Protecting What's Mine(Complete)

Chapter Twelve - Im Listening

Chapter Twelve - I'm Listening
•Sang•

Gabriel hugged me before he left after finishing of my hair. It's blow dried to perfection, hanging down my back and over my shoulders. Gabriel came to the decision that he wasn't ever cutting it and because I know I won't let anyone else touch my hair, I know that it will just continue to grow.

Gabriel also left me with a bag of make up. Now, as I sit staring at it, I wonder if there is any point in doing it. The reason I even started wearing make up in the first place was because I used it as a mask, not wanting anyone to see the real me. I wore my make up dark and bold and as I shift my eyes to the mirror I already know that the contents in that bag won't be touching my skin.

I stand up and head for the door, make up bag forgotten. It's time to face the music. I'm going to listen to what they have to say and then I'm going to leave. I know they'll argue me leaving, I know they'll also try and stop me from going but I need to go and I'm going to be one hell of a bitch so I can.

I walk down the hall and then down the stairs. Walking into the living room, all conversation comes to a stop. All eyes are on me and when I see Raven leaning against the wall I send him a weak smile. He kept his promise, even if he didn't like doing so.

Kayli stands from her seat in Axel's lap and come over towards me. She says nothing but stares at me for a long moment before wrapping me into a hug which I find myself returning. My arms go around her back and my face presses into her shoulder. "I'm so angry at you yet I'm so proud."

Since the moment I met Kayli, she became the sister I never had with Marie. We talked about our boys, make up, hair, clothes and life in general. We giggled, shopping, watched movies together and so many other things. I loved her and still do love her the way I should love Marie. "I'm sorry." I whisper in her shoulder.

She pulls away and her gaze meets mine. "Don't be sorry. Your home and your alive, that's all that matters."

I nod my head but say nothing. What can I say? That I'm still leaving? That I don't know how much longer I'm going to be alive? That I will always be sorry? I'm not the same girl I once was and I wonder if they notice it. Do they notice how dull my eyes are now? That they contain shadows that may never find light again? Do they not know that I've seen things that no one should ever witness? Been through so much shit and yet somehow I'm lucky because I'm still actually breathing.

The determination I've always felt to protect what's mine is what has kept me going for all these years. Every day I woke up and told myself I was doing what I was doing for them. Every night I went to bed knowing that they were still breathing, alive and living. That's all I've ever wanted for them but I made a mistake. I shouldn't have watched from a far and I'm the one who fucked up. It's all out there now.

How can I change that? I can't.

"Pink looks good on you." My eyes jump to my brothers. They sit on the sofa, looking at me like I'm a new person. I'm not. I'm still as fucked up as I was a couple of hours ago. "Your hair looks good to." Logan says.

"Don't wear make up anymore. You look good without it." Adam adds. "How you feeling?"

I shrug my shoulders. "Been better." I look around at my guys. "You know, that no matter what, I still have to leave, right?"

North straightens up from leaning against the wall and Silas puts a hand on his shoulder, pulling him back. Owen, my stern, serious, leader of a man, Owen steps forward. "That might not be the case."

Marc, Kevin and Brandon stand from their seats. "We'll be back in a bit." Marc says to Axel and Owen. Owen nods.

"Keep me updated." Axel says.