Zap! (M. Clifford/5SOS)

Chapter 42: Jet Black Heart

Monica's P.O.V.

A few days later, Ashton asks me to hang out at his place before training, so I carefully bike the path to his house. Some of these roads still haven't been fixed up yet and although this route is familiar, it looks so different from all the damage. I even almost missed a turn because a building on the corner that I usually watch for is gone, or at least in pieces on the ground. It's actually pretty scary being outside when this is your view.

I finally reach his house and he's already waiting for me, letting me in with no problem. I immediately head to his room which, honestly, feels like a safe haven for me. The way he has it decorated just makes me feel comfortable and I wish I could have it. No lie.

Sitting on his bed, I glance up at him standing in the doorway. "Why are you just standing there?" I ask.

"I don't know," Ashton replies, shaking his head. "I guess I was just waiting to do this!" He lounges forward and tackles me on the bed, causing me to squeal and fall backward with him on top of me. Scrambling off, he moves to the side and pushes me up into his body so we're cuddling in our usual position (my head on his chest and his arm around me). That was a smart way of getting into cuddle stance.

"Or maybe I was planning on this," he continues, stroking my arm with his thumb.

"You're smooth," I comment.

"Nah, I just like to consider myself experienced," he responds.

I snort, remembering the Hailey situation. "Yeah, look where that got you."

"Hey, I learned a lot about being a boyfriend then. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't know what to do in this relationship."

"Oh, really? Tell me more," I say sarcastically and move my head to look at him in the eyes.

"You'd kill me if I did," Ashton mumbles.

Rolling my eyes, I try and change the subject, playing with his fingers from his other hand. "Anyways, Calum's birthday is in two days."

"Really?" he questions.

"Yup. I haven't heard anything about a party yet, though. I'm hoping he has one because we're finally friends and I'd like to celebrate it this year," I explain.

"What do you mean you're 'finally friends'?" he asks. "Weren't you always friends with those guys? I mean, that's what I understood when I met all of you."

Taking in a deep breath, I inform, "Well, I've always known Calum and Luke because of Michael, but we were mostly just...acquaintances. I guess that would be the right word. Um, but yeah, we didn't really become 'friends' until I started coming to the band rehearsals. Michael always asked me to come, but I never did and I'm still not sure why, but after I came to your first one, we all just started bonding. It's surprising how different people are when you're not seeing them in the classroom."

"Yeah, that is definitely true," Ashton agrees.

"So yeah..." I trail off, not sure what else to add.

We lay there in silence, listening to each other's breathing and lightly caressing each other's skin. I close my eyes and relax into him, smelling a mixture of laundry detergent and his body wash. Surprisingly, those two scents go really well together and why is it always the cute ones that smell so good? Damn, Ashton, keep using whatever you're using.

A wave of guilt washes over me and my mind suddenly thinks of Michael. Half of me feels wrong for being here with Ashton while the other half is in Heaven. I try and focus on the heavenly part but the popcorn/tickling incident that happened on Sunday hasn't left my brain. Why is Michael making me feel this way? I've never thought about him like this before and I don't know what it is, but I'm happy with Ashton and I'm trying to keep it that way.