Ultraviolence - Cash (Boyxboy)

Freak

Tenth Grade

"First day of 10h grade, Can't wait for another shitty year of loneliness and humiliation", I thought to myself as I pulled up my pants and threw on a t-shirt. 9th grade was an emotional hell. After Jc claimed that I forced myself on Cameron, I had to change all my classes and lunch to senior and junior periods to avoid seeing the freshman at all, which unfortunately also meant not seeing Jack. However, the upperclassmen were even worse. They didn't know me personally, so it was easier for them to make fun of me and beat me up, because they felt nothing. Every weekend I went home with some kind of bruise from a full on beating after school that left me in pain until around Sunday.

Soon I could no longer communicate with Jack because his parents had decided I was too bad of an influence on his safety. Our only connection was about 45 minutes between our last period and the school bus that took Jack home, that is if I wasn't caught by seniors or juniors wanting to beat me up behind the school before I met Jack

At first I had tried fighting back or struggling away from them but it was of no use. They surrounded me in groups of 7, or 8, sometimes even 10, and they all took their turn. Running did no good as they were all faster than me. Eventually I had just gotten used to it, and recognized Carter's, the epitome of trash in their crew, whistle as a sign of defeat. Weekly or sometimes even daily as I walked towards the huge black front doors, I would hear a sharp piercing whistle echoing down the long hall behind me, he had his people outside the front and back doors just waiting. It was truly a sign of lost dignity, and eventually I would just turn around slowly and make my way over to him and his boys, then he would put his arm around my shoulder and lead me out the back door and behind the bleachers for the beating they thought I deserved. Each one of them got the privilege to spit on my limp body when they were done, but they were nice enough to only let that happen once a month though.

However I somehow managed to keep it all a secret from Jack. The beatings, the jokes, the loneliness, he thought I was having the greatest time when really everything had gotten worse, I didn't want him risking his safety for me, it was too much to bare, So I spent my freshman year alone, in pain, and depressed.

-------------

As I entered the school I looked around through the empty halls, I knew it would be a bad day. I always liked to get to school really early so that I could eat breakfast in peace. I continued down the hallway looking into empty classrooms through tiny door windows and out the big back windows that display the football field and bleachers.

As I walked pass the storage closet however I was grabbed by the arm and pulled straight out of the hall. I slammed into the back wall and the door shut and locked. I turned around to see Cameron with his ear against the door. Cameron. Cameron? When he was sure it was quiet he walked over to me and pushed me straight up against the wall and began kissing me. Although I hadn't seen him at all in a year, and emotions were flooding my mind, mostly anger, I couldn't help but kiss him back. "Thank god you still come early, or else I'd be in here all day waiting for this", he said moving down to my neck. "Oh I missed you so fucking much", he said putting his hands on my waist and sucking my neck. "Why, so you can tell people I forced myself on you again?", I managed between breaths. He pulled away from me and looked me directly in the eyes. He took his hand and squeezed tightly in between my legs. "Luckily I never told anyone, am I right?", he said kissing my neck. "It was all Jc." He moved his hand back up and started tugging at my waist. He unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them down, sliding down my bare leg as he did. He got down on his knees and put his hands on the sides of my waist. "I just wanna let you know how sorry I am"

SLAM

--------------

SLAM

"Nash wake up, school starts today", she said with slurred speech. 6am and she's already wasted, how cute.

I sat up reminiscing about the dream I'd had that last night, and the night before, and the night before. They were all the same: Cameron wanting to apologize, and Sex. It'd been a week, and my mind had entered every room in that school imaginable with him. However, I hadn't seen him in almost a year which just made things even worse, and even more confusing, why was I suddenly thinking about him again?

I threw on my clothes and rushed out the front door dreading the horrible day to come.

---------

"Hey, Nash right?", a boy said, sitting his tray down at my table. I had managed to get there early enough for the very beginning of breakfast, I thought I'd be eating alone. "Yeah", I said, not looking up from my 5 star meal of corn flakes and a banana. "Am I interrupting because I could go like...", he explained. "No, no no be my guest, literally. First time for every-", I said stopping mid sentence when I finally looked up at him. He was tall are had these amazing light brown eyes. Best of all I had never seen him before, meaning he was probably new and knew nothing about me... Except my name, and how did he know my name...

"Are you okay", he asked. I hadn't realized that I was staring at him super hard with my mouth gaping. "Um, uh yeah, im fine", I replied looking back down at my food. "Im Shawn by the way, Shawn Mendes. I just moved here from New York, its so..." "Lame. Tragic. Horrible", I interjected. "I was just gonna say different but it's your town I guess you know it better than me", he laughed.

Silence came over us as I picked at my cereal, too embarrassed to eat in front of the hot new guy. "So, Nash, tell me about yourself", he continued.

"Im sorry but how do you know my name?"

"Oh well these three guys i met in the hallway, i think one was named Gilinsky? I don't know, they weren't really memorable. They showed me around the whole school, and basically introduced me to the whole class, isn't that cool. I can tell this is gonna be a great year"

"Jc & Gilinsky? And Mike?"

"Yeah, that was them, cool dudes huh?"

My mind began to race, what if they had told him? I mean i barely knew him but I would've hoped we could become good friends. "What did they tell you about me?"

"Oh, they did tell me that you are... Um... You know, gay.", he said with a big smile.

"What... Really? And you're... Okay with that?"

"Yeah of course, who wouldn't be?"