EXCHANGE OF HEARTS [BL]

KABANATA 26

Race felt this way before when he was in grade school, he's 9 years old when he felt this hell.

Race was sweating, he's panting and catching for his breathe. He felt his body and it's burning hot. That's when he realized that he's burning fever, but it's not about his fever.

It's about his heart.

His father run him to hospital when he's 9 because he had palpitation. His heart squeezed so tight and he can't move because his body was weak.

Race groaned and trying to reach for the button that connected to his parents' room. Isaiah put this button in case he felt something in his body—specially in his heart.

Just like now. He woke up with sweat all over his body and he's catching for his breathe like someone take away his breathe.

Race swallowed hard and tried to open his eyes and moved to the side of his bed to pressed the button. In just a simple moved, his body drained and he felt more weak. His body was weak.

Race successfully pressed the button, but his body can't take it anymore.

He collapsed on the floor.

                       * * *

First thing he saw when he opened his eyes was his daddy Isaiah who looked worried for him.

Isaiah cupped his face, “thank God!” Worried flash in Isaiah's eyes, but it's not just worried, but also feared. “How's your feeling? Are you hurt? Did you feel something on your body?” Isaiah boomed him question after question.

“How long did I slept?” He asked, voices are weak.

“Two days, son. You've been unconscious for two days.” Isaiah caress his hair, worried was written all over his face.

“I can't really imagine the horror I felt when we saw you on your room's floor, laying there unconscious and you're burning hot, Race.” Isaiah put his forehead to Race's. “I'm so damn worried, son. I don't want to remember again the first time we almost lost you.” Isaiah's voice quivered.

Race heart squeezed, but he didn't show it to his daddy. Isaiah's been worried about his health. “Dad, I'm fine...”

“When we heard the button, your daddy and I rushed to your room. I remembered, my heart was throbbing so fast and so fucking terrified in the thought of you,” Isaiah take a deep breathe. “It's been a long time since you felt this way. It's been a long time since you have a palpitation and we both don't know what to do because we're shocked. The first time you have a palpitation was when you're nine years old and we can't lose you, son. We can't take it...”

Isaiah's eyes shimmered, tears slid from his eyes but Isaiah wiped it immediately.

Race didn't want to see his father like this. He's hurting when he saw his father cried because of him, because of his damn stupid heart.

He don't want to see his parents cry because they though he'll die because his heart palpitated and his breathe weaken. Race remembered when he first open his eyes all he saw was his fathers crying beside him and they are praying and begging for him to comeback to life and don't leave them behind.

It's hurt to heard it. It makes his heart more in pain and that time he promise to took care of his health, specially of his heart because he can't stomach seeing his parents cried and in pain.

“I'm alright, dad.” Race showed a weak smiled and hugged his daddy. “I'm not gonna die.” He added to ease what his daddy felt right now, but it seems it didn't make Isaiah's alright because he cried more.

“Fuck,” Isaiah swore. “I won't let you leave us.”

“I won't leave. I'll choose to stay.”

The door creaked opened and Isaiah and Race both looked at the door when Hades stepped in.

“Hey, Pa,” Race greeted Hades.

Hades tears was about to slipped, yet Hades wiped it and stormed towards him.

“You,” Hades voice cracked. “You made me worried.” Hades musses his hair.

“I'm sorry...”

“No need to say sorry,” Hades said and hugged him an Isaiah. “Thank you for not leaving us.”

A moment later Isaiah said. “Ugh, this is so cringe. Don't tell your boyfriend about this. He might laugh at us.”

“Nah, that boy won't laugh at us. Can't you see how he looked at our son?”

Isaiah tsked. “Yeah, it annoys me that he stared at our son like he's his life.”

“That boy is fucking in love with our son. Don't you agree?” Hades laughed.

Race's cheeks flushed as he listen to his parents talking about Atlas.

Race suddenly flinched when he remembered Atlas.

It's been two days since he's unconscious and he didn't know what happened to Atlas.

“Did Atlas reached for me?” Race asked, cutting the conversation between his parents.

He's worried about Atlas. That man might called him many times and perhaps Atlas was worried about him too because he disappeared for two days.

Isaiah cleared his throat and stand straight. “Yeah, that boy was irritating. He always called us and asking for you,”

“He kept asking where were you. He always bagging us and he won't let us sleep at night. He kept on calling and asking your whereabouts. We already told him that you're busy and no one should distract you, yet he didn't believed us so we told him that you're not well that you have fever and you need to rest. So, finally he stopped and he said he'll wait for you to recover but he also suggested to visit you here instead so he can rest because he said his life was in hell when he didn't saw you and damn worried about you. He also said that he might die if he can't see you.”

Race flattered at what he heard. His heart throbbed not because of his sick but because of Atlas. He really can't believed it that Atlas really said it in front of his parents. He really have a guts to said it.

“But we didn't told him what really happened,”

Race looked at his daddy. “Why?”

Isaiah sighed and caressed his cheeks. “It's for you to decide if you'll tell your boyfriend about your condition or not.”

Race cheeks went scarlet, he can't meet his parents' eyes.

“He's not my—”

“Don't feel shame, son. Atlas told us that you two are exclusive. He's your boyfriend and we'll support you.” Isaiah cuts him off.

He felt bad for Atlas for denying their relationship. Race kept on denying Atlas why that man didn't felt shamed of saying that he's his boyfriend.

Race felt guilty. He shouldn't deny their relationship because there's nothing to he shamed of.

I don't deserve him. He thought.

“About to your condition. We didn't tell Atlas about it because we want you to decide it for yourself if you tell your boyfriend or not.”

Race heart shattered into piece. He starred at the ceiling thinking of what would he do.

His heart shattered at the thought of Atlas bagging at their door and asking where he is because he's worried.

His heart shattered into pieces because he can't tell Atlas about this. He need to lie because he can't stomach seeing Atlas hurt. That man will hurt if he knows about his condition and Race was sure that Atlas will change if he knows.

Perhaps, Atlas won't treat him like a strong man but see him as fragile and perhaps Atlas will lessen their outdoors activities because of his condition. Hindi na magagawa ni Atlas ang mga gusto niyang gawin kung sasabihin niya ang kalagayan niya. Knowing Atlas, tatalikuran niya talaga ang mga gusto niya para lang sa kaniya at hindi 'yon gusto ni Race.

He wanted Atlas to experience the world. He wanted Atlas to enjoy. At kung malalaman ni Atlas ang kalagayan niya, malamang hindi na 'yon magagawa ni Atlas pa. Kapag sasabihin niya ang kundisyon niya baka itutuon na lang ni Atlas ang atensyon niya sa kaniya at sa pag-aalaga sa kaniya dahil sa kalusugan niya. Ayaw naman niyang ituon lahat ni Atlas sa kaniya ang atensyon niya at ayaw niyang iwan ni Atlas ang mga gusto nitong gawin at pigilan ang binata sa mga nais nitong gawin dahil lang sa sakit niya.

Telling Atlas about his condition was like giving a burden to Atlas and stopping him to do the things he wanted.

Lying to Atlas was much worse  decision but it will makes them happy thought.

Lying means it makes for both of them to continue their life without a burden to their shoulder and without them worrying Race's health.

After of deciding, Race finally looked up to his father who stared at him worriedly.

He doesn't want Atlas to stare at him like that. He wanted Atlas to worried nothing.

“I won't tell him,” he said.

His parents looked at each other and then sighed. Race understand that his parents didn't like his decision, but still they support him.

“Your doctor will visit you here later and check your condition, also he prescribe me a medicine for you to take everyday.”

                      * * *

When the doctor said that he can go home now, his parents took care of his things and pay his bills after that they drove back to their home.

Race stepped out to the car and he stopped and stared to the man who sitting down in front of their giant gate.

Race heart shattered and wanted to rushed to Atlas and hugged that man but he can't. His doctor told him earlier to took care of his heart and don't exhaust himself.

“Atlas,” he called his boyfriend.

Slowly, Atlas opened his eyes and looked at him.

His heart squeezed and opened both of his arms, inviting Atlas to rushed and hugged him.

Atlas didn't let any time to spend, he stumbled to his feet and Atlas rushed to Race's embrace.

Atlas buried his face to Race's neck and inhaled his scent. Atlas embraced tighten like he was telling Race how much Atlas missed him.

Race was fighting himself to from telling Atlas what happened. He can't tell Atlas about his condition, he already made his mind. He'll lie because it seems the best way.

“Fuck, I missed you damn much,” Atlas whispered against his neck.

Race patted Atlas's back. Even his heart was shattered he'll fought and swallowed the pain. “I'm fine and...” Race squeezed his eyes shut, nothing to be shamed off. Atlas was proud to be his boyfriend and he should be. “I missed you too.”

Atlas leaned back and cupped his face. Worried written all over his eyes and he checked Race for a damage when he saw nothing Atlas hugged Race again.

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...”

Race almost stopped breathing when he heard Atlas's voice breaking.

His heart beat shaking.

“Why are you saying sorry?” He tried to cupped Atlas's face but Atlas buried his face back at Race's neck.

“I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. It's my fault. I'm so sorry—”

“Atlas, for God's sake. What are you sorry for?”

This time Atlas faced him, his eyes were read like he was about to cry.

“It's my fault. It's my fault, i-if I didn't let you—”

“Breath, Atlas. Breathe,” Race whispered. “There you go. Breath, Atlas.”

When Atlas finally relax and all the tension in his body fade he said. “It's my fault that you catches cold. If I let you used your umbrella you wouldn't catch a cold. If I didn't let you to played in the rain with me, you wouldn't catch cold.”

“It's not your fault—”

“It is my fault,” Atlas cuts him off. “I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry.” Atlas whispered as he kissed on Race's forehead and he rest his forehead against Race's.

“You didn't know how worried I am,”

“I thought I know,” Race smiled. “My Papa told me how you bagged at our door asking where I am.”

“I think I lost my soul when you didn't answer my call and when your father told me that you have a fever and you need to rest.” Atlas leaned back to stared at him at his eyes. “Your father wouldn't let me see you. They won't tell me where were you so I waited here outside your gate.”

Race glanced at the gate then back to Atlas. “Did you know that I'll go home today?”

Atlas shook his head. “No. Your father didn't tell me. Sir Hades called me yesterday that you're fine, so I waited here but didn't know that you're coming back.” Atlas explained.

God you gave me a wonderful man.

Race just smiled at Atlas who was staring at him worriedly, Atlas check his body then put the back of his palm at Race's forehead and neck to check if he still have a fever.

Atlas was serious when he did that like Race's was holding his life.

“Baby, are you alright? Do you feel something strange? Do you feel like your burning? Do I have to call a doctor? I have a friend and he's a doctor, I can call him to check on you.” Atlas kept on touching his forehead and his neck. “Do you want something? Do you need something? Are you hungry? Did you eat something while you were at the hospital? Did you feel pain? Did your body feel weak? Did you—”

Race can't help but smiled as he listen to Atlas while his boyfriend was checking on him. His body felt joy, this is the first time that he felt something like this.

Something like contented, joy, and his heart never felt this way before.

“Atlas,” he called his boyfriend. Atlas stopped checking on him and stared at his eyes, in instant worried flush to his eyes.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Atlas cupped his face.

He shook his head and held Atlas's hand. It's cold because he's been staying outside for how many hours.

“I'm fine...I just want to ask you something.”

“What is it? You won't asking me to leave you right?” Worried and fear flush to his eyes but it vanished immediately when Race shook his head. “Then ask me, baby.”

Race took a deep breathe before he said. “Did you felt shamed for being my boyfriend? Even once?”

Atlas brow furrowed, the line of his forehead deepened. Face was serious. “No! Why would I felt shamed? I'll shout your name and tell everyone that you're my boyfriend, Race. I won't feel shamed of you.” Then Atlas stared at him for a moment. “Why? Did you felt shamed for being my boyfriend?”

Race immediately shook his head. “No. No. I'm proud to be yours.” He whispered.

Atlas eyes shimmered and it crinkled. Something shone in his eyes and Atlas slowly leaned in, closed his eyes and parted lips.

Race took a deep breathe and closed his eyes, he's waiting for Atlas's lips to touch his.

Then something cleared his throat. “Boys, get inside,”

They both jerked and snaps their heads toward the man standing at the gate. When they didn't move Hades cock his head. “Get in.” He repeated and they both moved.

“And Atlas, try not to eat my son alive.”

They both blushed.

                       * * *

They eat in silence. Race can felt the stare of his parents, they are watching him and Atlas.

But seems, Atlas didn't felt those stares because he's busy putting all the food in his plate.

“You should eat veggies, it'll help you to feel better. It also help you to recover quickly,” Atlas sounds liked his daddy Isaiah when he have had a sick when he still a kid.

“That's enough, I can't eat all of this.” He said and motioned his hand on his plate.

Atlas brow furrowed at stared at him. “But you need to eat more, baby. It helps you to recover fast, okay? After you eat, take your medicine and go to your room and take a rest, hmm?”

Jesus, Atlas more worse than to his daddy but why does he felt joy in his heart? He's happy and he felt light inside of him while Atlas was treating him like this.

It does makes him so special.

“I'll take care of myself, now eat.” Race said and motion his hand to Atlas's plate that Atlas didn't touch.

“Yeah, I'll eat later if you'll done—”

“Atlas, eat.” Race cuts him off and they both stared at each other.

Atlas sighed and nodded his head. “Okay, fine. But eat all of this, okay? You should eat more to restrain your energy. You've been unconscious for two days and didn't eat anything. You must be hungry right now.”

“I have dextrous, Atlas. It help me not to feel hungry—”

“You should eat a real food. Dextrous is not real food.”

Race almost rolled his eyes and didn't argue more. He can't win this arguments when his opponents was Atlas. But even Atlas forcing him to eat this food on his plate, he still smiled and shook his head.

Race was crazy. Why it makes him happy when someone specially Atlas was ordering him to eat?

Race stopped smiling when he felts an eyes staring at him and when he lifted his head, his eyes darted to his parents who was watching at him and perhaps they saw Race smiled and cheeks flush.

Immediately, Race averted his gaze and felt shamed because his parents saw him like that.

Later on, Hades cleared his throat to catch their attention. “Son, Atlas was right. You need to eat more and take your medicine after and get some rest.”

“Yes, dad.” He said.

“I'm sorry, Sir,”

Race snaps his head towards Atlas who spoke. He stares at his boyfriend, confused written all over his face and Race was waiting for Atlas to say something.

“Why are you saying sorry?” Isaiah asked, serious.

Atlas glanced at Race's daddy. “It's my fault why Race have had a cold,” Isaiah lifted a brow. “The day before he have a fever, we played in the rain. He doesn't want to get wet but I forced Race and folded his umbrella. If I listen to him, maybe he won't catch a cold.” Atlas eyes were full of regrets.

Race looked at his feet. He felt guilty for not telling Atlas what really happened. It's not Atlas fault that he catches cold, it his heart who triggered.

His daddy told him that his first palpitation when he was a nine years old and they found out that he have a heart disease, at first his fathers didn't know where Race get that disease then the doctor said it is a history.

Race get his disease because his mother have had a heart disease and it is the reason why his mother died when she's giving birth to Race because her heart gave up.

When Race was nine years old, his heart triggered because he was exhausted. Race exhausted himself that time because it is a family day and he played a lot and that's when his heart triggered and had a palpitation. Just like Isaiah said, they almost lost Race back then. Race almost die, his heart almost gave up. His breathe was weak he's catching his own breathe but luckily Race survived.

Since then, Race took care of his health. He didn't want to exhaust himself that much that can cause trigger in his heart. He stayed away from those people who using cigarette and he didn't drank liquor. He ate healthy foods and he do exercise every morning. That's why he run every morning.

Every time his colleagues invited him for a drink or club hopping he immediately rejected it because he didn't want to trigger his heart and it will cause of his death.

That's the reason why he doesn't want to have relationship. He doesn't want to enter in every intimate relationship and didn't commit because he doesn't like the idea of leaving his lover behind if he died.

It much worse to leave the love of his life behind. The idea of leaving if parents when he died much worse, then if he have a lover and he died it much hurt more.

That's his promised to himself. He won't enter to any relationship, he'll leave alone and he'll grow up with his parents.

But he didn't realized that he fell in love with Atlas and all he wanted was to grow up with Atlas.

Yet, he can't tell Atlas what his really condition because it will change everything.

Atlas will change. Atlas will treat him like a fragile. Sigurado rin si Race na kapag nalaman lahat ito ni Atlas ay hindi na magagawa ni Atlas ang kaniyang gustong gawin dahil lang sa pag-aalala sa kalagayan ni Race.

Race won't stop Atlas to do what he wanted. Race will be there whatever he do and wherever he go and whatever adventures he'll face.

Lying will makes them move smoothly. Lying makes eliminating their burning. His disease was a burning of their happiness and he won't let his burden to change anything.