The New Romantics

Chapter Twenty Two: Other Side Of The Door

I sat outside the room the whole time, listening to every moan, swear word and creak of the stupid bed. I cried a little here and there, but only because... because I missed him so much it physically hurt, and when you're hurt enough, it's natural instinct to cry. At least that's what I kept telling myself.

I just- I hated everything so much at the moment. I hated that I broke up with him, and how he broke every single promise we made, and how I was sitting outside this room because I'm over attached and emotional. I hated the day he left and tonight and everything in between.

Around eleven or twelve, Michael found me again and we talked. He told me about his family, I told him about Benjamin. He said if tonight didn't work out, his front door was always opened and he always had plenty to drink. I smiled and thanked him and he stood up and walked away.

Around one or two in the morning, I gave up. There was no point in me waiting the whole night for someone who probably doesn't even care that I'm here. He most likely wouldn't come out until morning anyway. No reason to lose sleep for nothing.

Well, I thought he wouldn't come out 'til morning. Apparently I was wrong. Benjamin came out right as I was gathering my stuff to leave. His hair looked ruff and his face looked drunk. I wanted to smack that stupid look off his stupid face, but at the same time I wanted to run my hands through his hair and fix it.

I stood as quickly as possible, deciding now was the perfect time to leave. Especially since I was at a total loss for words. Why was I even here in the first place? Why didn't I just go home and watch Netflix while eating ice cream? That would have saved me a lot of embarrassment.

Benjamin's reaction to seeing me was the same as mine at seeing him. He stopped in his tracks, his breathing became shallow and he had to blink several times, probably to make sure I was really there.

He even started to tear up. Most of the time when I think of guys, I think of the stereotypical guy who has no emotion whatsoever. Benjamin is not that stereotypical guy.

I could practically see what he was thinking. He was second guessing my presence, obvious from the look of confusion on his face. The other emotion that appeared on his face was anger, trying to pull back his tears.

"Liz?" His voice held absolutely no emotion, while I probably showed every terrible feeling possible. I felt tears escape my eyes and roll down my face as I silently nodded. I was struck dumb simply because he said my name.

But no. It was more than that. He called me Liz. He never called me Liz! I must have had the wrong guy. My Benjamin would never go to parties, would never call me Liz, would never show such hatred towards anyone, especially me. My Benjamin would have hugged my on sight and called me sweetheart.

I placed it in my mind to walk off and talk to the actual Benjamin tomorrow. Yet something about this one made me stay. It wasn't hope. No, that had passed long ago. It wasn't his voice, because this one was all mean and slurred, two things that never related to Benjamin.

It was his eyes. And his lips. They both looked so perfectly familiar. Most definitely his stature. He was at least the accurate foot taller than me. This male was a pretty spot on doppelganger. 

Alright fate. I've learned my lesson. I'm meant to live forever alone with cats. Otherwise I'll be hurt repeatedly by Benjamin lookalikes. I'm totally okay with cats. Thanks for the confirmation.

I decided it best to call Alex and go home. Get him started on the order of ice cream. It would take a couple of days to get here, and I really don't want to waste any time.

I turned around, but was stopped by the cruel lookalike. "What are you doing here?" 

Fate? What are you doing? I thought we agreed on cats! You know I don't have a sufficient answer for him. WHY ARE YOU PLAYING THIS CRUEL TRICK?!? This is not cool. Totally not cool on any level ever.

"I...uhh. I wanted- I was try- I had been-" nope. Nothing. Nothing accurate came out of my mouth. How do I casually mention I came to this party because Martha said he was here after I told her I wanted to talk to Benjamin? How do I simply state I've been sitting outside this bedroom door for three or four hours, with nothing to listen to except the sounds of him being happy and my heart breaking. Because I can't come up with a good way to say all that in a few short emotionless sentences that didn't show how desperate I was to be with him.

I wiped at my reforming tears with less anger than I intended. I wanted to be angry at him, I wanted to hate him. But this tear wipe looked as if that was all I could do anymore. That I couldn't show any hatred or anything more than sadness. I hated showing sadness. It made me look weak and vulnerable, and the last thing I want to do in this situation is look weak and vulnerable.