Trigger Warning: Self harm/Suicide, read at your own risk!
(After School)
"Tyler?" I looked up after picking bits of rubber off of my red Converse, dirtied from running in them so much. Running from nothing and everything all at the same time.
"Yeah?" He perked up from his current position sitting against the wall.
"Do you, um, sorry, nevermind." I continued picking at the rubber on my shoes.
Do it. Ask him if he loves you. He doesn't, and he never will.
Get the fuck out of my head! I buried my face in my hands, and unintentionally started pulling my hair.
I felt Tyler put his arm around me. I leaned my head into his shoulder, sobbing like a newborn baby.
"Babe," Tyler tilted my chin up toward him. "Don't listen to the voices. I get them too." A tear drop ran down his cheek.
"Do you want to go penny boarding? It'll help take your mind off things." I nodded, sniffling and wiping my red, puffy eyes.
I picked up my almost pastel-goth looking penny board, and Tyler had his skate board.
-
We were on a small path right next to the trains tracks. It was peaceful and secluded, with the occasional bicycle.
A train approached, and Tyler was smart enough to hold my hand so that neither of us were tempted to jump in front of it.
-
We made our way back to Tyler's house by sunset, realizing that we would miss dinner if we didn't head back. I wouldn't have been bothered if we missed dinner, I wasn't hungry.
The sudden rush of sadness and regret came back, taking over my body and mind completely.
"Hey Tyler, can I borrow a piece of paper and something to write with?" He nodded and handed me the things I needed.
I wanted to slip away, leave everything behind. I no longer wanted to be consumed by my own sick, twisted thoughts. I loved Tyler, but how could I know for sure that he loved me back?
I walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I searched through all the cabinets and drawers, searching for Tyler's blades. I knew they had to be here somewhere.
And there they were, sitting right in front of me, calling my name. I needed to be touched by it's icy edge. Before I started my dangerous task, I wrote down everything that I could.
Dear Tyler,
Please do not be alarmed. I was enveloped by my own dark thoughts. Those voices we talked about earlier, they invaded my brain and I couldn't get them out. Goodbye, I love you. I hope you love me too.
Love,
Ashley
I picked up the blade that I found in the medicine cabinet. Surely, if I went deep enough, maybe even went down the road instead of across, it would go by faster.
I began, and didn't give up until I actually realized what I was doing. Tyler was banging on the door, screaming my name, bringing me back to reality. What was I doing? I set the blade down, taking a look at the sight of my arms.
"Ashley, what are you doing? Open the door, please!"
I crawled to the door, faint from blood loss, and unlocked the door before falling back down.
"No, no, no. Ashley, stay with me, please don't leave me!" He picked me up bridal style, running down the steps.
"Zack, hurry up and drive us to the hospital, we need to hurry." Tyler said. He took off his shirt, wrapping it around the places where I had cut. He placed me in Zack's car, and he hopped in next to me in the back, waiting for Zack.
"Zack, hurry up! I don't want to lose her!" He hung his head down, sobbing. The last thing I heard was "I love you so much, don't go. Please." Everything around me went black.
~
