Suicide Attempt • Larry Stylinson

• Chapter 04 (Part 1) •

White, white, white. White lights were surrounding Louis wherever he looked. It felt good. It felt more than good actually. He couldn't feel any stress or problems. It was just him, the white lights and a peaceful smell.

Louis wasn't sure if this was heaven because well, shouldn't it be more people here? People died everyday so it wouldn't be logical if there was only him there, right?

Louis started walking forwards. He wasn't sure where he was going but exploring was always better than doing nothing, he thought.

''Please!'' Someone begged with a voice barely a whisper. Wait, who said that?

''Hello?'' Louis said shyly.

No answer could be heard. He shrugged if off and continued walking.

After waking around for about one hour the emptiness started to get to him. This wasn't how he thought heaven would be. Where's Liam?

Liam should be here with millions of other people, or, that was how he expected heaven to be.

Wait, what if he wasn't in heaven? What if he came to hell instead because he was too worthless and ugly for heaven.

Or maybe he's alone because no one wants to see him? Maybe he's alone because he's hated in heaven too? What if the heaven didn't want fags here?

Louis laid himself down on what seemed to be the ground, he wasn't sure though. It could have been a floor or maybe even a cloud.

Yes, what if he came to the wrong cloud? A cloud where only he was on and everyone else was merged on another more beautiful and life fuller cloud.

A cloud where kids were running around, playing with their toys. Their parents watching them from the balcony with a big cup of tea in their hands. Smiling because they're happy. Happy to all be united again.

Sometimes death is better than living, which it was for Louis, but this wasn't what he had hoped for.

He felt more lonely here than he has ever felt while walking around on earth.

The silence was scary and it didn't feel good at all. Sure, his problems was gone but this was just boring. He had never in a million years thought that maybe after all, life on earth was better than here.

Maybe Louis wasn't even dead? Maybe he was just asleep and this was all just a dream.

Louis thought to give it a try and stood himself up. He started jumping, screaming and pinching himself but nothing worked.

This was hopeless. It wouldn't work. He was dead. He was lonely again. He was unhappy. He wanted this to be a new start. A new life.

Louis however wasn't sure if he wanted to go back to living again, as much boring and scary it was up here, he hated living more.

Maybe if he got another chance to live again, he would kill himself in a better way. Maybe shooting himself in the head would have been a better idea? Maybe sleeping pills couldn't kill you entirely and he was in some sort of half way stop to heaven?

Maybe he just needed to kill himself again here on the half way stop to come all the way up to heaven? Maybe killing himself on earth was just step 1 in the process to enter heaven. Maybe he was being punished for all the bad things he had done in life and he needed to sort those things out to continue his trip to heaven?

''Ugh," Louis groaned and punched the ground.

''Why am I here? This isn't what I thought heaven would be like," Louis half screamed.

''I'm sorry.'' There it was, that voice again. That whisper.

''Who are you?'' Louis screamed.

''Show yourself!'' He commanded.

Nothing happened and he sighed. This emptiness was starting to get to him.