Famous? Just a little.

16 Waiting

We were back home. Amy was pacing around the flat with a lot of different emotions breaking out of her. She was angry, of them first, then of us, in between she was full of hope and said if the really liked us they would forgive us, later she was just desperate and in the end she cried.

I just sat there, quietly looking out of the window. I tried to write but the pages remained empty, it seemed like even the words had left me. It was terrible to think of the look in Colin's eyes. What hurt most was that he probably thought I lied about everything between us. And that my idea had destroyed not only my own happiness - but the ones of three other people.

At that point I knew what to do. I took my phone to write a message.

Colin, I know you don't want to see me right now. I ask you to meet me once more though. I need to give you something. It's important. I will wait at the lamppost. Please come.
Love,
June

Amy was so exhausted that she had fallen asleep on the sofa and didn't notice I was leaving the flat. I walked all the way to the place where I hoped to see him. I was afraid he wouldn't be coming. He hadn't replied to my message; I didn't even know whether he read it.

He wasn't there, but I didn't have to wait long. My heart beat faster when I saw him walking towards me. I didn't deserve it, but he had come.

We just looked at each other some moments in silence.

The light of the lamppost was falling on him but there was no spark in his eyes. They were so cold and distanced, like ice, so different from the ones I knew. Then his face suddenly softened a bit and he took a step towards me.

"Please. Don't cry."

I hadn't noticed that a few tears were streaming down my cheeks. I wiped them away quickly. I didn't want him to feel sorry for me. My emotions were just overwhelming me.

"I'm sorry. I want to give you something." I pulled out my diary. "I write in it almost every day and I've never shown it to anyone. But I trust you. I want you to read it. Maybe you can understand me then and maybe you can forgive me." I gave it to him, but he hesitated.

"I already forgave you, June. I just don't know if I can trust you again. Everything between us was a lie."

I expected him to say that. "No, it wasn't. During the last time I wrote a lot about you, about us. All my feelings for you were real. Read it and you will see."

He finally took it.

I just started to realize what I had done. All the things that made me who I was, things I normally hid deep inside me - I had given them to him all at once. I took a deep breath. It was my only chance. But at the same time it scared me so much that I started shaking.

I don't think you're weird, he had said. It's good to be different...

My fear and my trust were fighting an intense battle in me. He noticed it.

"Are you sure you want that?" He sounded almost like his old self. Caring, gentle. Maybe I hadn't lost him forever.

I nodded. I was scared. But he was worth it. "Yes."

He held the diary tighter, close to his heart. It was the right place. As I hoped my words could move something in it.