walked until I was in the middle of the roof and then laid down with my hands behind my head, looking up at the full moon and the stars.

I heard the light footsteps come over to me.

"Fancy meeting you here." Jace said, and laid down next to me.

I looked over and him and smiled.

"Yea, what a coincidence. How did you know I was up here?"

"I didn't." He said. "I come up here all the time just to think, so if anyone should be asking that, it should be me."

I sighed. "I couldn't sleep. Listen, I'm sorry about earlier; its just, my life is so crazy right now and I haven't had a minute to just sit down and let myself feel...anything."

I was quiet for a minute, letting him process that.

"Is that why you didn't fight?" His voice almost sounded hoarse, like it hurt him to ask what he just did.

I rolled onto my side and looked at him.

"What are you talking about? From what I recall I was doing most of the fighting."

He rolled over too and locked his eyes with mine.

"I meant when Austin attacked you. When Cara and I got there, you were laying on the ground, so defeated and I thought..." He closed his eyes.

"But then you sat up, and I was coming over to help you get out of the cuffs, but you just broke them off like it was nothing."

"It was nothing." I said, knowing that wasn't what he wanted to hear.

"But why? Why didn't you break out before he...did those things to you?"

I looked at him, wondering if he could understand.

"I just felt like that was what I deserved. I...had been with a guy just a half hour before that. A guy I met in the bar, and I was feeling low and a bit drunk, and I just felt like that was my payback."

Jace closed his eyes and moved his hand to his forehead.

"You thought you deserved to get raped in front of a group of perverts? That you deserved to be violated by an idiot like Austin?"

I shuttered and laid back down again; my back flat against the cool concrete.

I took a deep breath, "Did you know that I can't have a baby?"

I had my eyes closed so I couldn't see his reaction, but I heard him answer.

"Do you want a baby?"

I laughed, but didn't open my eyes. "No, I don't know. Who would want to bring a baby into a world like this? Who in their right mind would willingly sacrifice their child to this? It's not that I want a baby, its just...I want the option to have a baby. That's just one of the many things my father took from me, along with my childhood."

I felt Jace staring at me, wondering why I was confessing this to him.

"How do you know?" He asked.