Suicide Attempt • Larry Stylinson

• Chapter 05 •

Days passed and Louis eventually got to leave the hospital. The doctors and nurses were really sceptical about it though, telling him things like 'Louis, you're going through a depression and it would be healthy for you to stay at a rehab for some weeks, to you know, pull yourself together.' But he couldn't just 'pull himself together' because; it wasn't that easy. Sure, he knew very well that he was ought to go to the rehab place but that wasn't an option for him. He would miss school - end up with bad grades - and people at school would be questioning him about where he'd been and such. He couldn't let that happen.

He wasn't sure about Harry, what had he done when he saw the video? Had he already told everyone at school about it? About Louis 'stupid little crush' on him or the fact that he's some 'cutting freak'?

Louis hoped with all his heart that Harry hadn't told anyone. He really did.

So there he was, in his mother Jay's car on his way home. There was no denial that it had been a very emotional time for her. The thought of her own son trying to kill himself was just terrifying. She had stayed at the hospital twenty four seven to check on him, poor Jay had thought it was all her fault that Louis tried to kill himself. A bit was though, but Louis didn't tell her that since it would just make her more scared and protective. Louis didn't want that, he didn't want pity or such. They had never cared before so why would they now? Louis believed they were just curious and didn't want the blame on their shoulders if Louis was to attempt suicide - again.

Louis took advantage of the silent car ride to enjoy the rainy weather. Yes you heard right, enjoy.

Louis had always had a certain spot for rain, it was just something soothing and relaxing about it. He often sat in his room, on a chair by the window and looked outside. Speculating about every single raindrop, the fascinating way of how they're are built and such.

Rain and music were probably the only things that could relax and calm Louis. Just the sound of raindrops almost made his knee go weak. Louis would be lying if he didn't say he was amazed by rain.

Suddenly he woke up from his daydreaming when Jay started talking to him.

''Honey, you know I love you right? I've just been very busy with work and such lately,'' Jay said and smiled politely at Louis. It was just an excuse, Louis knew it.

''Yeah, yeah, whatever," he answered back nonchalantly. All these 'I love you' and 'I care about you' were just meaningless shit, Louis thought.

Jay wrinkled her nose and then sighed. ''Sweetheart, we're going to make up for all the time we've lost together, okay?'' She said and Louis couldn't do other than snort in response.

''Why do you care now?'' He asked, ''You have never cared before, so why now? The fact that I'm suicidal doesn't change anything.''

''Oh Boo Bear it does change a lot of things,'' she said while looking at the road. ''I've never thought that you hated your life so much you'd actually consider suicide, in fact, I didn't even think you hated your life. You should have come to me and talked with me instead of doing something so irresponsible as trying to attempt suicide," she finished.

Louis snorted again, was this woman being serious? He was angry by now, he didn't even realise what came out of his mouth until it was out.

''YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT LADY. I'VE BEEN SUICIDAL FOR YEARS NOW. SHUT UP BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO TELL ME THAT WAS IRRESPONSIBLE,'' Louis was full out screaming by now, this wasn't fair. ''I'VE BEEN WANTING THIS FOR MONTHS NOW AND WHEN I FINALLY FOUND MYSELF DOING IT IT DIDN'T WORK.'' Tears were running down his face by now. Life didn't treat him right.

Louis took in a sharp breath and continued, ''DO YOU KNOW HOW ANGRY AND SCARED I WAS WHEN I WOKE UP IN A BED KNOWING THAT PEOPLE NOW KNOW ABOUT MY SECRETS THAT I'VE BEEN HIDING FOR MONTHS? DO YOU KNOW HOW BAD I WANTED SOMEONE TO JUST SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD RIGHT THERE? NO, YOU DON'T KNOW. BECAUSE YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE. JUST SHUT UP AND DON'T TALK TO ME, AND DON'T. YOU. DARE. CALL ME MY NICKNAMES YOU GAVE ME WHEN I WAS FIVE. I'M NOT YOUR BLOODY BABY ANYMORE.''Louis cried out, his t-shirt wet from all the crying.

Jay was breathless, she didn't know how to respond to that. She had never in a million years thought of her son like that. Louis was a charming, cute, funny, and spontaneous boy, right?

Wrong.