Memories

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I woke up, it was very cold. I noticed there was a window wide open in the room I slept in last night. Not my room... I walked over to the open window and shut it. The floor, it was cold. I then recognized where I was. My whole body heat up. I was scared, I knew it was going to happen soon. He would walk in, I would try, try and try some more to reason with him. He was out of control. I just sat there on the bed and waited. Then I heard a voice, it was coming my direction. I crawled back onto the bed and curled myself up into a ball with my head between my knees.

This voice, it wasn't his, it was...

Mine... ? Then it hit me, I remember saying those exact words. This was our break up.

"No Dennis! NO! I'm done with all this poor me shit! I'm done with you yelling at me when you're drunk whether you mean it or not! You make me feel like I am worthless, and you know what Dennis, I'M DONE WITH YOU!!"

These words echoed in the back of my head. I opened the door to the living room of my old apartment. This place, after the break up, always gave me the creeps. The day of the break up. That was the first time, I ever felt cold in that house. The first time I touched the floor with my feet and it gave me the shivers.

I walked into the living room to find me, 1 and a half years younger, on the floor in tears. I looked out of one of the windows. All I see is Dennis, dragging Pizza Butt on the lead, packing everything he had taken from me & us into my car, and driving away. I never saw him again. I walked up to me, I sat down and cuddles myself. I felt bad for me, that sounds weird, but I do. "(Y/n)!" she said, or I said... What? Did she know I was here... How... "(Y/N)!!!!" She screamed.

I jumped up out of bed, it was a dream... thank god... Felix and Marzia were both standing next to my bed, both had a worried look on their faces.

"(Y/n)! My god, are you alright?" Felix looked really concerned, "Yeah, yeah I'm fine, why, what happened?" I asked, then I realised. I was dripping in sweat, I had huge bags under my eyes and they were red and puffy, I had been crying?

"(Y/n), you were screaming in your sleep, by the looks of it, you were crying too" Marzia explained. I got up, looked in the mirror. "Felix, I had the dream again" I stated. He gave me a sympathetic look. "What dream?" Marzia had no idea, Felix looked at me, mentally asking me if she was allowed to know. I nodded.

"(Y/n) went through at traumatising break up around 2 years ago. He left her and took everything she owned. He even took Pizza Butt... That's why he's never in any of her videos anymore. He would get drunk and yell at her, he would tell her she isn't worth living, that she wasn't worth his time. She made herself sick, mentally. She actually believed that she wasn't good enough. He would always apologize the next morning" Felix told Marzia basically everything there needed to be said.

As the day went on, Felix and Marzia would ask me if I was ok, I just sat in my room, editing and making new videos.

"Hey guyyysssssssssssssssss, It's (Youtuber/name(YT/N)) and welcome, to another one of my vidoes! Today, I wanted to do a vlog, I have been thinking. Thinking about life. A year and a half ago, I posted a video about a my break up with a certain someone. This was a really difficult time for me, nightmares, still haunt me to this day. I know, in my videos, I always seem like a happy-go-lucky person, but sometimes, I have small break downs. Finally, I decided, I don't care about it anymore. All of it haunts me still, but now, I choose to ignore it. I'm done with that now. So in this video, I'm going to tweet out to you guys asking if you need any advice, and I'll try my best to help out!" I smiled, I knew there were so many people out there that needed it. I used to be one of those people, and sometimes, I still am. "Ok, the first tweet,

'Hey (y/n), I have been going through a rough time, at school. I just moved and no one here likes me, I'm always alone. My parents won't listen to me, I tell them I hate it there, that I need to go back to my old school. I can't be me in front of these people, because to be the real me, I need to have friends to support me. Please help...'

"Wow, that is literally what happened to me in highschool, so my only advice is hang in there, things WILL get better. And don't close yourself up, you also need to be welcoming if you want to make friends. Make sure that you're nice to everyone, that way, you will eventually have a few close friends. I promise you things will be alright. And if you ever need any more help, you know where to find me. I'll write down your username here so if you do get back to me, I'll know what it's going to be about. Thank you and I hope i could help!" I smiled straight at the camera, I really did go through a time like that. The pain of not being accepted. I answered a few more questions and rounded off the video. "I plan to make more videos like this, so if you ever need any help, remember to keep an eye out! And I'll see all you crazy peepz in the next video, bye bbs!" I ended the video and went downstairs.

"Yep, sure ok, ok... yeah she is right here... (Y/N)!! There's someone on the phone!!" Felix yelled. "Ok I'm coming, wait!" I ran over to Felix and snatched the phone off him, "Hey, (y/n)? It's Joe! I was wondering, if you, maybe, wanted to g-go out, l-like on a date...?" This was adorable, I loved Joe, but only as a friend, "Oh yeah sure, where do you want to meet and what time!" I was only saying yes because I didn't want to lose him as a friend and I knew it probably took him a lot of courage to ask me. I heard a faint shriek on the other side of the line, then I couldn't hear anything anymore. Casper, Joe and Oli were all in on this. Joe un-muted the call, "7 o'clock, I'll come to yours, we're going to the cinema, sound good?" "Yeah, awesome, cya then!" I replied. He hung up and Felix walked up to me. "You know, he actually asked for my permission, and he's a youtuber, so, I think you're good!" He smiled and walked off.

I smiled and continued editing.

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