Fawns In Thorns

Guilty Sorrow

Whilst Lucy was sleeping Yoongi was trying to explain, with the help of Jin and Namjoon, what had happened to Lucy to everyone. All Yoongi knew was that Lucy's father was bad news and shouldn't be anywhere near her from now on. When he told them he could have potentially abused her in the past Jungkook ran out of the house, Hoseok tried but Yoongi and Taehyung held him back.

No one commented on Lucy staying, they only asked how she was, if they should go get her stuff and what they should do about her father. They didn't come up with any conclusion, except that Jungkook is probably going to the hospital.

Someone knocks on the door softly making me wake up, I yawn as whoever knocked enters the room.

"You're so cute when you yawn." Hoseok laughs as he sits on the bed.

"Thanks," I reply, sitting up. "I think."

"You never told me about your father." Hoseok shuffles closer to me. "I'm guessing you didn't tell Jungkook or Yoongi either."

"No.." My voice trails off. "Mother and I agreed not to tell anyone."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks, his eyes resemble a puppy's.

"I'm not ready just yet," I try to smile. "But thank you."

"Let's talk about something else then." He says as he sits beside me. "Anything you want to talk about?"

"There was something I was thinking about the other day when Yoongi was at mine." I say, thinking about Yoongi and I's sleepover.

"Yoongi slept at yours?" Hoseok suddenly is tense. "At your house?"

"Yes," I reply, feeling uneasy. "I thought he told you."

"No," Hoseok gulps. "No, he didn't."

"Anyway," I say quickly, trying to change the course of the conversation. "I was thinking about..our 'relationship'."

"Oh." His shoulders slump, he must not be tense. "Our relationship."

"Considering Hwasa is dead now," I feel sick saying it out loud. "You don't need to date me now, you're safe."

"But what about you?"

"Me?"

"You're not safe," Hoseok's voice gets softer. "I could keep you safe."

"But you don't have to date me to do that." I fiddle with my fingers. "We could just be friends."

"Friends?" His voice seems hurt.

"Yes," I look away. "Maybe later on we can get closer but I'm not ready for a proper relationship under these circumstances."

"I understand," Hoseok says quickly. "I totally understand, I didn't mean to seem pressurising, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise." I rest my head on his shoulder. "Never apologise to me."

"Your wish is my command, baby." Hoseok puts an arm around my shoulder. "Wait, should I stop calling you 'baby' from now on?"

"That's probably for the best." I grin. "Did I just totally friend zone you?"

"Yes," he leans his head on mine. "I'll cry myself to sleep later, don't worry."

Accidentally, I laugh.

"Ya! You shouldn't be laughing about me like that!" Hoseok laughs too. "You're no angel, are you?"

"Of course not," I sigh. "I'm pretty sure no one can be pure in this world."

"You've got that right." He sighs too. "Everything is too complicated nowadays."

"How did you get into the way you live now?" I ask out of the blue. "Were you born into it or did one day you just decided to become a thug?"

"No one in BTS wants to be like this," Hoseok replies. "We all would rather be like everyone else."

"You're avoiding the question."

"Oh, well, I guess it all started when I was born." He breathes heavily. "My mother died giving birth to me, my father always blamed me for it until I was around ten years old and he hung himself on the same tree he pushed me on our swing. It was only my stepsister and I afterwards, her mother was a colleague who left her baby with my father and ran away. I was a troublemaker as a teenager, Solin, my stepsister, was more concentrated on her studies and working. She was always wanting to get money for us, she was always dragging my ass home from some party I'd get wasted at. One night I decided to bring Solin and her boyfriend to my friends' party, I promised her I wouldn't drink any alcohol as I'd be driving home. My friend had spiked my drink and we crashed on the way home, only I survived."

"That's awful." I whisper, wrapping my arms around his waist and bringing him closer. "I'm sorry."

"After missing her funeral I wanted to die so much, I guess the guilt of my parents, my stepsister and her boyfriends deaths dwelled on me for too long. I was in a store getting rope when I saw Yoongi stealing some knives, I took them off him and paid for them myself. I told him I was going to kill myself so it didn't matter if he paid me back or not, he asked me if I wanted to joint a gang." He sighs. "The second best option from suicide was throwing my life away, so that's what I did."

He holds my hand and rubs patterns slowly on my skin.

"I don't regret anything, these boys are my family, I wouldn't change my decision." Hoseok stops his fingers. "I do still have to take pills now and again, I also have nightmares."

"I have to take pills," I say. "But I've seen what they can do to people so I don't take them. I rarely have nightmares, it's more of not being able to sleep at all."

"We will never let your father hurt you." Hoseok wraps his fingers around mine. "You do know that, right?"

"Yes," I smile. "I know I'm safe here."

"Why don't we make a deal?" Hoseok's leg drapes over mine. "Anytime one of us has a nightmare or can't sleep, we'll meet each other in our rooms."

"Deal." I reply quickly.

"I'm glad I've told you about my past."
Hoseok nudges his foot at my leg. "One day I hope you can trust me enough to tell me yours."

"Of course," I look up at him, he is looking down at our hands. "You'll be the first person."

He looks down at me and our eyes meet.

"You're eyes are quite beautiful." He says, a smile tugging at his lips.

"Quite?" I ask, pretending to look offended. "Don't you mean extremely?"

"And the sassy diva at school has entered the house." Hoseok shouts making me laugh. "She's going to wreck you all with jokes about your penis size!"

"It's funny because it's true!" I say between laughter.

Our laughter fills the empty house, everyone can hear us. I look up to him again to see him already watching me.

"You could just kiss me, right now." I giggle as I turn away.

"If you keep being like this," Hoseok nuzzles his nose into my hair. "I'm only going to fall for you more."