Ultraviolence - Cash (Boyxboy)

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Nash POV

Things were going so good for me! Shawn was so sweet and cute and amazing, and just perfect. Things were perfect. He was perfect. Even with Jc and the squad, they began to speak to me as if I were a human being, and in December, Jc even went as far as to invite me to his huge 16th birthday bash at his house... As Shawn's guest of course, but still! I was very excited!

******

I walked out of the bathroom feeling amazing. I was wearing my favorite outfit, my hair looked great and I was getting ready to head to Jc's birthday party. It was the first time I'd been invited to one of his parties in a couple years. Shawn had become one of Jcs right hand men because he helped hook him up with all the hottest girls, so of course he was invited, but Jc knew how close of "friends" me and Shawn were and knew he had to invite me too, even if he really didn't want to.

I walked downstairs and slid past my sleeping mom who was laid out across the couch. Sad stuff. It turned out that for that week back in September, when she was being nice, it was only because she'd heard that a Child Services officer would be dropping by. That's why she filled the fridge and fixed up my room, hoping to dispel any rumors of abuse. However, the officer never came, and in a fit of rage she destroyed my new television, and burned some of the new clothes she got me. Ever since though, luckily for me, shes been working double her hours, trying to make her money back, so shes usually never home or if she is, she's sleeping. It'd been an amazing 2 months, for what its worth.

I hopped into Shawns Escalade and he greeted me with a kiss. Fireworks. Every time! "You look so hot", he said and I blushed. "Are you ready for tonight babe, its gonna be so iconic ugh, im so excited", he almost screamed. "Yeah I guess it'll be fun", I replied cheerily. We took off and headed straight for Jc's house.

When we arrived the house was packed with people. We parked the car about 3 blocks away because that was only free spot and walked over to Jc's house. When we walked in people were everywhere, and I mean everywhere. There was a whole gang sitting on every step of the staircase, on every seat in the living room, and every ledge in the kitchen and thats not even to mention the dozens of people standing up. The music was blasting and everyone was clearly drunk. Girls and guys were dancing and everyone looked as if they were the most fun they've ever had. I loved it!

As we walked to the back, Harmony gladly greeted us and led us to the closet where we could hang our coats, it was huge: a walk in coat closet! Everything about this house screamed "rich" and you could see where Jc's confidence and popularity came from just by stepping into any room of his house, even the coat closet.

After hanging up our stuff in the closet, Harmony took us to a bedroom where our gang: Jc, Mike, Gilinsky & Jack J were hanging out. "Shawn!", everyone erupted, running over for hugs and handshakes. They were clearly drunk already. Only Jack J really acknowledged my existence. He gave me a big hug and handed me a drink which I declined; it was only 7pm, I could wait. He was following the other guys, who shoved their cups in Shawn's face only 5 seconds after he arrived, unlike me though, Shawn had no problem drinking early and downed each drink 1 by 1 as the guys cheered out "CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG". As soon as he was done, they grabbed Jack J by the back of his t-shirt and they all shifted out into the hallway laughing and cheering, leaving me and Harmony in the bedroom alone.

"Those guys are crazy huh", Harmony laughed. "Yeah", I replied softly, sitting down on the bed, feeling sadness come over me. I was the outsider of the group, and although I was at least invited, I was still nothing to them. It was a tragic feeling. "Is Cam coming?", I asked Harmony who was sipping something out of a cup. "Nah, he had to work, something about a busy day and how he can't take off, personally I think its bull because-", her voice faded off as I got deeper into my thoughts about Cam. He had a job now? I hadn't really spoken to him in months, ever since he caught me kissing Shawn its just been "hi" or "how are you", that's it, and he never really replies to my texts, or answers my calls. However the whole time I was so blindly in love with Shawn that I didn't even notice that my friendship with my best friend was slowly dying. Was he jealous or something? We had only kissed like twice, he couldn't be that mad.

"Right?", My thoughts were cut off by Harmony's question.

"Huh"

"You do think he's been acting kinda strange right? Cameron?"

"Oh, yeah. I don't know, I haven't really noticed."

"What, but you guys hang out 24/7?"

Harmony didn't sit at our table at lunch, or in the back of the classroom with us, or have my cell phone to see my call and message log. She didn't know I hadn't spoked to him at all in 2 weeks due to thanksgiving break, or that we haven't stayed up all night talking in months, or that when I saw him in school, "hi" and "bye" was the extent of our conversations, that as of right now, we were merely acquaintances.

I didn't really want this conversation to get much deeper to where she might figure something out, so I lied. "No, yeah, I noticed now that you mention it"

We slipped into an awkward silence, both of us obviously worrying about Cam, until her phone rang. "Oh my gosh, my girls are here, ill see you later Nash, have fun!" And then I was alone.

Alone in the bedroom I began to look around. It was surreal the things he owned like a 42" tv, a ps4 and xbox 1, a DSLR and a bunch of camera equipment. I never would've pegged him as a creative type,

On his nightstand was a little book. I knew I shouldn't have looked, it was his personal stuff after all, but I just couldn't help it! It was a notepad book with about 40 pages full of what seemed to be different short stories and even poems. I was so surprised to see this side of Jc, someone I considered to be a devil. I couldn't resist as I skimmed through the pages until I found an interesting title. "Truth" "Bonds" "The Blonde Girl" and finally "him". The title sent chills down my spine and I slammed the book closed before I could read any more. Could it be? Noooo I was overreacting. Or was I. I slammed the book back open and opened my eyes. I had to know!

him
he is beautiful
he is kind
he is everything ive ever wanted
oh why can't he be mine
i cant stand to see him smiling
especially when im not around
we were born for each other
made for each other
can't stand to hear him laugh
or make any other sounds
for as long as we are not one
his existence shall be no fun
ill make sure he loves me in the end
even if its his life i have to end
for the one I love, no decision is rash
i love you, i want you, i need you
Ive got to have you...

As I began to flip the page to read the last line my thoughts raced. "This can't be, he cannot be in love with me its impossible! I mean he tried to kill me, TWICE" "even if its his life i have to end" "Was he really that crazy? Was he really gonna kill me because he couldn't have me!?" "Maybe it's not even me, if I could just see what this last line says"

What I saw on the next page sent me into a state of shock. I stared at the page in shock, unable to move, even when I had finally understood what I had read. Even when the door had slammed open, and a voice said "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" Even when I was hit with a blow to the face and knocked unconscious. I was in a state of shock, and unable to move, even when I realized that the next page, was left blank.