The Little Black Book For Guys: Guys Talk About Sex

TREAD SOFTLY: What To Do When Your Friend Comes Out

TREAD SOFTLY: What To Do When Your Friend Comes Out 

by Andrew Coimbra 

 What do you do if you are straight and you have a friend who tells you that he is gay? You might feel weird at first. After all, we often hear a lot of negative stuff about gay people, right? But remember that he is your friend. He was gay before he told you, even if you didn’t realize it. He hasn’t changed, but his telling you might change the way you think about him. 

Instead of freaking out, take some time to think about why you may feel uncomfortable. Just because your friend is gay, it doesn’t mean he wants to suck your dick. More likely, he just wants you to keep being his friend no matter what. The most important thing you can do is support him. So tread softly and assure him that you are still his friend and that you won’t tell anyone that he’s gay. This is his information, so let him tell people when he’s ready. Coming out can be a really hard thing to do. You can make it easier. Here are some tips: 

 Don’t panic 

There is a lot of misinformed shit out there about gay people. If we don’t know anyone who is gay, it can be hard to know what to expect. We might get nervous, uncomfortable, or even a little spooked. Just remember that this is your friend. You know him. Plus, there is lots of solid, honest info available about gay people. Take some time to find it and learn more. 

 Don’t question him 

When someone comes out, a lot of times our first reaction is to ask “Are you sure?” Think about how hard it must be to tell someone that you are gay. Most people are damn sure before they say it out loud to someone. Remember, you may be hearing this for the first time, but your friend has been thinking about it for a loooooooong time. 

 Tell him you are his friend 

One of the scariest things about coming out is the fear of losing the people you love and rely on. Well, friends rely on each other—especially during hard times. So let your friend know you will be there for him, from womb to tomb, from birth to earth. Even if you’re uncomfortable at first, let him know you are still his friend. You have plenty of time to relax about it and learn more about gay people. 

 Don’t tell anyone 

Coming out is way personal. Gay people need to do it when they are ready and with the people they choose. No one should do it for them. You wouldn’t want someone blabbing your personal secrets all over, would you? If a friend tells you that he is gay, it means he trusts you. Don’t break that trust by telling other people. Your friend might be coming out only to you now, or to you and his family, so don’t assume he wants his info made public; it’s his coming out and his schedule. 

 Support him 

When your friend begins to tell more people, things could get dicey. Some of his friends might reject him, or maybe his par¬ents will not be so supportive. Other people may start to harass him and call him names. Let him know you still support him. 

 Learn more 

If you don’t know a lot about gay people, find out more. There is a lot of bullshit out there, so be careful where you look. Check out the Resources at the back of this book for some websites, or ask your friend where you can get more information.