Chapter Twenty: Don't Wanna Be Torn

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Chapter Twenty: Don't Wanna Be Torn

I've never been the type of girl to go after a boy, but this time it was different. He was different, and he made me feel different.  I guess I just got tired of waiting around for him and decided to make a move myself. That's why I got off the plane. That's why I couldn't make myself go home. 

They say that there are several kinds of silences. The silences that are so loud because they scream the truth. The silences that are comfortable and serene. And then there's a completely different type of silence. The one where you're with someone else and every moment is make it or break it. At any moment everything built between the two of you can be broken. Like the difference between pausing something or ending it completely.

That's the type of silence that filled Harry an dLouis' kitchen after I had explained to Harry how exactly I had managed to convince them to let me off of the plane just as it had begun taking off, which is very illegal. 

The rest of our group had scattered after Harry had made his announcement to me. They wanted to give Harry and I a chance to have this horribly awkward conversation in private. They even left the flat completely so that we woulnd't be afraid that they were eavesdropping on us, which is something they are known for. I don't know how many times I've caught Louis and Niall standing outside of the door to Harry's bedroom. I don't even want to know what they were listening for on those occasions. 

"Did you mean it?" I nervously whisper. My voice trembled as I took a chance and broke the silence surrounding us.

"Did I mean what?" Harry asked softly, playing innocent. He knew what I was talking about, but his voice sounded so tired. So, I guess I understood. I'm tired, too.

"That you love me." I refused to remove my eyes from my hands while the words left my mouth. It was almost as if I were addressing them, rather than the gorgeous boy across from me.

He was silent for a long while after that, but every once in a while I would hear his breathing speed up just to slow down again. He was trying his hardest to keep his cool. His eyebrows pulled together, and he gently pulled his bottom lip between his perfectly white teeth. His silence was the type of silence that is really loud. It was louder than any answer he could have verbally given me. 

"it's okay if you don't, Harry. I can't make you love me. I have to fly back to America tonight anyway, and we can just forget this ever happened. I didn't mean to sleep with Niall, and more importantly, I never meant to hurt you. I'll announce our break up in my next..." I was rambling. My nervous habit. I was almost relieved when Harry cut me off. 

"Andy, shut up." He said curtly, never taking his eyes off of me.

It took him several seconds before he gathered himself enough to begin speaking again. This time, he looked deep into my eyes. A perfect shade of green meeting my perfect shade of blue.

"I will admit that I didn't mean to blurt it out like that. Seeing you again just caught me off guard, but that doesn't mean that I didn't meant it. I do love you, Andy. I love you so much more than I should." He admitted sheepishly. It seemed like the words tasted bitter on his tongue.

"Then why are we fighting this?" I ask, struggling to keep the annoyance out of my voice. I'm so tired of this boy running us in circles.

"All hell will break loose, Andy. Are we ready for that?" He shrugged, as if none of this was really a big deal.

"Harry, I've never fallen for someone so hard in such a short amount of time, even though I promised myself a long time I would never risk the chance of getting hurt again. But for some reason, when I'm with you, the risk seems worth it. So yes, I'm ready to face hell with you." I admit honestly.

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