𝐈𝐧 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐅𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐃𝐚𝐲𝐬

CHAPTER THIRTY THREE

THIRTY THREE

You'll always be in my heart
And in your grave.

SEBASTIAN

Today was one of the days I woke up on the left side of the bed. No actually, we slept on single beds, so there was neither a left or right side. There was just the bed.

I'd woken up way earlier than usual, around four in the morning and I'd left the hostel to take a walk round the school compound. I just needed to meditate, I guessed.

Four hours later, I still felt like shit. Maybe it was because I hadn't slept well, or maybe my inability to mutter a single word of prayer since yesterday even after we were unable to find Larisa anywhere after searching for over thirty minutes.

Or maybe it was the gaping hole in my heart that did well to reopen whenever I saw people take each other for granted. That was something most people in this camp did, one way or the other.

I sighed, picking up the trashcan and emptying it into the black plastic bag I was using to collect dirt around the hall. Yes, it was sanitation time.

Two years, but it felt fresh. Two years since I saw her eyes go wide in shock, and then relax in relief when she realized I was safe, while I sat there and did nothing. I didn't save her. And it haunted me.

I channeled my thoughts in other directions, trying not to dwell on what happened on that fateful day.

God is in control, I thought, exhaling and looking around at the campers that did their sanitation duty in groups of twos, threes and even fours, chattering excitedly and making new memories for themselves. Was I the one then, stuck in the past and taking the present for granted?

I came here to escape. I sighed again. I wasn't doing a great job at that.

"Maybe you should try allowing Me to save you and stop trying to do for Me?" It was calm and quiet, but I heard it above the noise and chatter of the fellow campers.

"I'm trying." I mumbled, tying up my now full trash bag and walking out of the hall to dispose of it. People were littered all around the school, cleaning up. Some people were sweeping, some were packing trash, some were offering what I called moral support, just standing there and giving the latest gossip to those who were actually doing the work.

"And I see you. But you're not trusting Me completely yet."

I didn't have anything to say to that. I knew it was true, but I preferred not to admit it. Instead, I focused on dumping my trash and looking for something to do.

"Cast all your burdens on Me, and I shall give you rest. You came here to kick back and relax, I want you to go ahead and do just that. I'm with you."

I felt a shiver run down my spine with that, and goosebumps covered my arms. I sighed again, but this time in relief.

"Lord," I muttered. "I don't know what's going on with Larisa, I don't know where she is, but I know You do. And whatever it is, give her rest, Lord. Help her run to You and find her solace. In Jesus' name, amen."

With that, I began walking to the playground in hopes of finding some new work to do, or at least finding my friends. I was almost there when I saw a girl tying up a plastic bag. I passed her at first but for some reason, I felt the incredible urge to go back to her. Turning around, I looked directly at her this time around. She was hunched over, trying to tie up the plastic bag which seemed overfull. Her long hair curtained her face, hence, I couldn't see her face. She was light-skinned, dressed in a simple grey T-shirt and white shorts. On her feet were black flip-flops and she had slightly more skin than the girls; almost chubby.