Start Clapping, Our Act Is Over (Zeroyalchaos FanFic) {Wattys2015}

Chapter 9- I Never Meant For This To Happen...

I'm going to try to add something happy. But I can't make any promises. Except there will be something happy in the next chapter...maybe. Ok, Enjoy!

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Ze's P.O.V:

After the fight I got a hotel room at the nearest hotel, which happened to be a Holiday Inn next door. But as soon as I got to my room my  phone made a noise alerting me that I had a twitter notification. I opened up twitter and saw that Chilled posted something. I looked at what he posted and my eyes widened in shock. No....he didn't...he couldn't have. But he did. He cut his wrist again. This time it was not part of the act...he did it because he was hurting. And he was hurting because I hurt him. I hurt him because I believed someone else. Smarty doesn't know Chilled like I do. Yet I believed him. I let his words corrupt my mind and it hurt the one I love.

I had been crying for the past five minutes and I finally realize that I left Chilled alone.ALONE. I quickly got up and rushed to the stairs, being too worried to take the elevator. I rushed to his apartment and used the key he gave me to get inside. "CHILLED!" I scream as loud as I can as soon as I get inside. I shut the door and looked everywhere, finally finding him in his office, unconscious. I look around and see a note and a pill bottle on the desk. I grab the note and quickly call 911. "Hello, how may I help you today?" The nice lady asked. "Help! My boyfriend just attempted suicide and he is currently unconscious" I said as calmly as I could. "Ok, we'll send someone right away. Does he have a pulse?" She asked, I checked, sighing in relief as I realized that he had one. "Y-yes." I stutter. "Ok, just hold on until help gets there, ok hun?" She says. "Ok." I said and like that I put my phone away.I instead focused on the note.I sat down next to Chilled and petted his soft hair as I read the note, by the time I finished reading it I was sobbing and the ambulance had got here. I explained what happened when I got here and we rode to the hospital. I held Chilled's hand the entire way. When we got to the hospital he was rushed to emergency care. I suddenly got really worried and nervous about Chilled, I decided to call the guys and tell them what happened. "Hello?" Galm said as he picked up the phone. I started crying a little. "Ze? What's wrong?" He asked, concerned. "I-it's Chilled." I managed to choke out. "What about Chilled?! What did he do?!" He asked. "H-he's in the hospital, h-h-he tried to commit s-s-suicide!" I cried into the phone, letting my tears flow freely. "Z-Ze? Tell me you're kidding." He said on the verge of tears. "I wish I could...but I found him in his office, unconscious. He took some pills, we're unsure of the amount." I said surprisingly calm. "Do we need to come over?" He asked. "Would you? Please? I don't want to lose Chilled...ever, he's my best friend." I said as more tears ran down my face. "Of course, Ze. I'll get a plane ticket and Tom and we'll be there as soon as we can ok? Stay strong. He'll make it, he'd never leave you." He said than hung up. He'd never leave you.... But I would leave him. This is all my fault. I thought back to the fight.

***************************Flash Back******************************* 

When I woke up from my dream I was immediately pulled into a hug. Chilled. He kissed my head. Suddenly anger surged inside of me. I pushed him off me. "Get the fuck away from me!" I screamed at him, seeing him wince at my tone of voice. "B-but Ze, it's me...Chilled." He said, tears starting to form in his eyes. More anger came over me. "I FUCKING KNOW THAT! NOW GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" I screeched at him. He backed away from me, he was scared. "What's wrong babe." He said quietly, and that's when I snapped. "Don't you fucking dare call me that! And why do you care? You don't love me..." I said, turning away from him. "B-but I do lo-" He started to say but I cut him off. "BULLSHIT YOU LOVE ME. YOU'RE JUST USING ME. YOU DON'T CARE. YOU DESERVE ALL THE PAIN YOU FEEL, IF IT'S EVEN REAL!" I screamed at him while I got up and walked to the bedroom, coming back out with my bags. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DON'T CARE?! I HAVE BEEN LYING TO SO MANY PEOPLE ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP! I'VE DONE SO MUCH FOR YOU AND YOU HAVEN'T HAD TO DO SHIT FOR THREE YEARS!" He screamed at me in response, starting to cry. "S-so yeah, y-you're right Ze. I-I don't care. Y-you can just g-go. I know you d-don't want to be with me, no one does...." He said. I flashed him a look of sympathy, he looked really sad and miserable. But I then realized what he was doing and continued to glare at him. "Don't you dare cry about it! I know what you're trying to do, you're trying to trick me into feeling sorry for you, well I'm not. So go cry over something you actually care about. I'm done with you." And then I walked out the door, slamming it shut behind me...

*******************End Of  Flash Back ***********************************

What was I thinking!? I love Chilled. I made him think I hated him. I knew the statement he was referring to with his cut, it's supposed to say 'Fuck Love, I'd Rather Drown Than Live Without You.' I guess it sort of worked out then, which is sad to think about. It was the perfect thing to say at a time like this. When the one you love no longer loves you. You decide to abandon love because you'd rather die than find another fish in the sea of people around you. Chilled does care, he's done so much. And I just threw him away like an unwanted puppy. He'd never replace me, he'd never leave me. And he didn't leave me, I left him. If he dies then I'm coming with him. (A/N: 'Cause I got your picture, I'm coning with you. Dear Maria count me in, No One? Ok. Back to story.) He can't die though, we have so much to live for. So much we never got to do...

I sadly walked into Chilled's room. The doctor said that he has a 35% chance of waking up. He's in a coma. The doctor says that if he doesn't wake up in a week they have to take off his life support. I looked at my boyfriend's dead looking body, he looked like he was sleeping, but I was starting to think he would never wake up. And that thought alone could literally bring me to my knees if I thought about it. Because the last memory we would have ever shared would be the fight we had. The event that killed him. That sent him over the edge, that brought his fate. Fate. Such a funny thing to think about. It's supposed to be a controlled variable in life, but many seem to defy it. I had always thought it was real and when I thought about, I realized just how much of a bitch it is. Taking countless lives, controlling everyone, counting their last days on earth. It decides what happens to them, whether they live or die, but that's stupid. Only you can decide whether you live or die. That's just life. We're humans, we will die some day anyway.

I must have fallen asleep because I was nudged awake by a nurse. I looked up at her. "I'm sorry sir, but visiting hours are over." She said with a sad smile. "Ok, but can you call me if anything happens?" I asked nicely. She nodded.  "Of course! Are you family?" She asked. "Sorta, I'm his...uhhh, boyfriend." I said. "Ok, then, we will notify you if anything happens." She said as I exited the room. Please wake up, Chilly. I don't know what I'd do without you.

Not even death could  stand in the way.

                                                           You never even tried in the first place.

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DONE! I really hope that you liked this. I'll try to make the next chapter happier. I realized that I can write happy chapters better than depressing ones, I think, I don't know this chapter isn't the greatest but it's decent. Oh and I have a twitter and a tumblr now. AM I COOL NOW MOM?

Mom: No.. Me: WOW, that's cool I guess. Anyways, I put my tumblr and my twitter username in my bio so you can get it from my profile or if you're lazy: Tumblr- ChaolypticSarcasm Twitter- ChaolypticCrtic. That's about it. BAII