PHAN -Save me, please.

Chapter 9

A/N: Everything written in italics is a flashback.

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"Good morning, how are you doing?" Phil said cheerfully, as he entered Dan's room the next morning.

Dan sat up straight in his bed, the blanket only covering his legs. He had never felt more exposed, yet he felt somewhat relieved. It was the first time that he really was open to another person, to show his body, even though he didn't really want to. But the thought that he had to do something because he was the only one who could get himself out of this misery, kept pumping through his veins.

"What did you do yesterday?" Dan asked, instead of answering the question.

Dan knew that he could not really answer Phil's question. Even though that there hd been times when it was way worse with him, he didn't feel quiet "good" yet. The mixture of feelings that he felt inside of him was something that he couldn't word.

"Ehm... I was out with PJ. Dr. Ligouri, your responsible doctor." Phil answered awkwardly. He felt uncomfortable telling Dan, for whatever reason.

After Phil did a bit of thinking, he decided that it couldn't be that bad to go out sometimes. He never did himself any good, always put others before him. He thought it was time that he got a reward.

PJ was more than happy when Phil agreed to go out with him. Even though Phil felt kind of uncomfortable to go out with a person he didn't even have feelings for, it was a nice distraction from everything going on in his life at the moment.

PJ invited him to this amazing restaurant in the most expensive part of London. He picked Phil up in front of his flat with an amazing car, drove to the restaurant and was a real gentleman all in all. He held doors open for Phil, gave him compliments and even paid the whole evening.

If Phil would say the evening sucked, it was a huge lie. Phil had a lot of fun, they were talking non-stop, and not even about MIR-related things, about everything really. Phil got to know PJ better and PJ got to know more about Phil.

Nevertheless, Phil felt as if he was hanging out with one of his friends, not with a possible love interest. That feeling bugged him more and more, since PJ clearly showed signs of being interested. When PJ drove Phil back to his house and said a goodbye, he suddenly started to lean in. Phil was paralyzed, he could only stare at PJ lips and the thought of getting kissed by him. Then it hit Phil like a train – he had no feeling for PJ in any way. He didn't want to be in a relationship with him. He did not want to be kissed right now.

Phil slowly backed off, as PJ's lips were almost on Phil's. "I-I'm sorry PJ. I... I don't kiss on a first date..." Phil made up an excuse. He reached his goal because PJ stood up straight again, his face a deep shade of red.

"Oh... okay sure." PJ chuckled. "But... Maybe there will be a second date?" he asked hopefully.

'Phil, make up your mind!' Phil thought. PJ was so nice, handsome and just such a good person to be around. He did not deserve to be played with. But no matter how much Phil told himself, that PJ surely would be the best boyfriend, he could not come in terms with himself about it. As hard as it was to accept that he didn't have any feeling for PJ whatsoever, Phil actually thought about agreeing on another date, just to see if maybe some feeling will be developed.

"If you don't want to it's fine too, I mean you don't need to force anything..." PJ said with awkward laughter, as he didn't get a response from Phil.

"Look, PJ..." Phil started, searching for words. "PJ... I really like and you all, but I really think that I'm not the one you're looking for..."