Famous? Just a little.

14 London by Night

The streets we walked along weren't in the centre of city life, but nevertheless - or precisely because of that - the atmosphere was stunning.

It was full of light but not the garish light of neon advertisement; it was the soft romantic light of street lamps and the headlight of a single car passing by. There was a restaurant and a bar at the corner, quite music here and there, a few people, but not many.

I sighed. "London is beautiful by night."

"Just like you."

I stared at him in surprise and he blushed a little and started stuttering. "I don't mean only by n... I just... um..." He was so sweet.

"You are so sweet." I would have kissed him if I had been bold enough.

He smiled shyly. "Do you want to hear a secret?"

"Sure." I wondered whether he was going to reveal his magic to me now.

"Actually it's more of a confession." He hesitated, but then continued talking. "I asked Bradley not to come to the premiere today."

I frowned. "I thought he wanted to see the football game."

"Yeah, he actually planned on going to a different game on a different day, so that he and Amy could have come to the premiere instead."

"But why did you tell him not to come?"

"I... think I wanted to spend some time with you... alone."

I stopped walking. My eyes widened. I looked at him. Then away. Then back at him, still searching for words. Was he kidding me?

"Can you say something, June? I feel really insecure now." No, he meant it. I could read it in his eyes, that were begging me to answer him.

"I'm sorry. I... don't know what to say." I couldn't think of anything and I hated me for it. It was the first time someone said something like that to me and I wasn't able to come up with any bloody answer? I was a hundred times better with words when I had pen and paper.

He looked disappointed. "That means I shouldn't have done it."

"No!" I replied quickly. He was about to misunderstand me completely. "It means I will always love to see you on stage and to spend time with you."

"With or without the others?"

There was only one answer for that. "Both."

We started walking again, some moments in silence. I thought about something to say to keep up the conversation, but the part of my brain with the few social competences and communication skills just never worked when I needed it.

He finally spoke. "Do you like living in London?"

A simple question. I could answer to it. "It's different. From country life. I like it, but I'm not sure if I'm made for it."

"What do you mean?"

I decided to be completely honest with him, no matter what he would think about me. "Well, I sometimes think I'm not, um, social enough. I don't like to go out every night. I don't like having loads of people around me. Actually it scares me if there are too many."

"That's okay," he said. "I don't like crowds either. Some people here do, apparently, but not everyone is like that."

"I hoped I would be. At least a bit more. I'm so tired of being different."

"Different?" He turned his head to study my face.

"And weird and not normal. That's what they called me back in school. And afterwards." I avoided looking into his eyes. I shouldn't have said these things, I would lose him. But I said what I said; I couldn't go back, so I had to try explaining it. "I just never did what everyone was doing. I know we all have different opinions on things but it always seemed like the others had all the same and the only different one was mine."

He thought about that, while we walked pretty slowly. "I don't think you're weird. In fact I think it's good to be a little different."

"It's lonely. Sometimes. You start doubting yourself. At first I didn't care. I had my family and some friends but they all kind of left me. Even my brothers, who were always so close to me. You asked me once if I miss them. I sometimes miss the time we had together. As children, you know, when life is all about fun and adventures. No worries, no pressure. It seems like ages ago. They are suddenly so grown up. They would still make me laugh at any time and protect me and everything but these... light-hearted times are over somehow. And sometimes that makes me sad." It was my deepest emotions, the inside of my heart. "I've never told that anyone before."

Then I just realized that he was probably not interested in a monolog full of sentimental elements and melancholy. I felt heat rising up to my cheeks. "Oh gosh, what am I talking about? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm annoying, I shouldn't go on your nerves with stuff like that."

"June."

"I don't know why I'm talking that much about me, I usually don't do that. That's so awkward, guess I really bored you, I'm sorry."

"June!" He had stopped walking and stood in front of me, so that I had to look at him.

"Yes?"

"Could you stop apologizing? How can you even think you were annoying? I would never ever be bored by you. Okay? I'm really happy that you open up to me like that. And I absolutely understand what you were talking about. Time flies so fast at times and everything changes and it seems to be different from one moment to the next."

I hadn't expected him to understand me that well.

"But changes can also be good, right?" he said now.

I smiled. He was right. "Yes, of course. I have to remember that."

"You have to remember something else. June, if people don't want you the way you are, they don't deserve you. Don't forget that."

"But it's not like that. I should just work on myself, I try to, that's why I came to London, but it's harder than I thought it would be..."

"Wait - why did you come to London?"

"I don't know, to change myself." I made it almost sound like a question. "People told me I had to open up and fit in, which is probably true. I thought it was maybe because I never really gained any experience in my life, so I had to go out into the world... And London seemed just like a good place to start." I paused. "Does that sound ridiculous?"

"No, it doesn't. Actually I'm glad you came here."

I just realized that we hadn't continued walking. He still stood in front of me. The light of a lamppost above us made his eyes sparkle and casted shadows on his face by falling on his cheekbones.

We were pretty close but it didn't make that nervous this time. It was the way he looked at me and the things he said to me that had slowly taken the nervousness away.

"But something doesn't make sense," he said thoughtfully, without taking his eyes away from me. "Why would anyone want you to change? I don't understand it."

I smiled a sad smile. "Maybe you don't really know me."

"I think I do. Maybe I don't know everything about you. But I know that you are smart and gentle and brave. And beautiful. I can't see anything wrong with that."

I couldn't answer. My eyes were filled with tears and I was afraid I couldn't hold them back for much longer.

"What is it?" he asked, warmly looking at me.

"No one has ever said something like that to me before." It was true, no one had. "I always thought it was better if I try to... fit in."

"No. Please don't do that. You are right, you are not like everyone else, which is exactly why I like you." He smoothed back a strand of my hair that had fallen into my face. I expected him to take his hand away again, but instead he lovingly stroked my cheek, like he had done with the feather before but this time with his hand. His voice was not more than a whisper. "You're very special, June. Don't ever change."

And then he kissed me. Colin Morgan kissed me. I closed my eyes, when I felt his lips touching mine, gentle and tender, but also determined in a way. As if he had waited for that moment as long as I had. It made me forget that there was a whole world existing around us. There were only the two of us, nothing else. And I couldn't help wishing it would be like that forever.