Musings Of A Modern Muslimah

Love And Dating

Ahh romance, how sweet society makes it seem! The boy falls ever so desperately in love with the girl and  then bombards her with heaping loads of flowers and chocolates. He swears to himself that he will never love another and proposes oh so dramatically. Or maybe a knight in shinning armor comes riding on his horse to save the poor maiden in her home. He then valiantly smites her troubles away and claims her hand for his own!.....okay I’m sorry I can’t write this without laughing; it's just to ridiculous xD

Can you believe though that people actually have these kinds of expectations?

“He has to propose to me romantically or ill say no”

‘He should always open the door for me and pull my chair, ALWAYS”

“She should know how to cook …and very well”

“She should always look good when were together, ALWAYS”

Kay well if that’s what real love is then count me OUT!

So yesterday I was watching Frozen (which by the way was dreadful, apologies to those who loved it but I hated it) and (SPOILER ALERT) she claims to be in love with this random dude that she met like 5 seconds ago, literally. So it got me thinking, what do people think love is? How do you know you’re in love or not? And then I went on wattpad and saw a comment on Muslim dating (pfft excuse me while I laugh my head off) and so I thought I should mix the two together. Lets start with my interpretation of love.

So love comes in several forms. It’s not just the mushy gushy romance garbage (cause seriously some are just ridiculous) that’s spewed through the media, but love with family, friends, pets, nature, inanimate objects (which I’ve seen before which is kind of creepy I know, but oh well) and other things! So if there’s all this kind of love out there, why are we so focused on that only romantic love? Maybe its because

a) The media (blast you and you’re terrible chick flicks)

 b) We have this fascination of being loved by only one person…or so I think you all do

There are probably several more reasons out there but these two just randomly popped into my head soo :P

Anyways, to my next question: How do you even know if you’re in love

Some people say “you feeeeeeel it” and I give them this bewildered like but how do you feel it? Like is it a feeling like when you smell chocolate chip cookies or freshly baked bread (because oh my that’s heavenly) or what? I’m so confused! Others give me this ridiculous notion of “love at first sight”. I shake my head at these simpletons.

Love is not at first sight that’s more “attraction at first sight”. This isn’t a movie people. People also give me this garbage of “you feel it when you kiss them”. I think that’s another load of baloney that falls into the category of “love at first physical touch”. This also may be really off topic but I have to say this, am I the only person bugged by excessive PDA? Like seriously! For god sakes, I hate the couples that feel they NEED to make out on a park bench in the middle of a busy playground. I find that the couples that do that feel the need to show the world just how strong their love is (which is kind of sad). Like you guys can go hold hands and give each other that sweet googly eyes look, but please don’t make me lose my appetite! Fell of topic for a bit but back to my point on love!

To be honest I, like every single person in the world (who’s sane or, I don’t' know, okay in the membrane :D) want to find that one person Inshallah, but it feels so weird because of all these divorce stories and fights and blablablabla (like beeejeeez people) I end up thinking after hearing that “peh love, schmove, who needs that garbage” and then I see that one old couple strolling down the park hand in hand or going to watch a movie together and my heart just melts (call me a sucker but those people make me want to cry “HOW DID YOU DO IT!”).  So basically what I think is that love (the romantic kind) takes awhile to grow. I know some people claim to be in love when they’re going out with each other, or whatever nonsense, but I always think, “okay but you don’t see what he or she does when you’re away”. What I mean by this is, what happens if you, say, hate it (ABSOLUTELY HATE IT) when a guy doesn’t clean up after himself (and refuses to do so).  You’ve gone out with him for years and “love” him but this one pet peeve really ticks you off. What’s funny is that this actually happens like all the time.

People date for years, find out things they didn’t know about their gf or bf then they fight. So to add to my interpretation of love, love means you know the person from the outside in (which would require some seeeeerious time). Love takes time so let me get started on this whole “Muslim dating” topic (it still irks me that I have to write the two together xD).

Okay lads and lassies that believe dating is halal here’s a question. When you’re dating do you ever touch? Holding hands, hugs etc. If you said yes, you’re answer is right there. Physical contact between male and female is haram. Another thing for the sisters as well why do we wear the hijab? To protect ourselves from the opposite gender. Why do we lower our gaze? For that same reason. I don’t think couples that date abstain from gawking or looking at each other (at least not the ones I’ve seen, their always ogling at one another). So unless you’re terms of “dating” means “you stand in that corner and I’ll stand in this corner and we wont look, touch, ” theeen its haram. So please brothers and sisters stop doing it.

If you have before, I’m not judging you, if you have repented and regret that sin than Alhamdulillah for you and may Allah grant you a happy and healthy life in this dunya and the next. What really upsets me is when the Muslims that choose to date and KNOW its haram, yet use the Quran (or something they made up then say its in the Quran) to claim its halal. IT’S SO ANNOYING! Like you KNOW its bad YOU KNOW! Yet he or she will chat you’re ear off so you can stop bugging them. So here are some of the things I’ve heard from Muslims for will fight you to make you believe that dating is halal (and my responses):

“They only did that in the time of the sahaba’s, its halal now” (is it not encouraged for us to be like these sahaba’s and follow in their example?)

“Everyone does it” (……………May Allah help you see sense Inshallah)

“It’s okay because we’ll get married” (you have committed sin before this marriage and shaytaan has blessed this marriage which will ultimately lead to failure!)

“I have my parents permission” (then may Allah help you’re parents see sense Inshallah)

“Everyone thinks it and is tempted so why are you acting so piously when you think about it all the times” (there is a difference between thinking it and acting upon it and Subhanallah I’d rather be blessed with the union of marriage than dating)

 Another thing also (to add to my “dating is haram” theme), dating leads to another sin (which is said to be a man’s weakness). I’d also like to point out to those who believe themselves to be alone when they are with their girlfriend or boyfriend, guess what? You’re not. Shaytaan is there with you, giving you suggestions and trying to get you away from Allah. Now why would a Muslim want this? Subhanallah the call of shaytaan is dreadful in itself, why we would ever want his company! May Allah protect us from the whispers of shaytaan. Besides, to the Muslims who are still teenagers do you understand that its not love that you’re feeling! It’s the raging hormones! I feel so sad for the teens that believe to be in love then regret it afterwards (ill add that to “the worst possible feeling ever” list). So in summary dear brothers and sisters wait for love. I’ve seen so many marriages that have prospered without needing to date. You might tell me “Asiyah divorce rates are so high! You have to get to know the person first before you marry them!” and you do get to know them. How? When you talk with them with a mahram present. It should be easy because what you’ll be talking about is halal, so what’s the harm in you’re brother, dad, or uncle hearing you’re conversation? Besides, instead of thinking of the divorce rates think of the success stories. Think of the Muslim couples that stroll along with happy smiles on their faces because they were blessed with a good marriage. May Allah make it easier for us to find our potential spouses and guide us towards the proper (and halal) way of “Muslim dating”.