As Fortune Would Have It ✔

{Chapter 30}

Two weeks had passed since I broke up with Jake. Or rather, was forced to break up with Jake. Because I didn't really want to. But I didn't really have a choice either. It was either break up and have a roof over my head or stay together and become homeless. So, due to what could've turned out to be a life or death situation, I picked Choice A. Even if it wasn't what I wanted.

Pre-Jake, I thought this entire year would've turned out different. Andy and I would've had our annual pizza get-togethers, Addie and I would've gossiped about people at our school that we couldn't stand and about guys we thought were cute, and I would be covering my ears to avoid hearing anything that might revolve Ryder Earrings because I was allergic to stuck-up pop stars. That isn't what fate planned out. Or what reality planned out either.

Reality had it that Andy and I wouldn't be on speaking terms, or glancing terms either. I stayed out of his way and he stayed out of mine. Addie was pissed about me hurting Andy, although I honestly couldn't see how I did that, and my confidant was the person I hated a few months ago, who only recently had I just grown to accept wholeheartedly.

Funny, huh?

I had no idea what to do about the mess in my life, just that I knew that something needed to be done.

Which was why I was sitting next to Jake at the lunch table, ready to state my piece.

"What is it, Hallie?" Jake wasn't looking at me. And I didn't know why.

"I know you're upset. Believe me, I do. Because I want to be with you just as much as you want to be with me. You have no idea how hard this is for me, Jake. You really don't. I've dreamed about having a future with you ever since we first started talking. I really like you, Jake. A lot. I just wish we didn't have to be so distant, you know? You can look at me. You don't have to act like I'm a disease. You know that, right?"

He suddenly snapped his up to me and nodded. No words. Nothing. What was going on?

I swallowed. "Um, the real reason I brought you here was to discuss the bonfire thing tonight. I was wondering if you'd still want to go together, even since we're, um, you know, not."

"I don't think so."

"Wait, what?"

"I don't think we should go together, Hallie."

"Why?"

"I mean, your mom already doesn't want us dating, so I seriously doubt she'd want us going to a bonfire together. It's just not a good idea."

"But-" My lip quivered. "But I want to be with you."

"You think I don't know that? Or want that? Hallie, I do. But, it- it just can't happen. I'm not going to go against your Mom's wishes. I can't do that. Plus, you're still housebound, so nothing can happen anyways."

He stood up, and I knew that if I didn't say something, he was going to go. And I wouldn't be able to stop him from doing that. He was going to leave me.

"Jake, wait. Don't go. Stay, please. Don't go."

He didn't even look at me, just nodded in my general direction. "I'm sorry, Hallie, but I've got to go now."

Then he left, and I was alone at the table. Tears welled in my eyes and this time I didn't stop them. I cried, the sadness and loss dripping from my eyes and onto the table, leaving a blob of wetness.

I had the feeling I was being watched and raised my eyes. Andy and Addie sat a table a little bit a ways from me, both looking at me with something in their eyes that I've seen far too much. Pity.

And I didn't want it.

I pushed myself away from the table, away from them, away from everyone and headed away to god knows where, just because I wanted to be alone. To be away, free from judgement and pity. Because that was one less thing that I wanted to deal with in my life.

~*******~

I sat down across from Ryder at the kitchen table. "You know, you can go, right? You don't have to stay and feel sorry for me. That's not what I want you to do."

Ryder gave me a half smile and shrugged. "But I want to stay. It's not like everyone's going, anyway."

Lisa scoffed. "Not true. I'M going. I'm someone, and besides, almost everyone in the middle school and Hallie's high school's gonna be there. You might as well face it, Hallie. You're a nobody."

"Well, isn't that nice." I pouted.

Ryder put a hand on my arm. "Don't worry, Hallie. I'm a nobody, too."

Lisa laughed. "No, not really. You're world famous, she's just Hallie."

Again. Lisa, really? God.

Ryder shot Lisa a glare and she swallowed. "So, um, Ryder, can you bring me to the bonfire? Since, you know, Hallie can't drive?"

Ryder sighed. "Sure thing, Lisa. Just let me call Jake. He's gonna come get us."

He walked over to the house phone and dialed, waiting. "Hey, Jake. Yeah, Lisa's waiting for you to come get her. No, I'm not. I'm not coming. Why? Because I'm gonna stay with Hallie. Why? Um, maybe because she's housebound?"

He rolled his eyes and chuckled at something Jake said on the other side. "No, no, we don't want you coming. Just go to the bonfire, man. We'll be fine. Uh huh. Uh huh. Okay. So tell Lisa you'll be waiting outside? Can do. Alright. Bye."

He turned to Lisa. "Jake'll be here in fifteen minutes."

Lisa squealed and broke into her happy dance. "YAY!! OMG, I'm SO excited!!" She jumped around the room with a grin and then Ryder shook his head at her.

"Lisa, you're so funny."

Glad I wasn't the only one who thought so. Except for me it was more her face. But, you know, whatever.

Eventually, a horn honked outside and Lisa stopped dancing and rushed outside, hollering a quick bye just as the door slammed shut.

Ryder turned to me and smiled. I smiled back. "Um, I hope you don't mind, but I should REALLY go shower."

He nodded. "Go right ahead. I'll be waiting downstairs for you whenever you're done."

I went to my bedroom and grabbed my stuff, hitting the shower. I stayed in the bathroom for a total of thirty minutes, just trying to get myself relaxed and be able to ignore my soap opera for a minute. After I finished, I entered the living room, hair sopping wet and a delicious aroma filled my senses.

Ryder wore a smug smile and held a pepperoni pizza in his hands. "How about pizza and a movie?"

At that one statement, I burst into tears. It reminded me so much of Andy that I couldn't take it.

Ryder's face fell. "Hallie? What's wrong?"

I sniffled, wiping my eyes. "It's, it's Andy. I miss Andy."

Ryder put the pizza down on the table and embraced me in a hug and I breathed in his scent, which reminded me of an Autumn breeze. So nice. "I think you should call him. Life's too short to just let things like this ruin friendships, Hallie. Especially life-long friendships."

I nodded against his chest. "You're right," I mumbled.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

I laughed, shoving him away from me. "I said, you're right. I'm going to call him." I pulled back and gave Ryder the biggest grin I could conquer. "You're a good friend, Ryder."

And as I walked to the phone, I swore I heard him whisper, "I wish we were more."

But I was most likely hearing things.