The Little Black Book For Guys: Guys Talk About Sex

Preface

(The story you are about to read contains sexual content and language. It may not be appropriate for all audiences. Please read at your own discretion.)

Preface

I had to become a man at a really young age. Being an immigrant and not living with my parents had a huge impact on how I grew up, my opinions of men around me, and what I believed manhood to be. I had to look to other men in the community to help me learn and grow - some of the attitudes I absorbed were healthy and some were certainly not. When you are in search of something, sometimes you can end up with the incorrect information or fall in with an unhealthy mentor.

I ended up piecing together ideas of what it meant to be a man from lots of places: music, TV, men on the block, and most importantly, my women friends. I wish that, when I was a teenager, I could have been around more men who talked honestly about manhood, sex, and relationships. I wish I had had a book like the one you're holding in your hands.

This book came into being thanks to the St. Stephen's Community House Youth Arcade. The Arcade is a youth drop­in center in downtown Toronto. It's a place where you can be yourself - with all the good, the bad, and the ugly that is you-and nobody is going to judge you. It is also a place that encourages you to challenge your assumptions, to think critically about the world around you, and to contribute what you can to the community. It was through the Arcade that, a few years ago, a group of young women put together The Little Black Book for Girlz: A Book on Healthy Sexuality. The book was a hit.

Thanks to the girls' success, the Arcade became a place where young men also started to talk about sex in a non­judgmental, honest way. We began to meet weekly as a group and shared our experiences, a lot of laughs, and the particular problems we faced as young men. Eventually, the group became such a sup­portive network that we decided to collect material for our own book: The Little Black Book for Guys. We wanted a book that, like our group, could help guys bridge the gap between the world's expectations of us and what we were actually experiencing.

When we first started writing, all our machismo came out. We wanted to sound like (and be thought of as) people with answers, people with solutions, and yet not like the other "guys" - you know, the loudmouth dogs of the bunch. It took some time for us to admit that we didn't have all the answers, we weren't experts, and we weren't perfect. What we did have was our experiences, and we've tried to write about them honestly. You will see that this is a book of many voices, cultures, and perspectives. We tried not to focus on "right or wrong" but just what's real. When information required an expert, we talked to one; in fact, health professionals have read through everything to make sure we didn't mess up any facts. We hope you find answers to your questions about sex and relationships, but no book can cover everything. That's why we've included a list of resources at the back. There you'll find a bunch of websites and phone numbers that can help you get the answers you need.

This book is an example of what can happen when young men are honest, free to be themselves, and given the opportunity to share their experiences and ideas. Our hope is that you will use this book to help you make informed decisions, to think about your own experiences, and to share more honestly with other guys so they can also become healthy men, balanced boyfriends, and excellent fathers. No book can tell you who you are, but we hope this book helps you find your own comfortable definition of what it means to be a man.

Happy reading!

Marlon Merraro, Manager, Youth Services St. Stephen's Community House