stevie | outer banks | JJxOC

53- my mum

Sarah left with her family. Went back into the house she wanted to escape, waited till her brother she hated came back and watched the confession of her father who killed himself in front of her rather than face what he was, a murderer. John B didn't comfort her once.

Stevie could barely think straight during her shift at the shop. Thankfully the owners took her back despite her absence after John B's 'death'. Every so often something would clatter, something would fall or just the sound of the door slamming made her hear the boom all over again. She couldn't get the horrid noise out of her head.

She was drained after coming home from work, expecting John B to be somewhere else, with other people or with Sarah, but he sat alone on the jetty at the back of their garden. She didn't say anything as she plonked herself down beside him, he didn't need to say anything for her to know he was upset. They watched the landscape in silence, looking straight ahead and not at each other till John B lowered his head to rest on Stevie's shoulder. To which she responded by stroking his hair.

"Sarah gave this back to me," John B held up the part of their father's bandana that he had ripped off as a makeshift ring that Sarah wore around her neck. He didn't need to fill in the gaps.

"I'm so sorry John," Stevie continued to stroke his hair.

"She said it was too complicated," John B looked mad at himself, "And that I looked glad when it all happened,"

Stevie kept quiet. Because she agreed, he looked happy and satisfied that his girlfriend's father had died. And by Stevie's silence, John B had worked out that she felt a similar way.

"Was a small part of you happy?" John B lifted his head and swivelled so he was facing his sister.

Stevie thought about it for a second. She had hated Ward. She hated that he was walking around the island a free man whilst Stevie thought her brother was dead. She blamed him for the loss of her family, but no. At the end of it all seeing him literally go up in flames wasn't what she wanted.

"Not really," Stevie answered.

"How?" John B sounded desperate like he needed to find a way to get Sarah back, "He killed Dad."

"I know. But do you see Dad walking around?" Stevie asked, "No. Another person dying doesn't change what happened, it just adds to the problem. I'm more frustrated than happy. He didn't even get what was coming to him. He doesn't have to live the rest of his life with the title of murderer, nor does Rafe now. He doesn't have to pay any amount of prison time for those he killed. Sarah has to pay for it. Sarah has to live with it"

"But he killed Dad," John B had silent tears falling down his face, "With his hands, he took my dad from me."

"John B, I don't think we'll ever agree on Dad." Maybe because he was always kind of absent even when he was here, it didn't hurt Stevie as much. "But all that hurt you're feeling 'cause dad is gone is exactly what Sarah is feeling right now, except she can't mourn her father peacefully 'cause all she'll feel is the guilt of what a bad person he was." 

"When did you get smart?"

"I've always been smarter than you."

"Do you think she'll come around?"

"She's a Pogue, John B. She's still one of us."

...

"Wake up," Pope hit Stevie's sleeping face with the tower of beer cans JJ and he had made. After a night out on the jetty drinking beers and trying to heal together, they were beyond tired.

"I will break that thing," Stevie whacked it out of her face as she started to sit up in her bed.

"Can you try and get JJ up? He's zonked out," Pope nodded his head to the boy in the bed beside him.