PHAN -Save me, please.

Chapter 13

A/N: Alright guys prepare yourself for an emotional rollercoaster. Everything written in italics are thoughts. 

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This one phrase Zoe said clung to Dan's brain the following week. He and Zoe were sitting together almost every lunch, they were casually chatting and it felt nice to have someone who understood. Nevertheless, that Zoe exclaimed that Dan was OBVIOUSLY in love, made him think.

Was it really what that was? Dan had always had this strange feeling whenever he was around Phil, nothing compared to when he talked to other people like Zoe, Scott or one of the nurses. Whenever Phil entered the room, Dan's stomach turned upside down. Whenever Phil would talk to him, Dan was so focused on him and what he was saying, that he sometimes didn't even answer. No matter how boring Phil thought he might be, Dan would find everything he said interesting.

But Dan had never thought of these feelings as love or being in love. Until Zoe pointed this out, he didn't even realize THAT something was happening. But when he now thought back to that conversation and thought about all the times Phil made him feel dizzy of happiness, it seemed much more likely than Dan's theories.

However, Dan decided that he wouldn't dwell on this though. Phil was a handsome guy, sure there were a lot of people out there who'd do anything to be with him. Also, Dan was just Phil's patient. Phil surely didn't adopt a patient at MIR to be in a relationship with him. And what did Dan even know about Phil's love life? They'd never talk about it!

The only thing Dan knew according to that was that Phil was on a date with PJ, who is an extremely attractive man, hands down. And if Phil even rejected him, what would he want with an anorexic, self-harming, depressed little Daniel, who would just cry because of the stupidest things?!

Yes, maybe Dan was in love with him, or something similar. But he decided that it'd be the best for their friendship if he wouldn't act on that. Dan for sure didn't want to destroy anything, since hands down Phil was the best thing that has ever happened to him. What they had, no matter what it may be, was something that Dan was certain he wouldn't find anywhere else or WITH anyone else. And Dan would never throw Phil away because of some stupid feelings of his.

What was the last time you felt in love, huh? He asked himself. It was when he was still with Luke. Wasn't he the guy you thought you could never replace with anyone? He ran away. He ran away, was mad at you and couldn't handle with your shit. And that's what will happen with Phil if you act on your feelings. Do you want that?

Dan knew it was going to be hard. There was no denying it now that he thought about it. He was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Phil. But this certainty made it harder for him. He remembered the time when he wasn't out yet and had these strong feelings towards Luke. It was this extreme pain inside his chest every time he was near Luke, not even speaking about what happened when Luke would accidentally touch him. And when it was this hard with Luke, who, at this point, just seemed as a stupid teenage romance, how bad would he feel when he wasn't allowed to act on his feelings now, towards Phil.

At least Dan could say that it wasn't getting worse. They didn't "experiment" anymore after the coming closer/hand holding thing. At this point, the hand holding incident was 2 weeks ago. It was now normal for Phil to sit on Dan's bed; Dan with his back to the wall and Phil with his back to the headboard. No matter how much Dan actually trusted Phil and how much he wanted to get closer to him, something was holding him back. Not his body or Phil's body, not the fact that Dan thought he was the ugliest person alive. It was something deeper, something else, more secret and so much harder to get at.

A knock on the door. The door opened. "Hi Dan, I'm back!" A familiar black-haired guy exclaimed.

Speaking of the devil. Dan thought, smiling towards his companion nevertheless. He felt the familiar feeling of happiness spread through his entire body. A feeling he had lost for so many years and which was finally back, because of Phil.