The New Romantics

Chapter Twenty Five: Come Back...Be Here

Benjamin nodded his head and looked down.

This was starting to become really awkward. Maybe because I felt we should have been talking. I don't honestly know.

Benjamin rubbed his temples after a moment, and I knew the after-being-drunk headache was starting to appear. I grabbed my bag and fished out the Excedrin, tossing the bottle to him without a word. I put the car in gear and started driving again, deciding I couldn't just sit anymore.

The problem with driving is I can't drive without music. Most people would simply tell me to turn on the radio or plug in my phone, which I did, but let me just leave the playlist I have on my phone right now:

All Of Me- John Legend
How You Get The Girl- Taylor Swift
The Reason- Hoobastank
Missing- For King And Country
I Won't Give Up- Jason Mraz
Blame- Calvin Harris
This Love- Taylor Swift
Love's To Blame- For King And Country
Just Give Me A Reason- P!nk, Nate Ruess
People Change- For King And Country

Yeah, that's just a highlight of my current playlist. Of course, I didn't realize how embarrassing this playlist would be until I played it... in front of Benjamin... after what I just told him especially. Why do I do this to myself again?

I eventually got so frustrated with my own music that I just turned it off. As much as I hated driving without music, I couldn't humiliate myself even more in front of Benjamin. 

I continued to drive for what seemed like forever, and didn't even realize I was driving to my apartment until we got there. It was just normal for me to drive to here after a party. I pulled the car over and turned to Benjamin in a stutter. "I'm sorry. I-I meant to drive you home I just- I'm so use to- It'll just take a minute to get to your house." 

Benjamin shrugged, "It's no big deal. I can crash here if it's to much trouble to get me home. I don't care either way." I knew he didn't mean anything by it, but the idea of having Benjamin sleep over just wasn't the night I had planned. To be fair, none of this was. Deja vu moment.

"No. No, Alex is here. I'll just take you home." I pulled the car to go the opposite direction and drove to his house. We were silent again, obviously still having nothing to talk about. 

Everything that happened was just too unreal to talk about. And there wasn't really anything more to say besides talk about what happened. 

We got to his place in no time. I turn off the car and got out. I needed to talk to him now, before he went inside and I lost my chance at talking to him.

I had stopped crying only a few minutes ago, so probably anything he said would cause me to cry again. Easy. But I wanted to talk to him, I just didn't know how to start.

Benjamin spoke after a moment, "You wanna come inside and talk?" 

I shook my head and shoved my hands in the pocket of my sweatshirt. I didn't quite feel welcomed at the Pond house. And to talk about a subject like this in there didn't settle well. "No. I'll only be a minute. No need to waste the energy." I said to the ground. I was trying to sound light and easy going, but my words totally didn't come out like that. I eventually took a deep breath and kicked the ground, trying to gather the courage to speak.

Benjamin fiddled with the zipper if his jacket, most likely unsure what to do or say. I saw him glance at me out of the corner of my eye, so I started speaking at random.

"Branden and Alex both said we belonged together yesterday." It was the first thing I thought of, and it came out in a rush, but it seemed a pretty good place to start. "It was rather weird hearing it from them. But literally everyone thought this, except me. I was so caught up in my own terrible actions, I didn't notice how well we fit together. I totally hate myself for letting you slip through my hands like that, but I had so much else I was balancing, the weight of our specific relationship was just too much." I sniffled, signaling my tears were coming back. Stupid brain and its miscommunication. Crying was the last thing I wanted to do with Benjamin nearby. 

Once there were a few moments of silence- well, silence aside from my sniffles- Benjamin reached over and gave my hand a squeeze. His hand lingered a little longer than I would have preferred before he withdrew it back to his zipper. "So what are you trying to say?" He asked quietly.

"I'm trying to say that ever since we broke up, my life has been so unbalanced." I turned toward him and looked him straight in the face, suddenly having the courage to look him in the eye. "I'm trying to say that I miss you like crazy, I'm trying to say I love you and I'm selfish and I need you back." I kept my face straight as a tears fell down my face. Goodness that felt good to get out. I mean, I was probably way too blunt, and his reaction would probably totally differ from what I'd prefer, but at least I said it all.

Ben looked relived. Not really the response I was expecting, but it worked. "Are you serious?" His face broke into a grin, "I'm so glad to hear that. Because I love you more than anything, Elizabeth."