Lotus - A Yearning Of The Soul.

61- Insecurities

DEVANSHI'S POV:

His question made me think that I never thought about this, I didn't have any answers. I sure loved kids but did I want mine?

Seeing no response from me as I was indulged in my thoughts, Kunwarsa cupped my cheeks saying,

V: "It's fine, focus on yourself first. Let's eat something."

Nodding, we moved towards the dining hall.

The next few days I spent in hospital finishing the final days of my residency.

It's been quite some days, my residency is done and I've recovered fully and Kunwarsa is handling some business here. He already has made arrangements for our vacation I guess. He might keep this as a surprise not sharing much.

The question he asked me still lingers on my mind. Often I am wondering about the same, several thoughts come at a time. As a kid what I experienced has left a great impact on me. I don't know why but I don't want my kids to suffer and I.... I... I basically don't know. The best period for me to go through pregnancy is also running short now. I am unable to make a decision.

Although, he never brought this question again. He does want kids, but....

I am confused. This thought doesn't leave my mind and I feel why am I always scared of everything.

I am at home now, we'll be leaving for Rome in this week.

I felt two muscular hands wrap around my waist as I stood in the balcony, the familiar scent engulfing me. I closed my eyes and palmed his cheek leaning onto him as he placed his chin in the crook of my neck.

He came out of the bathroom just now and I find him in his sweats with nothing covering his torso as my back touches him.

V: "I wonder what's troubling my little wife."

D: "Kunwarsa."

V: "Yes jaan."

I contemplated,

D: "It's nothing."

He turned me, making me face himself. Holding my chin he lifted it up, scanning my face, "Then Why does these eyes don't hold the shine they always have."

I really wanted to share everything with him but I feel I'll burden him more. He has never made me feel anything like that but it takes moments for people to change.

Why are these insecurities returning again? Urgh!

Not being able to say anything,
D: " Nothing Kunwarsa let's go."

As I was about to leave, he grabbed my wrist yanking me towards himself.

Kissing my forhead he lifted me from below my hips, his face closer to my bust and I was staring at him as he looked into mine with the slight raise in my height.

My night dress did nothing to hide my cleavage and being raised now it was lifted from below too, making me nervous.

He traced the length of my leg, hinting me to wrap my legs around his waist. I did so wrapping my arms around his neck too.

He moved inside the room holding me in the similar position while I lay my head on his shoulder like a kid.

He sat on the couch with me Straddling his lap.

He caressed my head saying, "See Devi I have such a cute baby and I don't want my attention to be diverted so you don't have to worry about anything. Now, smile."

But with these words and him caressing my head I felt my tears forming and running through my cheeks down to his chest. I shut my eyes tight to stop these but to no avail.