Damned If I Do

Chapter 9

LEXI'S POV
I shimmy my dress back down while readjusting in the passenger seat. "Where'd the coke go?" Rafe questions while he zips his pants back up. We both look around frantically, trying not to raise any suspicions as the red and blue lights flash behind us. My heart is going to pound out of my chest, my mom and Ward are going to kill me. "Can you hide this in your purse?" Rafe asks while handing me the almost empty bag of cocaine that he found wedged between his seat and the middle console. "Yeah." My voice cracks as I zip my purse and toss it in the backseat. I look over to Rafe and see him shoving my ripped panties into his pocket. He looks up at me like a deer in headlights before shooting me a flirty smile. "A souvenir." He winks at me as he rolls down his window and places his hands back on the steering wheel.

"Rafe Cameron." Shoupe says as he approaches the truck. He signs his flashlight in Rafe's face before looking around the truck. "Ah, and Miss Collins." He looks at me. My heart is pounding a million miles a minute. Play it cool, Lexi. "Is there a problem, Shoupe?" Rafe finally speaks. "We got a call about suspicious activity over here. Just investigating." The deputy responds. "Well, Officer, we haven't seen anything. We just pulled over because I dropped my phone." I lie. "I see." Shoupe looks at me suspiciously. "Mr. Cameron, can you step out of the vehicle, please?" Shoupe gestures for Rafe to follow him. "What for? He hasn't done anything wrong." I try to defend Rafe. "Lexi." Rafe looks at me, trying to assure me with his eyes that everything will be okay.

"Alexis, why don't you just settle down and put your hands on the dash, alright?" Shoupe warns. Rafe opens his door and walks to the squad car with Shoupe. A few minutes pass and nothing happens. Rafe isn't being arrested, they're just talking. So I relax in my seat and roll the window down, just a bit.  "Shoupe, don't worry about it, man. I've got it under control." Rafe assures him. "I need a name, I need something." Shoupe responds. "I'm working on it." Rafe is becoming frustrated now. What the hell is happening? "Alright, get out of here. Get her home. Your dad hasn't left Midsummers yet, so you have some time." Shoupe says while getting back in his squad car and pulling away.

"Sorry about that." Rafe says while getting back in the truck and turning to me. "What was that about?" I question, crossing my arms. "Nothing." Rafe shakes his head. "Don't lie to me. This isn't going to go anywhere if we lie to each other." I motion between the two of us with my hand. "First, how do you know I want this to go somewhere?" Rafe jokes while he leans in and begins to leave a trail of hot kisses up my neck, towards my jaw. I slap at his arm and smile. "Come on." I groan. "Okay, you got me. I want this to go somewhere." He smiles at me still avoiding my question. My smile drops and I let out a sigh. "Can we just go home?" I ask him, absolutely no longer in the mood. "Lexi, look, it's nothing you need to worry about. I'll tell you everything later, I promise. Now isn't the time, until I know more." He stares into my eyes. "I don't want to start something based off lies and secrets. I'm sorry." I fasten my seatbelt and turn away from him to look out the window. "You're serious right now?" Rafe hissed. I make no move to respond to him.

"Get out." Rafe argues. My head snaps in his direction. "Excuse me?" I snap. "Get. The. Fuck. Out of my truck, Lexi." Rafe demands. I look at him in disbelief. "We're still like a ten minute drive from the house, it's two in the morning." I gesture to the truck's clock radio. He presses the unlock button on the truck door. "You don't mean that." I choke. I feel a knot forming in my stomach and a lump in my throat. I do everything in my power not to cry. "You fuck everyone in the obx, but you won't fuck me? You just want to put your nose where it doesn't belong." Rafe snaps. "I don't fuck everyone in the obx." I defend. "Come on, Lexi. They don't call you a fucking slut for no reason." Rafe argues.

"Yes. The fuck they do actually." I continue to defend myself. "You've got three seconds to get your shit and get out of my truck before I get you out myself." Rafe shouts while banging on the steering wheel. I look at him one more time while the tears threaten to release. As I'm opening the door, he reaches into the backseat to grab my purse, throwing it at me as I close the door. I flip him off and he speeds away, leaving me stranded. I've never had my heartbroken before, but I'm pretty sure it's broken now. My chest physically aches as I fall to the ground sobbing. How can I love him, yet hate him so much. Was he always just meant to be a fantasy? My favorite Taylor Swift songs play in my mind. "Don't blame me, love made crazy." Wiping my eyes and trying to pull myself together another lyric pops into my head. "Look what you made me do." I want revenge, anger fills my body. I see red, I'm not looking back. I'm going to ruin his fucking life.

There's only two people in the world who I know would answer my call right now without hesitation. JJ and Topper. I'm still pretty upset with the pogues, not one of them has reached out to me tonight. However, if I call Topper he's going to want more from me than I'm willing to give to him. I contemplate for a few moments. I've been stringing Topper along, I know I'm a bitch, but I feel guilty. Deep down Topper is a great guy, he just wasn't the guy for me. At least not at that time. I miss having the comfort of having a steady relationship, knowing no matter what he'd drop everything to be there. It's different with JJ, he can't always get away to be my rock when I need him because of his dad.

Topper was always there. Even though I never loved him romantically, I loved him as a friend. He was my best friend for many years. Maybe, I messed up a good thing. Top comes from a good family, he's rich, he loves me. I reach into my purse for the last of the cocaine. I lay it out on top of my phone and separate a few lines with my credit card. I snort them and wait to feel the effects that kick in almost instantly. Then, I reach for my phone. "They say I did something bad, then why's it feel so good? Most fun I ever had and I'd do it over and over and over again if I could." I sing to myself as I pull up my contact list.