“Invy please” nick begged…again…and again.
I sat on top of my bed with the curtains drawn and the blinds down. After my freak out with the cutting they safety proofed my room while I was in the hospital for loss of blood.
I feel like a prisoner in my own home. Damn them!
They took everything sharp from my room. They took anything that I can hurt myself with. That includes my wooden dresser replaced with a plastic one that I can’t break. My bed was replaced with an air mistress.
They barred my window. (I don’t know why because I wouldn’t jump out.) They changed my glass windows with bullet proof windows. They put carping in my bathroom so I won’t hurt myself on the stupid tiles. And put a timer on the water so I won’t drown myself in my bathroom. They also took my mirror and replaced it with a shinny material so it works like a mirror.
I’ve been on house arrest for 3 days and I refuse to eat. Hey didn’t think about that, did they?
So they’ve been at my door every hour to try to get me to eat because I’m still healing and I have to eat to keep my blood pleasure from dropping too much. But I’m not eating and I can die so they will hurt but on the bad side I’m weak as hell. The most I can do is sit up and walk the 10 feet to my bathroom and back. With a lot of struggling might I add?
Wondering why don’t they just don’t bust in here and force the food down my throat….well, one the doors lock and I only have the key. Two, I threaten that if they try to kick the door down or try to force me to do anything I will kill myself.
How? Well I had this knife secretly stashed in my room and the first time they tried to force me to eat after David had found where mom hid the extra key to my room and I put it up to my throat and threatened to kill myself if they ever try to do that again. They tried to reason with me but I just pressed down harder until I had cut through my skin and blood was dripping down my neck. They panicked and I watched as they slowly walked out of my room. David ran out and got mom.
I hid the knife again when mom came in with a ghostly expression on her face. Once she saw the blood she started to tear up and ran to me. I know that I was supposed to feel guilty but I only felt pain and as mom wrapped my cut she started humming a song that she used to sing to me when I was little. I followed the lyrics in my head. It was girls just wanna have fun by Cyndi Lauper. She always said that boys just didn’t understand girls, so don’t try to let them figure you out….Unless you want them to.
I didn’t know I had tears in my eyes until she whipped them away. I saw the way she looked at me as she walked out the room.
“I’m sorry” I whispered into the darkness as I silently cried.
Mom hasn’t come to see me after that but I see her shadow stop at my room many times.
“Please invy…please eat something.” Nick begged snapping me out of my flashback. “Please.”
I sighed and swung my legs over the “bed” and slowly walked to the door. I pulled the key out of my pants pocket and unlocked the door. It slowly crept open. In front of my stood a weary looking Nick.
