The Truth Behind Those Eyes

Chapter Thirty-Four

They walked the empty road, the miles stretching out behind them as the minutes ticked over to hours.

"Sorry." Nikki mumbled for the hundredth time.

After the first twenty apologies they had stopped answering, which only served to make her feel worse. She felt terrible, not just emotionally but physically too. Her body ached - her limbs protesting with each tired step and her head throbbed with a sickening headache. But she bit back the tears, refusing to cause Josh and Sam any more problems. It was her fault they were walking and her fault her body felt so used and spent; the least she could do was bear her agony in silence. She thought back to the curtain of fire. It had been so easy to pull it out; to draw it from her veins and stretch it, shape it, grow it. It had been second nature; she'd done it without conscious thought. She'd had no idea what she was doing, she had just been driven by the urgent need to see the car in ruins. Well she'd got her wish all right. The decimated vehicle was long behind them, reduced to a smoldering pile of twisted metal and liquefied plastic.
She'd held so much anger and hatred; it had paralyzed her ability to think clearly, eaten away at her until she'd been obliviously consumed by her lust for revenge and retribution. She'd despised her two companions more than anything she'd ever loathed before, and the emotion had incinerated everything. It had dwarfed her feelings for Josh and obliterated her friendship with Sam. But where had it all come from? What had caused her strange flare of fury? She'd felt ostracized and lonely but how did that lead to her setting fire to the car?
She replayed it over and over, trying her best to sift through the tirade of emotions. Things were slightly hazy but she persevered, raking over the memory in search of anything that might explain her outburst. She'd been fine, all be it a little irked, but nothing to cause the loathing she had become consumed by. It was as if she'd been possessed by anger itself. One minute they were heading to Mikey's and the next she'd been ready to tear her companions to shreds. But why?

Why?

She couldn't answer. She didn't know why. All she knew for sure was that she had become unstable, unable to think clearly or control herself but what could she do about it? She'd tried to take herself out of the equation but Unus had stepped in. What else could she do? She was slowly disappearing. The Nikki she once knew no longer existed; she'd been replaced by a power hungry stranger. One who was infinitely more dangerous and frightening than she'd ever thought possible. How could she want to hurt Josh? How was it at all possible that even the smallest part of her would want him in pain? She cared for him, really cared for him. When he was in pain she felt it too, the encounter with the Blood Hounds had proven that, so why then would she suddenly become so hateful that she wanted him to burn? It didn't make sense. She couldn't fathom it out.

For hours she wandered the same circles in her mind, chasing the same thoughts around and around until she felt mentally dizzy and emotionally drained. As dusk fell she was so engulfed in her own disjointed thoughts that she almost walked straight into Josh who had stopped to talk to her.

"Whoa, Nikki?"

She stumbled, staring at him in confusion.

"Sorry." She was so sick of that word and yet it tumbled from her dry lips at every given opportunity.

"We're almost there." He ambled alongside her, his hands shoved casually into his pockets. "How you doin'?"

She forced a smile and shrugged. "Okay," she lied. She hadn't fooled him but thankfully he didn't press her. Perhaps he was too afraid that she'd lose the plot again, she thought bitterly.

A short way ahead, Sam called over his shoulder. "When we get to the town we need to lay low. I'll phone Mikey and try to get hold of some food."

Josh nodded. They both looked tired; Nikki found it odd. She'd never seen them so fatigued before. But then again she'd never tried to set them ablaze inside a car before either. It was a day for firsts.