EXCHANGE OF HEARTS [BL]

KABANATA 16

Isaiah looked at him from where he sit. He look serious and mad? Race didn't know, he can't read his father's emotion.

“I'm home...” He said, his feet nailed in the floor. He can't move.

“Do you have something to tell me?” Isaiah asked.

Nagtaka si Race, why so sudden his father asked him that.

Race shook his head, “I am good, I feel safe now. If you were asking about what I am doing, well, I was in school and—”

“You ditched your class.” Isaiah cuts him off, his voice is cold and hard-rock.

His lips parted, shocked at what his father's told him.

How did he—

Oh, I forgot. He got bodyguard all round.

Maybe his men reported to him.

“Yeah, I ditched class—”

“Why is that? It's not you, Race. You don't like to ditched your class—”

“Dad, tell your men not to follow me around, please,” he cuts his father's off. He know it's not good but he can't help himself.

“Stop telling me what to do, Race,” tumaas ng bahagya ang boses ni Isaiah na ikinagulat ni Race.

“Dad, that incident is just a coincidence, okay? I am not the target of that shooting incident and I am not in danger right now. This past few days I didn't receive any threat in my life. I am safe and—”

“We don't know that, Race. That incident maybe not just a coincidence or a mistaken target. Maybe you are the target but they failed! I can't risk you, Race, I will send my men to guard you if It'll make you safe!”

“Dad, even you'll send thousand of your men, if I am the target they'll kill me and no one will notice it—”

“You don't know what you're talking, Race. You don't know nothing—”

“Dad, I hate seeing your men around. I am safe and I knew it, okay? I want you to send them away and tell them to stop following me wherever I go—”

“I said don't tell me what to do, Race! I am your father and you'll listen to me!”

Tumayo si Isaiah mula sa kaniyang kinatatayuan at lumapit kay Race.

“Why did you go to that club, Race? When did you start going to a club?” Matigas pa sa bato ang boses ni Isaiah, halatang galit ito.

It's not like his first time to see his father angry but today is different. His father is really scary, Isaiah is more serious now.

“I have to fetched my friend—”

“Alam mo ba na delikado ang ginawa mo?” Tumaas ang boses ni Isaiah, “maraming nagyo-yosi roon, Race and it's—”

“I know that, Dad,”

“Oh? You knew the risk? Then why did you still go inside when it's hazardous for you?!”

Isaiah's voice thundered around the house.

“Dad, I am sorry...I really fetched my friend because he's drunk and I called his friend to bring him home.” He whispered, try not to sound disparate.

“That's not my point, Race,” mariing tumitig sa kaniya si Isaiah, walang emosyon ang mga mata nitong nakatitig sa kaniya. “My point is, you put your life in danger!”

Napatalon si Race sa biglaang pagsigaw ng ama niya.

Kinabahan na siya, ngayon pa lang natakot ng ganito si Race sa ama niya. Isaiah is really mad at him, ni isang beses ay hindi sinigawan ni Isaiah si Race kaya gulat na gulat si Race ngayon at natakot.

“D-Dad...I'm so sorry—”

“What should I do when I lose you?! Race, I don't know what to do when I lose you! I almost lose you and I don't want it to happen again! Do you understand me?!”

Race stared at his father. He might cry because of this. His chest is heavy and he's hurt. Hindi siya galit sa mga sinasabi ng ama niya, bumigat ang pakiramdam niya dahil nakita niyang nagpipigil ang ama niya sa kaniyang luha.

“I almost lose you, son...” Isaiah whispered. “So, please...don't put yourself in danger because I can't take it to lose you, hmm? You are my son and I love you and I will lose my mind if I lose you.” Pahina nang pahina ang boses ni Isaiah.

Napayuko na lang si Race, ayaw niyang salubongin ang mga mata ng ama niya na nagpipigil sa kaniyang luha.

“I am sorry...” He whispered. “I'm sorry. I am so sorry, I truly am. Dad, I'm so sorry...” He kept on telling. Kahit si Race ay nagpipigil na sa kaniyang luha ngayon.

“I am worried about you, son. I'm not just worried about that incident, I also worried about your health,” hinilamos no Isaiah ang kaniyang kamay sa kaniyang mukha. “It's too risky to go in a club, son. Maraming mga taong nagyo-yosi roon na maaaring maka apekto sa'yo o maka trigger sa'yo.” Ngayon ay hinarap na siya ni Isaiah at nagmamakaawang nakatingin sa kaniya. “Please, listen to me, son. All I want you to do is listen to me, I can't lose you, son. Hindi ko kaya.” The last word is almost a whisper.

“I'm so sorry—”

“Stop saying that,” Isaiah cuts him of and he just drop his head. “I'm not mad, I am worried, okay? I am not mad at you.” Mahinang sambit ni Isaiah at lumapit sa kaniya para yakapin siya at hagkan sa noo.

“I'm sorry for shouting, son. I can't control my emotion when it comes to you, Race. When my men called me that you go inside in a club, I panicked. I am very worried and I almost follow you into that club, but then my men said you just go out with someone.”

Dahan-dahang tumango si Race, he loves the feeling when his father hugged and kissed him. Nawala na ang kaba at takot na nararamdaman niya kanina dahil sa pagsigaw ng ama niya.

“It's my friend, he's drunk,” Race said.

Tumango naman si Isaiah at lumayo sa kaniya.

“Next time, bring your girl here, okay?”

Takang napatingin si Race sa kaniyang ama na nakangiti sa kaniya ngayon.

“My girl?” He asked, confused.

“Uh-huh,” tinapik ni Isaiah ang balikat niya. “My men said that you were with a girl and you two walk together back to the university like a couple.”

Oh, no. Bridge is not my girlfriend! She's my friend for fuck's sake!

“She's not my girlfriend, we are just—”

Napatitig si Race sa cellphone ng ama niya ng pinakita nito sa kaniya ang litro nila ni Bridgette na nagyakapan. It's the time when he comforted his friend because she was hurt because of Atlas.

That boy said something to Bridgette.

“She's not my—”

May picture na namang pinakita ang ama niya at ngayon naman ay nakakapit si Bridgette sa braso niya at nakangiti siyang nakatingin kay Bridgette.

They really looked like a sweet and happy couple.

But the truth is they are not couple!

“Dad, you misunderstood it, okay? Bridge is not my girl—”

“So, Bridge is her name?” Isaiah cuts him off and walk back to the sofa.

“Bridgette.” He corrected.

Humarap ang ama niya sa kaniya, “bring her here, okay? I want to know her, and please son, don't deny her in front of me. It's not good to deny your girl on your father.” Pagkatapos sabihin ni Isaiah 'yon ay tumalikod na siya at pumunta na sa kaniyang kuwarto.

It is terrified to see his father mad at him for the first time and his father really shouted at him and that makes him shiver.

He really can't believed it, he though he might cover his ears because it really hurts him hearing his father shouting at him, but he understand why his father's angry. It is his fault too, first he ditched his class, second he go to a club.

Ang hindi niya lang matanggap ay ang mga sinasabi ng ama niya ngayon na girlfriend niya si Bridgette. Kahit anong tanggi niya ay hindi talaga siya pinapaniwalaan ng kaniyang ama.

Someone tapped his shoulder, he turned around and a smile flash in his lips.

“He's just worried,” Hades said.

Tumango si Race, he totally understand his father and he's not mad at his father too. “I understand and I know that it is my fault.” He said.

“Huwag mo lang dibdibin ang mga sinasabi ng Daddy mo,”

“It's fine, Pa. I know he's just worried about me and he's afraid to lose me. I really understand, daddy. I understand where his anger came from.” He nodded twice.

Tumango si Hades at naglakad papuntang kusina, sumunod naman si Race sa Papa niya.

“I'm also worried about you, Race. Just like your father, I can't lose you because we almost lose you. Race, you are precious to us and if we lose you, we don't know what to do and what to think. Maybe, we'll lost your mind? Or maybe worse?” Huminga ng malalim si Hades at hinarap si Race para tapikin ito ulit sa balikat tsaka ginulo ang bugok. “When I saw you bleeding, I almost lost had a panic attack. It is hard to watch you bleeding because it's really hurt and terrifying seeing you with blood.”

Mapait na ngumiti si Race, his heart is aching.

“Just...let your Daddy do what ever he wants, Race. He can't take care of you or watch you himself because we have business to handle that's why he hired a men to watch you. It his way to keep you safe while we are away. I know it's not right to have somebody to watch your every move, but we don't have any choice because we are really worried about you after that incident happened.” Hades takes a deep breathe before continuing. “So, please, son. Don't hate us for doing this because all of this is for you. I am sorry in behave of your Daddy. We're sorry for doing this, we also don't like this idea but we don't have any choice. Forgive us, son.”

Race might cry, nanlabo na ang mga mata niya dahil sa mga luhang nakabara sa kaniyang mata pero pinipigipan niya lang ang kaniyang sarili na umiyak.

“I am not mad, Pa...I understand...” He whispered.

Niyakap ni Hades si Race at hinalikan ito ng ulo bago ito humilay.

“Kapag magkakaroon ka ng anak, mararamdaman mo rin 'yong pakiramdam na parang mamamatay ka kapag nakita mong sasaktan ang anak mo. It's really terrifying.” Malumanay na sinabi ni Hades.

Nilabas ni Hades ang tinaay at ang Nutella, “I heard your father said that you have a girlfriend,” tumaas ang kilay nito.

“She's not my girlfriend, Pa. Trust me, she's just my friend.”

“Friends to lover, that is your trope,"

Halos umikot na ang mata ni Race dahil ayaw talagang manila ng ama niya sa mga sinasabi niya.

“I swear, Pa. Bridgette is not my girlfriend, she's just a friend.”

Nagkibit balikat lang si Hades at sinubo ang tinapay.

“Akala ko rin hindi ako magkakagusto sa Daddy mo, but here I am deeply and madly in love with him.” Hades winks at him.

Hindi na napigilan ni Race na mapairap dahil sa sinabi ng kaniyang ama.

“I'm not you, okay? I swear, I don't like Bridgette. She's just a sister to me—”

“Uh-huh.”

Umirap ulit si Race bago nagpatuloy. “Yeah, I adore her, but she's really just a friend—”

“Diyan din naman ang punta. Magpapatapat ka sa kaniya pagkatapos ay liligawan mo siya pagkatapos ay sasagotin ka niya pagkatapos ay magiging kayo tapos kapag dumating na kayo sa tamang edad ay magpapakasal kayo tapos magkaka-anak kayo ng sampo tapos—”

“Pa, what are you talking about?” Kunot noong tanong ni Race, kung saan-saan na kasi napadpad ang mga sinasabi ng ama niya.

“Walang pagtatapat na magaganap, walang ligawan, walang magpapakasal at walang magkakakanak.” Pagtatapos ni Race.

Tumitig lang ang ama niya sa kaniya, nagkibit balikat at binalewala ang sinasabi ni Race.

Ilang sandali pa ay lumapit si Hades sa kaniya at tinapik ang kaniyang balikat. “Basta tandaan mo lang na nandito lang kami ng daddy mo kapag nag break kayo ng girlfriend mo, comfort ka namin, anak.”

Argh. He hate his fathers now.

“Not gonna happen, Pa,” lumayo si Race sa kaniyang ama para kumuha ng tubig sa refrigerator. “Hindi kami magbe-break kasi hindi naman magiging kami, hindi ako iiyak dahil lang sa break up dahil wala naman akong plano sa ganiyan.”

Matagal na niyang napagdesisyonan na hindi siya papasok sa isang relasyon. He thought that everyone die and he doesn't like the idea of leaving his parter alone if he die. Ayaw niya na kapag nagkaroon siya ng girlfriend tapos ay mawawala siya sa mundo ay maiiwan niya ito mag-isa. Para hindi iyon mangyayari ay mabuti na lang manatiling single panghabang buhay kaysa mag-isip ng mga ganiyan.

“'Wag kang magsalita ng patapos, anak,” ngumisi si Hades. “Hindi natin alam 'yan, baka sa susunod na buwan ay makikita na lang namin na umiiyak tapos maghahabol sa girlfriend mo.”

Napailing na lamang si Race. Hindi na siya nakipag argumento sa kaniyang ama patungkol kay Bridgette dahil kahit anong gawin niya at ano ang sasabihin niya ay hindi rin naman siya paniniwalaan ng kaniyang ama, basta ang mahalaga ay alam niya sa kaniyang sarili na wala silang relasyon ni Bridgette at kaibigan lang tuwing nito sa dalaga.

“Baka sa susunod gusto mo na ring magpakasal,”

“I don't have a plan to get married, I wanted to stay single forever. All I wanted to do in my life is to take care of you and daddy when you gets old. I just want to be with, together with daddy. I don't want to be with someone else.” He admitted.

Natahimik si Hades at napatitig na lamang kay Race.

“'Yan ang hindi puwedeng mangyari,” Hades lean the other side of his hips in the center island while he cross his arms against his chest. “We also don't want you to isolate yourself. We want you to explore the world and go beyond your limitation. There's something more outside of your comfort zone, there's something to explore and you need that adventure. Huwag mong ikulong ang sarili mo sa amin. We can take care of ourselves while you explore the world. Please, don't say that you didn't want to be with someone else, We want you to interact with other people and also build trust with them. Hindi kami magtatagal at ayaw naming maiwan ka mag-isa that because you isolate yourself on us.”

They both went silent for moment, no one's talk. The silence is deafening.

His father is right, he need to explore the world because there is something more outside of his comfort zone, he'll know or interact with other people while he'a exploring. Marami siyang makikilalang tao.

But what if he doesn't like to explore or kumilala ng bagong tao? What if he want to stay where he was right now? What if he doesn't like to stay away from his family because that is his life.

Gustong isakatinig iyon ni Race pero nanatili na lang siyang tahimik.

“By the way,” dahan-dahang napatingin si Race sa kaniyang ama. “Your birthday is coming. What are your plans?” Tanong ni Hades.

Oh, he almost forgot his own birthday. Dalawang linggo na lang ay kaarawan na niya.

“And it's your mother's death anniversary.” His father added.

It's his 20th year of existence while it is his mother's 20th death anniversary.

When he was born, his mother died and it's because of him. Because she gave birth of Race.

“I just want to have a simple gathering, just you and me then daddy. We'll go to cemetery to visit mommy then we will eat in a restaurant.”

It's is always like that. Ayaw niya 'yong magarbong handaan sa kaarawan niya dahil pakiramdam niya ay pinagdidiriwang niya rin ang araw ng pagkamatay ng ina niya.

Hades smiled at him. “Okay, okay,” he nodded. “Also, don't forget to bring your friends okay? I want to meet and to know your friends, son. Most especially, Bridgette.” His father winks at him and he rolled his eyes.

“I'll go upstair, papaligayahin ko lang ang ama,” mahinang natawa si Hades sa sarili nitong sinabi. “Dang! I really can't believed that I ended up with your father.”

Tumaas ang kilay ni Race habang pinapanood ang kaniyang ama.

“Babawasan ko lang ang pag-aalala no'n. Ibabalik ko lang sa kaniya ang kaniyang sigla,” kumindat ulit si Hades pagkatapos ay natawa. “I'll leave you here, okay? Kumain ka na kung nagugutom ka, sleep early, son and please don't ditched your class again, hm?”

Ngumiti sa huli ang kaniyang ama at ginulo ang kaniyang buhok bago nagmartsya palabas sa kusina.

Ang daming nangyari sa isang araw.

Napabuntong hininga na lamang si Race at umupo sa high chair. Biglang pumasok sa isip niya si Atlas, he's worried about that guy kung nakauwi na ba 'yon. Nakalimutan niyang sabihin kay Sebastian na i-text siya kapag nakauwi na ito. Hindi niya tuloy alam kung ano na ang nangyari kay Atlas o kung nakauwi na ba ito.

Habang malalim ang kaniyang pag-iisip ay biglang umilaw ang kaniyang cellphone.

He immediately read the text.

Atlas: he's safe, I already bring him home. Safe and sound, nothing to worry about. — Sebastian.

Then Sebastian send him a picture of Atlas, sleeping peacefully in his bed.

While staring at the picture, he can't help but smile.