Do you still love me?

It's done

I pushed him towards the couch and made him sit.
I never thought about if I should tell him about Aryan or not but what happened today was ridiculous. Now I have to tell him. What should I tell him??
How??
I can't!!

" Why were you kissing him Shalin?? You get uncomfortable when I touch you, you express it on your face you feel disgusted when I kiss you when I hug you, and you were kissing him!!! Why??? "

What the hell is he talking about! It's true I get nervous with his touch, for me he is too clingy but I never said I feel uncomfortable or disgusting.
He is feeding his own delusional thoughts.

"I didn't kiss him” I shouted on him.
" He was the one to kiss me ,forcefully !! ”  I pressed the last word to highlight it.
" To get a reaction from, the one you are actually giving. Do you understand? This is exactly what he wants to happen. ”

" And what do you want?? "
I stared at him blankly. I am concerned for you Om.
Can you please understand my situation right now?

" How do you expect your husband to react after he saw you kissing someone else? ”

I took a seat beside him before cupping his face " Honey, please!! ” I tried to act as cool as I could in this moment.

" Don't rush things!! I will tell you everything for sure but right now... "
I saw his eyes glossing with pain. Right now he looks like a small kid who is getting scolded from his parents.

" Right now the only thing you need to keep in mind I didn't cheat and I would never. Can you just give me some time to explain?? ”
His eyes never left mine.
" Can you?? ”
The moment paused.
" Can you just wait until I want to tell you?? I promise it won't take longer. But can you stop panicking about it? Can you stop questioning me? ”
" Hmm!! ” 
That's it!! Not even a word. He agreed even if he didn't want.

" I want to make sure you are you when I tell you!! You are the Om I like,the Om who is nice to me, the Om who was my best friend!! Not a man of a fragile ego and sensitive angre issues. I also don't want you to be in the state where you can't do anything but crying because you don't have physical strength in you. ”

I know he is confused by my words but anyways.

" I will bring you something to eat so that you can take medicine ” I leap up from my seat.
" Go to your room and rest!! ” I said before walking towards the kitchen and I heard his footsteps behind me.
I turned to face him and he replied " I won't leave you alone!! ”

Obviously you won't. Because you think if you did I would again go and kiss Aryan.
I rolled my eyes and let out a sigh.
Never mind.
He sat on the chair and watched me making an omelette for him.

I know he can't trust me anymore. He might be making judgements about me in his mind but I can't do anything to stop it.
I flipped the omelette and until it gets done I worked with avocado bread.
This is the quickest snacks I could make right now.
I can feel the heat of his stare and right now I the most idiot version of myself. Because I am feeling damn unsafe but still I am ignoring this.
I shrugged before raising a piece of bread to his mouth.
His lips parted and he took a bite without taking his eyes off me.
" How's it? ”
" Tasteless!! ”
Of course it's tasteless, in fever you can't get a taste of any dish.

He ate all the food without uttering a word to me while I was cutting fruits for him.
He didn't complain it was too much for him. He just continued eating till I want.

" Now let's go, you need take medicines. "
He nodded and followed me to room.
I gave him medicines and caressed his hair " Take rest!! ”

He doesn't answer but laid down pulling a duvet over his body. I laid beside him but he didn't even touch me and immortality closed his eyes.
After that I don't know when I felt asleep. It's not night yet. But I was just exhausted.

_________

After a good two hours of nap I opened my eyes slowly and when I got a clear vision I saw something crazy. My breath hitched when I saw my husband staring at me deeply. He was laying next to me but wasn't sleeping.
I straightened myself on the bed and shrugged my thoughts.
" When did you woke up?? " I asked because that silence was killing me. I am not feeling good at all in this silence.
"I didn't sleep. ”
Huh!! Does it mean he was staring at me like this all the time when I was sleeping.  That's insane. I gulped.
" Why?? ”
" My mind didn't let me. ” he said coldly.
Oh god!!
Why am I feeling like this??
I am begging you, god. Please give me some peace because right now I don't have strength to face another drama.
I shrugged my shoulders and touched his forehead to check his temperature, it was pretty normal.
Medicine worked I guess.
" Fever is gone, are you feeling better? " I asked just to receive a nod.
That's it!!
Not a word from him.
I pushed my blanket aside and stepped outside the bed.
My eyes fell on the clock it's 7 pm. I might start preparing for dinner.

I walked towards washroom while tying my hairs in a bun. Though I am feeling good I am hoping for the best. There won't be any misunderstanding once tell him the truth.
Yes, I will tell him everything, I have no other option.
I gently rubbed face wash over my face before splashing cold water on it.

After wiping my face with a dry towel I smiled looking at the redness on my cheeks. No, I am not blushing for no reason it's just cold water always do this to my face and I found it beautiful.
I sighed before keeping towel aside. When I stepped outside washroom my eyes went to Om, he was laying down anymore. He was sitting on bed and his eyes were glued to his phone.
I simply walked to him " What would you like to eat for dinner? " I asked casually.
I usually don't cook without asking for his choice.
He looked at me with his red eyes. Involuntarily I stepped back as he stepped outside the bed.
I felt scared.
" What hap.......... ” my words muffled in my throat when he showed me his phone screen.
Those were my pics. With Aryan, those pics which only a partner can have.
Very close, intimate and some of them were clips.
I closed my eyes in frustration .
It's done.
It's completely done and I know it's out of my hand.
Why the heck allowed him to record us in first place? Maybe I was overconfident that he will love me forever, he is the one for me and I can trust him.
I was wrong.
I don't know what's going to happen next. If I would have already told everything to Om, then it wasn't major issue. But he is clueless about everything so he can believe everything he sees

I whimpered when he grabbed my elbow and pull me closer " What is this Shalin, he was right when he said he had your pictures! " He said gritting his teeth.
I tried to remove his hand from my elbow but I harder I try more it hurts.
" Can you justify this?? " He shouted making me flinch.
" Om please.... "
" Please what? ”
I heartbeat raised and tears rolled down my cheeks.

" I am sorry!! ”
He left me with a jerk and scoffed " Sorry?? "
I looked up to meet his eyes.
" Does it mean you admit that you cheated me?? "
I shook my head as no .
" I am stupid, I am stupid to have hope you would love me someday" He chuckled bitterly and stepped back.
There was a silence, dreadful silence.
And I did last mistake of my life. I stepped forward " Baby listen..... "
I felt a sting on my left cheek. He backhanded me. He slapped me. I didn't touch my cheek.
Not that he slapped me for the first time but still it was shocking. I didn't expect him to hit me when he was begging me to be with before some hours. It was surprising.
The question is ' does it hurt? '
Yes.
How much.
It hurts same as first time.
It hurts exactly the same way it hurted when he hit me for the first time.
My cheeks heated up with fire.
I stared at him blankly and he was silent.
I don't know what he is thinking, I don't even wanna know.

I turned left to look in the mirror . Just to get a horrible image of myself, his dark red fingerprint on my face and blood on the corner of my lip.
I didn't wait for him to say anything and ran away from him.
I locked myself in guest room.

" Baby listen!! ” I heard a bang.
" Listen to me, I am sorry!!! ”
He apologized. But he didn't apologize when it was first time and still I forgive him.
Wow.

I again looked at the mirror, the mark was exactly same as the first time.
It's done here.
There is nothing left. No apology, no forgiveness, no kindness. No sympathy. It's enough. Get a life girl.
This is not real Shalin Mittal.
I want me my old self back.
I know what to do now. And that's best for me.

I dialed my brother's number. And as expected he answered within two rings.

" Hey wh..... ”
" Bhaiya, come to Om’s place. ”
" Right now? ”
" Hmm”