Start Clapping, Our Act Is Over (Zeroyalchaos FanFic) {Wattys2015}

Chapter 8- What Did I Do? I Guess I'll Never Know

So, let's see what drama awaits us, shall we?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chilled's P.O.V:

I woke up on the couch with a start. I had a really depressing dream and it almost ended with suicide, but then Ze came and I didn't do it because he loves me, but I can still hear what it said in the dream.

Looking back I still have so many questions

So many things unanswered

Like what did I do?

What could I do?

Was there ever a moment you cared?

I still feel so much hate inside of me, seems like you were just waiting for me to fail...I'm sorry i can't forgive you, do you blame me? You never forgave me. I've tried to grow from this, but everyday is a new challenge, because with you there is just no winning...like it or not, i'm still a part of you. And you're still a part of me.

So this is how it ends? All the tears? All the blood? It's all been for nothing. As the candle dwindles and flickers out, the end.

Just thinking about it sent shivers down my spine. It was actually really depressing if you think about it, it sounded like it was the only way. God, what happened that made my mind so fucked up? Was I really that depressed? Or is it just the stress getting to me? I really hope that it's just stress, I can't leave Ze, what would he do? What would I do? Then I noticed that Ze was on the floor, unconscious, no...He must have passed out! I rushed over to him and shook him, trying to get him to wake up. "Ze! Wake up, babe! Please! Ze, wake up!" I screamed at him, he seemed to be breathing but I wanted to make sure that he's ok. After shaking him a couple more times he woke up. I pulled him into a hug. "I'm so glad that you're ok, babe!" I said as I kissed his head. He pushed me away. "Get the fuck away from me!" He screamed at me. I winced at his tone of voice. He was serious. "B-but Ze...It's me...Chilled." I said, tears beginning to form in my eyes. "I FUCKING KNOW THAT! NOW GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" He screeched. I backed away from him, full of fear of my once loving boyfriend. "What's wrong babe?" I asked, quietly. "Don't you fucking dare call me that! And why do you care? You don't love me..." He said, turning away from me. "B-but I do lo-" I started but was soon cut off by Ze. "BULLSHIT YOU LOVE ME. YOU'RE JUST USING ME. YOU DON'T CARE. YOU DESERVE ALL THE PAIN YOU FEEL, IF IT'S EVEN REAL!" He screamed at me while he got up and walked to the bedroom, coming out a minute later with his bags. He's leaving.... "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DON'T CARE?! I HAVE BEEN LYING TO SO MANY PEOPLE ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP! I'VE DONE SO MUCH FOR YOU AND YOU HAVEN'T HAD TO DO SHIT FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS!" I started crying. "S-so yeah, y-you're right, Ze. I-I don't care. Y-you can just g-go. I know you d-don't want to be with me, no one does..." I said as tears streamed down my face. He flashed me a look of sympathy, well I think he did, but I couldn't confirm it because it left as quick as it was there. "Don't you dare cry about it! I know what you're trying to do, you're trying to trick me into feeling sorry for you, well, I'm not. So go cry over something that you actually care about, I'm done with you." And with that he walked out the door and slammed it shut. He just walked out of my life. Forever. I was no longer crying. I was now sobbing. I did care. Why couldn't he see that!? What happened to him? I thought he loved me..

Shut up, no one loves you. No one ever will. Why do you think you're having those dreams? It's because your mind is trying to tell you something, maybe you should listen.

Maybe I should listen to myself. I fell in love with a perfect boy. A too perfect boy. A boy I don't deserve. I walked to the bathroom and grabbed the blade I used to cut my arm in the first place.