Musings Of A Modern Muslimah

The Theatres

Hello people!

So this week I was fortunate enough to go to the movies twice! (Yaay for me!). The first time I went was to watch Catching Fire; the second installment of the Hunger Games which was a fantastic movie (much better then the first one) but I had to turn away a whole bunch of times (kissing….jeez people!). The second time I went was to watch the second movie for the Hobbit and since I’m such a big Lord Of The Rings fan I absolutely loved it (WOOT!). Anyways, so on both occasions I remembered what is was that made me hate going to the theatres. I mean its not just the ridiculously priced food (there’s a reason I bring a huge bag in … for my secret stash ;) or the extremely loud speakers (they literally scare the beejeez outta me) nope its something else all together. Now I ultimately would opt to watch movies at home. I mean I just throw my hijab off, stretch out in my jammies and pause whenever I have to use the bathroom.  “So Asiyah, why do you hate the theatres?” Well simple: It’s because the audience that I’m forced to sit with.  Now a while back I had a chance to look through the “Haters Gonna Hate” rant on the theatres (let me just say I was applauding throughout the whole thing) and I decided to put my own two cents in. So this is my personal annoyance list when it comes to watching a movie in theatres.

#1: When It’s Crowded

So when I watched the Hobbit on Friday, my brother and me came like 5 minutes late. I didn’t really think much of it because we were watching it in the morning (11:20 to be precise) and my thought was “Who comes to the theatres so early” (I specifically requested that time because I knew it wouldn’t be like jam packed). So anyways, we walk in and guess what? The whole theatre is jam-packed. We ended up having to sit in like the first row before the, what I like to call, killer seats (because you have to lift you’re neck to see the screen which hurts!). I get it, theatres get packed but what frustrated me the most was that this group of people came together yet sat away from each other leaving like one seat in between them. Like jeeeez if you’re going to come to the movies as a group, then for gosh sakes sit together! Please!

#2: The Person Who Always Calls Out Something

I absolutely hate this. This happened both on Friday and several other occasions when I go to the theatres. When you’re in a crowded theatre there is always that one person that feels obligated to yell out what they’re thinking. Guess what person? I really don’t care!

“Oh my god, Bilbo must be thinking “whaaaat? right now"

Really? I couldn’t tell, please keep it to your self next time? Thank you :D What irks me the most is when the call out something that’s completely irrelevant. Like for example “Oh my god, The sky is like so blue!” Really? REALLY? Did you need to say that now? I need to hold up a sign next time like “Shut you’re trap and be respectful! Yours truly, an annoyed person!”

#3: The One Who Doesn’t Know What’s Going On

Okay so here’s my firm belief, if you’re going to watch a movie that’s part of a series, please for god sakes watch the first one. On Friday (I swear everything that I hated happened on Friday) you finally see the dragon (Smaug). So guessing that the girl behind me did not watch the first one, she decides to whisper to her friend “Why would he be there if there’s a dragon? He should’ve ran”. You would have known that if you watched the first one. What makes me even angrier is when they don’t even know who the MAIN character is! “Who’s the chick with the black hair and the bow?” Katniss Everdeen, the main character, the story revolves around her, please leave.

#4: That One Couple

Thankfully this did not happen when I went to the theatre this week but I always see when I’m watching a comedy. If you’ve already read my musing on “Love and Dating” you know exactly how I feel on PDA (completely against it). So a boy wants to put his arm around his girlfriend: acceptable. Or their holding hands: also fine. When it gets to the point their eating each other’s faces, I want to chuck a shoe or something. Like jeez guy’s control you’re hormones for 2 hours or whatever and just watch a movie. If you wanted a make out session, then go home behind closed doors away from my beautiful eyes.  Would be muchly appreciated!

#5: “Excuse me, pardon me, coming through!”

Oh gosh the amount of times this had happened. So you’re in a packed movie theatre and you’re watching when suddenly this person in you’re row gets up to use the bathroom. You move over so they can pass through. Wait a bit and then they come back, move over again. Suddenly that SAME person needs to use the bathroom again! You move over, wait a bit, and move over again. Then, that SAME PERSON (yes I’m completely serious) decided that they need popcorn. So they go out and come back with their popcorn squeezing past you and spilling a bit on you. Then they forget their drink! When they were coming back, my feet were up on the chair so I would'nt have to do the whole “move over” thing again. It was absolutely irritating. It even happened again on that same day when this one lady went to the bathroom twice and kicked my chair (I mean KICKED my chair) when they were coming back. You know what’s hilarious? If they apologized I would’ve been like “Hey no problem! Don’t worry about it!”. It’s the fact that they didn’t that I was like >:( (They shall rue the day! .. just kidding :D)

#6: The Muncher

I always eat in theatres no duh. I don’t mind when people eat. It’s when they decide to unwrap something during the most quite scene that annoys me. So during Catching Fire there’s this once scene where Katniss whispers very quietly (even for theatre standards). This one dude decided that this would be the perfect opportunity to open their bag of Doritos right? Yes sure go ahead dude! I just won't here a word of what they said! No problem! JOKING BIG BROBLEM not even problem, BROBLEM!

#7: Choose you’re friends wisely

What bugs me more than someone you don’t know misbehaving is someone you do know who acts like a crazy person.  When I had to go out with my cousins I was somewhat suspecting some crazy behavior would happen and sadly I was right. I sat there ducking my head to avoid the glares in my direction. If you have a suspicion that you’re friends are going to act a certain way, don’t bring them. Why? To make other people happy and also to avoid those icy glares.

#8: The one with the cell phone

Okay I absolutely hate cell phones in general. Why? Because they destroy forms of physical communication. I always see people sitting next to one another texting. Like why are you together if you’re just going to text. People don’t even call anymore! It’s all text! Anyways! Before the movie even starts it says “Please turn off you’re phones”. So you’re first thought is “okay I’ll turn off my phone”. In the middle of the hobbit movie, a cell phone blasts “Single Ladies” by Beyoncé and the person doesn’t even bother answering it. Like jeez it already rang! So pick up! Are you embarrassed or what! You know what’s even funnier? They turned their phone off after the 4th call.

And finally number 9 (and probably the most irritating)

#9: The Non-Stop Talkers

… If you’re at a movie be quite. Always (and I mean always) there’s that one group of girls that feel the need to gossip throughout the ENTIRE movie.

“Okay so like my boyfriend loved the Christmas present I got for him”.

Like do you feel the need to say that now in the middle of a movie? Why cant it wait! Like jeez like I said earlier! If you know your friends might talk, don’t bring them! Simple (this includes talking on the phone which clashes both of my ultimate pet peeves!)

 All I’m saying to you all is please, if you’re going to watch a movie, please try and be respectful. Like just imagine if someone decided to irk you’re nerves when you’re watching a movie. I mean I won’t lie, I enjoyed my time at the theatres (cause the movies where good) but if only audiences could understand that “Hey were in public, let's be respectful to the other viewers watching this movie!” If that happened I would always go to the theatres!