August (Part Two)

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"There you go." I say to Erin after changing her nappy and I lay her down on her play mat. "Look how sweet you are." I smile down at her, tapping her small button nose. Ever since I started taking the antidepressants, I have been feeling better. I want to look after Erin more and go outside with her and see my friends. The things I didn't feel like doing before. I still have days where I would rather lock myself in my room and not speak to anyone but that is to be expected. I have only been taking the pills for a few weeks.

I am feeling more nervous today because tomorrow I get my exam results. When I took the exams, I felt quite confident about how they went but now when I think back I'm sure I made some huge mistakes. I'd rather not know what I have got. So far I have been able to push it from my mind because I have been so focused on preparing for the baby, then having the baby, then suffering from postnatal depression; the exam results have barely crossed my mind.

"What time do you need to be at school for tomorrow?" My mum asks at dinner.

"Who knows, I'm not going." I tell her.

"Wait, what do you mean you're not going?" Cory asks me.

"It's pretty simple, I'm not going."

"Why though?"

"I'll still get my results even if I don't go because they'll come through the post. I also don't want to see the people I don't like, which is just about everyone. What's the point in going and having people ask me how my summer has been when they don't care and they can probably answer the question themselves?" I tell them.

"You're going. You need to find out how your classes are going to work for when September arrives," my mum says to me which leads to me rolling my eyes at her.

"I'll find out the first day of school, like everyone else. Having a baby doesn't change that." I try and tell her.

"It does. Do you honestly believe that you'll be able to go to school normally, attend for five full days a week? Because that isn't going to happen. First of all there is childcare to think about and also the fact that Erin won't even be two months old. She still needs her mother. It needs sorting out sooner rather than later." She snaps at me.

"I'll think about it. Just give me time." I say to both of them.

The next morning I wake up and change my mind about twenty times about going and getting my results. At first it seems like a good idea but then I start to think about how I've probably failed everything. Then Cory persuades me to go until I think about the faces of people I don't want to see.

"Pass me the baby. I'll look after her if you go." My mum says to me and it is in that moment I decide to go. Before I have chance to back out again I am being rushed out of the door.

When we get to school there are signs all over telling us where to go to get our results. My stomach is wriggling with nerves to see what I have got. I walk into the main hall to see that a lot of people are already here, including some of the younger students who took some of their exams early. Luckily for them, if they have failed they still get a second chance.

There are tables all around the hall with a letter on each. I walk over to the table with the letter M on it, knowing that's where my results will be.

"Mason, here you go." One of the teachers hands me an envelope and I walk back over to Cory and spot Maddie at another table. We walk over towards her before opening our envelopes.

"I would say shall we wait for the other two to come but we would probably be waiting all day." She jokes but her voice is full of nerves. I just nod at her ad we open the envelopes.

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