Again

32 - Can You Read My Mind

...I...I haven't seen nor talk to her after that.

I see.

Long silence filled the room afterwards. No words came out from their mouths. No sounds but the weary cry of Dennise.

And the harsh storm outside. Tuluyan ng naging bagyo ang madilim na ulap kanina.

Alyssa couldn't actually believe what she just heard from Dennise. Not that she really didn't, but the fact that it reached to the extent of Deny's father dying and her mother disowning her.

Nang pumayag siyang pakinggan ang paliwanag nito, inaasahan niyang kukumpirmahin nito ang hinala niya. Na iniwan siya nito at hindi nanindigan sa pagmamahalan nila.

But it was the way around. Too opposite na nagawa nitong lumaban nang mag-isa, nagawa nitong tanggapin ang pagtatakwil ng pamilya.

Namatay ang ama na hindi nito napakinggan ang pagpapatawad nito, itinakwil ng ina dahil sa inakala nitong kasalanan lahat ni Dennise ang nangyari sa ama at nabuhay nang mag-isa sa Amerika.

All that Dennise did for love.

Her love for Alyssa.

But what did she do as an exchange?

Hated her with all her might. Cursed her with all her strength. Blamed her with all her power. Damned her with all her capacity as a human.

Yet still...

I don't think I deserve your love anymore...she achingly pronounced the words. 

Words that she didn't imagine she would say to her.

It should be the other way around.

It should be Dennise who would say them as she imagined.

Ysay...

How could I still look at you and still be proud of myself??? Deny, I'm so ashamed, I want to kill myself or jump off from this building at this very moment! Saying sorry is not even enough for all that you had gone through! Oh God I hate myself now!!!

Ysay don't!!! Dennise grabbed her and embraced her tight. They were seating sideways at the sofa.

During meal, tahimik lang silang silang dalawa, both still feeling awkward after what had happened earlier. Though she'd promised to listen to Deny's story, the woman beside her didn't immediately grab the chance to explain. Tahimik lang itong pinanood siya habang nagluluto siya ng tanghalian nilang dalawa. Habang siya naman, hinihintay lang ito na buksan ang topic.

Nagsimula at natapos silang kumain nang walang imikan. Tinulungan pa nga siya ni Dennise na linisin ang mga ginamit nila na katihimikan pa rin ang namagitan sa kanila. When they finished the chores, pareho silang naupo sa sofa na para bang pagod na pagod. She leaned over the sofa and closed her eyes.

At dun na nagsimulang magkuwento si Dennise. Mula sa araw na huli silang magkita hanggang sa muling pag-uwi nito sa Pilipinas at nakipagkita sa kanya.

At bawat salitang lumabas sa bibig nito ay nagpadagdag ng bigat sa kanyang dibdib, with guilt slowly and undeniably killing her whole self.

Hindi niya alam kung anong mukha pa ang puwede niyang iharap dito pagkatapos.

I know it's not worth saying, but I'm really sorry Deny! Oh God I'm sorry! para siyang kandilang nauupos sa sobrang kahihiyan.

It's okay, love! It's okay! alo nito sa kanya.

But it's not! Deny it's not! Those years that I hated you! Up until yesterday, I hated you....