Be My Juliet [on hold]

Chapter 40: Broken Wings

"Do you think they're okay?" I ask Jess, checking my phone to see how long they've been talking to James for.  It's been almost fifteen minutes, which makes me nervous that something else is going on.  I know how Dan got last time the two had a 'little chat' - he ended up bruised and in tons of pain.  "Maybe we should check on them..."

"Oh, I'm sure they're fine," Jess tries to console me.  "I'm sure they're fine.  What's the worst that could happen?"

"Well, actually..." I start, trailing off as thoughts of everything that theoretically could go wrong run through my head.  Each one gets more and more worrying, transitioning from cuts and scraps to massive concussions.  

"Hey," Jess looks at me intently, making sure she has my attention.  "They're okay.  They'll be back soon."  She places her hand delicately on my knee, squeezing it as a sign of comforting me.

"Alright." I sigh.  "If you say so."  With that, we drop the subject, going instead to talk more about James and Jess.  "Why do you think you loved him?"

"I know I did.  Why do you think you love Dan?" she retorts, getting a little upset with me for diminishing her feelings.

"That's not what I mean.  Why specifically James?  Why not anyone else?"

"Well, I guess it was because of how he made me feel."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm pathetic, aren't I?" She tears up, not able to contain herself as she thinks more about him.  "Who am I kidding, he treated me horribly!"

"I don't even want to imagine..." I exhale, going back to drawing circles on her back.  

"But there were times he was nice."

"What do you mean?"

"Sometimes, I felt like he cared about me.  And those moments were some of the happiest I've had in a long time."

"Maybe you didn't love him."  I tell her.  She stands up, huffing and obviously upset that I said it.  "Let me explain..." I tell her as she starts walking into a different room.  "Maybe you didn't love him, but the idea of him."

"Thank you Dr. McIntire," she says teasingly.  "Why don't you psychoanalyze me now?"

"Maybe you loved the way he made you feel." I cut her off.  "Maybe you loved the experience of him, not the person himself." With that she stops walking away from me, turning instead to face me with her arms crossed.  "I asked you 'why him' and you couldn't give me an answer.  Maybe you just liked the feeling of being wanted.  And thought of.  And cared for.  I know how great it feels, and I've done the same thing.  Remember Will?" I ask her, reminding her of my middle school boyfriend that I ended up not really liking but loving the affection he gave me.

"Oh yeah..." she laughs, remembering all our talks about him.  "I guess I know what you mean."

"So don't blame yourself for loving James.  Don't tell yourself you loved him.  You didn't.  You loved he way he made you feel, which is totally understandable."  Unexpectedly, she grabs me in a tight hug, swaying back and forth slowly.

"You're the best." she whispers, making me smile lightly.

"CAN I GET SOME HELP HERE?!" I hear Dan scream from the doorstep.  Jess and I immediately separate from each other, looking at each other for a second before rushing to the door.  It's wide open, and I see Dan carrying Phil's lifeless body in his arms.  "Please help."

"Jess, call 999.  Now."  She goes off into another room to get away from the chaos, her phone raised to her ear.

"Let's not bring him up the stairs." I muse, thinking it'd be best to stay here for when the ambulance gets here.