The New Romantics

Chapter Eighteen: Change

Two weeks later, I decided I could go out of the house. I'd spent the first weekend in my room, the first full week in my room and the kitchen, and this past week I've been to the living room twice. I haven't been hiding from my embarrassment or feelings or some stupid excuse like that, I just didn't go socialize. Four people all wanting to talk to me in one night was enough. I figured I could take a break. 

Branden had called the day after the second most eventful night of my life, asking what I thought of the whole thing. I told him I was second guessing almost everything and if he was going to ask me on a date, then I could't say yes yet. He said "yet" was what kept him going and he would call me in another week to see if I decided what I wanted to do.

Like he said, he called, asked me on a date, and for some reason I said yes. We agreed on tonight. I don't know if I said yes because I felt bad for kissing him and figured I should at least give him a another chance, if I actually wanted to date him, or if I was desperate and would settle for whatever I could get. I like to think I'm a good enough person that I agreed to go tonight because I actually want to date him, but I feel that's not the case. I guess I'll find out soon enough.

Shower. Dress. Hair. Make-up. Shoes. Done before Branden came. That's a first. Actually, I still have another thirty minutes. Perfect amount of time to read. I'll probably get stuck in the middle of a chapter when he gets here, but I'd rather get stuck than not read at all.

I picked up The Maze Runner and sat on the couch, trying to fully trap myself in the book. It worked, thank goodness, and Branden was here in no time.

Of  course that's when everything hit me. I wasn't dressed for Benjamin today. I didn't do my make-up for him; didn't choose this outfit for him. For the first time in over a year I wasn't suppose to dress up for Benjamin- wasn't suppose to put on my brightest lip stick or my subtlest eye-liner just like he likes it. I was suppose to dress for Branden. 

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After greeting him with a smile, I walked out with Branden and started towards the park. We had avoided contact most of the time, which was a bit awkward. The whole idea of this date was awkward. I hadn't talked to Branden in so long and all of a sudden we're on a date. What do we talk about? Before that night we had been together for two years and a few months. We knew a lot about each other, in some instances a little too much. He knows all about my brother and my dad and what happened with my mom and a whole lot more. He was with me when my dad disappeared the first time and when Alex ran away, yet I can't find a single word to say now.

As we walked through the park in the awkward silence that was our date, I thought. It's weird, because whenever we went anywhere together, we went out of walking distance- went to the next town over, hit the ground running, never stopping until we knew the area so well we could walk through it with our eyes shut and get everything we needed. We never went out to eat, or to the movies or even the park. We were always walking through traffic or exploring antique shops. Never smelling the roses or watching the world around us. It was always about us. Nothing else mattered except that we were together. 

"You've been quiet," I said before I got too deep in my thoughts.

"Just trying to figure out something to talk about." I nodded and continued walking through the park next to Branden.

The one thing I love about this park is it plays music after 8:00- whenever the park lights come on. They're almost always romantic songs, most of the time slow. At the moment "I Won't Dance" by Fred Astaire was playing. This song played on my first date with Benjamin. I totally lost myself while singing along, which was a mistake because I barely knew him then. It's one of those cringe-worthy moments.

I hummed along now, but I didn't embarrass myself. Actually Branden started humming along, too. He can only sing like, one note, so that was interesting. But nevertheless he sang along. We started walking in time and singing along, and soon we were half dancing through the park. I didn't sing along a whole lot because I was laughing, but the giggles came out in rhythm and tune.

Once the song finished, we sat at a nearby park bench, still laughing. We regained our composure after a few minutes and started having a normal conversation. I didn't really pay attention to what either of us were saying, which was probably not the best thing to do in the situation. I was paying attention to our surroundings, and I noticed the bench we're sitting on is the same bench I met Benjamin on. We're sitting right in front of the pace where Benjamin and I first danced and where he first told me he loved me. I know Benjamin is the last thing I should be thinking of, especially on a date with Branden, but I just can't seem to help it.