stevie | outer banks | JJxOC

54- I hope you liked breaking the rules with me

They arrived back at the heart of the fight, instantly separating to help John B and Kie with Sarah respectively. Kie had pushed the girl who had been flirting with John b all night away from Sarah who had been pushed to the ground.

"You okay?" Stevie rushed down to help her up whilst Kie shouted in defence of Sarah.

"Who's side are you guys on?" The girl shouted spitefully, using the excuse that she was a Kook to attack Sarah.

"She's our friend!" Kie shouted whilst Stevie took Sarah's hand and helped her to her feet and brushed the bits of dirt off her knees and hands and out of her hair.

"You really gonna stick up for your brother's ex-girlfriend?" The girl criticised Stevie. For tonight she had had enough of other people's opinions.

"Why do you give a shit?" She started getting closer and closer, shouting in her face, "Why do you care who we hang out with? Such a fucking loser, this is none of your business,"

As Stevie finished venting, the girl took her hands and pushed her back causing her to stumble. Being as fed up as she was, it was only instinct for Stevie to be rowdy back. But she didn't make it very far before Pope whisked her away to the Twinkie where the other Pogues were waiting.

For once she couldn't even look at JJ without feeling uneasy.

"Did you seriously stick up for Sarah?" John B asked his sister as they piled into the car.

"Yeah of course," Stevie didn't hesitate to protect her friend, "you forget that i was friends with her first. Before you two started macking,"

...

Stevie took a minute away from the bonfire. She had been trying to let go of all the thoughts in her mind but she couldn't. She just kept spiralling over and over still she felt dizzy from her own mind. JJ noticed she was being quiet. He could see the thoughts dance across her eyes and that she was struggling but she didn't say anything. Just left the fire and into the cover of darkness.

"Stevie," He went after her, handing his marshmallow off to Pope before jogging into the Chateau and following Stevie to where she found refuge in her room. Their room.

"JJ I'm fine," She said, looking away from the door but sensing his presence, she brushed her hair up and out of her face before reaching for some clothes as if she was calling for an early night's sleep, "Just go outside," She said rather bluntly. In a frustrated way that she had never spoken to JJ with before, not even when they 'hated' each other. Even then there was some light in their speech, some humour. Stevie spoke now with sharpness.

"Can you just tell me what's wrong?" JJ had adopted some of her sharpness.

"You know that's not my style," Stevie let out a self-deprecating laugh. She often just ignored anything that went wrong, never told anyone, and ran away from it until it was in the background, rather than deal with any of her problems. "I'm fine," She reiterated.

"You're clearly not," JJ saw straight through her bullshit. Sometimes she forgot just how well JJ knew her. "So what's wrong?"

"Nothing!" she started raising her voice.

"Stevie?"

"Can you just stop!" She snapped, turning around to face him for the first time, "I just want you to stop. Can you just stop? I want a break, please." Her voice trembled as she spewed out her begs.

"Why are you so guarded?" JJ asked softly, he didn't want to argue, he did come here to argue. He came here to help her.

"Everyone lets me down," Her voice cracked as puddles of water formed in her eyes, " if I just stop now it won't hurt as bad when it goes wrong."

JJ's heart began to hurt for her, but he wasn't willing to back down. He wasn't willing to accept it would go wrong or that he would let her down, "I'm not your mum, I'm not your dad or Uncle T, I'm not John B. I'm not Tobie. When have I ever hurt you?"

Stevie went into attack mode to protect herself. She scoffed before answering the obvious, "Oh I don't know when you hated me and mocked me and annoyed me on purpose for 10 years,"

"As if you didn't do it back," JJ's attempts at a conversation rather than an argument were futile. Stevie was building her walls back up again with the memory of her mother, despite JJ's efforts. He responded frustrated that she didn't trust him.

"You started it," they had started to argue like kids.

"Because I had a crush on you!" JJ shouted back.

"That's a weak excuse JJ," Stevie scratched her head as she could feel a headache forming. One thing she couldn't tell was why he was trying so hard. In her mind she was disposable yet JJ seemed unable to let this do despite the many girls he could have instead. "JJ we're 17. Did you think we were gonna get married and buy a house together, have kids and a dog and grow old?"

"Yes." he replied without hesitation, he did care that they were young and this was his first love, his answer was yes, "You are the only person I could ever see myself with, and you know that"

But she didn't know that. He could say it over and over again, but in her head, nothing was stopping him from packing his bags and leaving her wondering what she did wrong.

"I don't think I will ever marry," She muttered to herself.

"Yeah you will," JJ had no doubt that Stevie was the loving kind, she may have been insecure but she just wanted love, "you'll marry someone and love them, cause you will always be a loving person. You'll get married and grow old. And I'll watch," He said with a sad tone before turning to spite, "you just need to get over yourself first,"

"What?"

"You need to get over yourself," JJ repeated, "You're a coward. You don't fight for love, you're afraid of it. And I thought I was bad, but you can't accept love from anyone. I thought I was gonna have an issue with all my emotional damage with my mum and shit from my dad. None of that mattered 'cause for once I felt truly loved, I knew what love was. And I wanted it. I wanted to feel it all the time. I wanted it to consume me but you're too scared and weak to accept it."

He was right. She had felt true love but rather than loving it all she thought about was how it could go wrong. JJ had the power to really hurt her so she stopped it and hurt herself before he had the chance.

"Can you leave?" She looked up into JJ's eyes for the first time in a while, he saw the shimmer of the trail of tears that had stained her cheeks.

"Are we breaking up?" JJ's voice was raw, he almost couldn't believe the words he was saying. 24 hours ago he would have called you crazy for even suggesting he would ask this question. All from one party, one conversation about the stars, one incident from 7 years ago where a little girl was left alone on her birthday.

"Just go," Stevie cried more.

"Tell me!"

"Yes!" she raised her voice back, "Is that what you wanted to hear?!"

"I always knew I was going down. I knew I was bad and poor and a derelict, but it didn't matter 'cause so were you. I was doing it with you. I just-" he stumbled, his heart busting in his chest and its eyes beginning to itch, "after everything that we've been through, I hope you liked breaking the rules with me."

He turned away. He didn't look back just walked out the door of their bedroom. It only took the sound of the door latching into place for Stevie to sob uncontrollably. She knew JJ didn't deserve it, her heart didn't deserve it. But her head took over and she could not get away from the feeling of complete emptiness after her mum left and took her love with her. JJ had that power.

Her brain flipped that night looking at the stars. Love was no longer a beautiful connection between two souls, closely intertwined, it was no longer a beautiful dance that bound soulmates together, it was no longer uplifting and constructive, but a weapon to be used against her. 

a/n IM SO SORRY but there will be necessary character-building to come

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