Protecting What's Mine(Complete)

Chapter Thirteen - My Honey

Chapter Thirteen - My Honey
•Sang•

Sweat drips down my face and on to my chest. It's also dropping and sliding down my back. My breaths are coming out hard and fast but I don't stop moving my arms. Like always, I picture the punching bag as Jason; I imagine hitting breaking his nose, hitting him in the jaw and just simply hurting him and not stopping until I feel satisfied...well, satisfied enough really.

My arms ache as do my fists but I keep going. Twisting my body at my waist and putting all my body weight in with each punch towards the boxing bag. My head is also pounding with a headache. With all these new aches and pains, I concentrate on them and the need for any type of drug is gone. This is what I do to control myself. I don't ever want to feel that high again. I never want to not be able to have full control of my body and mind like I have done so before just so I could forget the pain.

I come to an abrupt stop and hold the punching bag in my limp achy arms and resting my wet forehead against it. I close my eyes, catching my breath.

"There's some water in the fridge." I open my eyes and look at the red leather of the bag. My boys, they keep sneaking up on me and I don't like that. It tells me that I'm not aware when normally, I'm always aware.

I look over my shoulder at Nathan as he sits in the chair that I tossed my blouse onto when I walked in. His copper hair is mused and his blue eyes watch me carefully. His elbows rest on his knees and his fisted hand has his jaw resting on it. He looks relaxed but I can see his tense shoulders, the way his throat works as he swallows over and over, like he's nervous.

"Why are you nervous?" I ask him, dropping my arms to my sides before lifting them again and removing the gloves.

He watches me for a moment before sitting up straight and crossing his arms over his chest, his biceps tensing with the movement. "Because you are here and I'm petrified that I'll get to attached again and you'll just leave and disappear anyway."

How is it possible for my heart to shatter even more? I go the fridge, stretching my hands before getting a water bottle out and taking a sip from it. I go over to the weight bench and straddle it, looking back over at Nathan. He watches me closely. "I'm not leaving." I whisper. I can't bring myself to do so now. By morning, Jason Storm will be dead, if this plan works.

"W-What?" The disbelief in his eyes hurts. He don't believe me. Not at the moment anyway.

"I'm not leaving." I tell him. "I've thought about it and if this plan work then I'll be free of Jason Storm."

"You'll be able to come home." He whispers.

I shake my head, giving him a tight smile. "I can't come home, not straight away anyway. I have many issues I need to work through and I can't do that around you, any of you, especially the girls. I can't taint them with how I am now."

"How are you now?" He asks but even I know he already knows the answer.

"Come on, Nathan. I'm not the girl I was six years ago, no where near. I've been through things and seen things and done things I wished I hadn't. I'm a mess, not just physically, but emotionally as well." I pause, licking my dry lips and dropping my eyes to the floor. "One thing I've always known is that no matter what I've done, seen, whatever, my love for you will never go away and that's just another reason to sort myself out."

"So you will be leaving?" He stands and takes his fingers through his hair, his angry and frustration apparent.

"Not because I want to. It's because I have too." I throw back at him, my own frustration rising. "I need help, Nathan. I'm one fucked up bitch now."